34th and 88th

There are certain places where I run, and when I get there, I don't want the streets to end. I don't want to have to turn around and come back. I wish never to stop. It's hard to put into words what makes an area one of these places. There is something about them that offer me familiarity, but not as in I can consciously remember that I have lived here before or live here now; no, it's something deeper- a deeper familiarity. Occasionally something about the place will resemble past memories. There are particular neighborhoods which recall the idea of the wealthier side of downtown Augusta or the Mercer Campus. Sometimes a few houses will seemingly channel New England. But there are many times when I can't say what specifically it is that makes the place 'it' for me. When I come to one of these neighborhoods, I will often have the thought, "if I lived HERE, I could handle New York. I could enjoy it." It's the strangest thing. I don't believe that thought when it passes my head, however. I liken it to how people in relationships look to another new boy or girl that suites their fancy and think 'he would never treat me like that or do that,' or 'she would never act like that, and i bet then i'd feel fulfilled.' These thoughts are always tempting our idea of the unknown or 'grass is greener.'

Around 34th street and 88th street in Queens, I find one of these neighborhoods of which I speak. The problem is, by the time I get there, I usually can't run around there much before its time to turn around and come back. I feel content, refreshment, and a tinge of actual 'happiness,' but then I also feel sad because it highlights the lack in my soul- the thing that wants to be filled up and thirsts, the thing that wishes I didn't have to turn around and run back...run back to my actual life.

It surely is a burden, at times, that God has made me a thinker and a feeler. The emotion makes me a deep person, but being deep makes steps heavy. Today, my steps are heavy. I look forward to running back to my 'place' tomorrow where for a few blocks at least, my steps are light.