Sings
I intend to fill this out more in time and post some updated videos. For now, we'll have to be satisfied with pre-marriage, pre-kids, pre-living in Manhattan Megin....back when I spent my mornings with Jesus, planning lessons for the community center kids and running the streets of Forest Hills, and recording videos of the songs I'd written from years previous! Interesting, isn't it? I wrote songs from childhood up, playing them on our old, out-of-tune piano or whatever current keyboard my parents so graciously blessed me with.... I wrote songs in college, during seminary, and in my early days in New York. But I never really knew what to do with my music, how to record it, how to share it. So now here I sit, at 37, and I certainly don't have the time to write. Neither do I have the plethora of boyfriends rejecting me nor the young childhood angst to fill up a songbook. Thus, I will pull out the writings from that sweet girl, that young woman, that daughter of God....that overly dramatic (as my sister always reminded me) yet well meaning disciple of Christ flailing around and trying to find her way. I'll share them now because, well, what else would I do with them? Just leave them in my journals forever? They were always for God and for me... they were always what helped me survive. I thank God for His grace and His ways... He brought me so far....much further than I ever deserved to go, much further than I ever imagined I could get. Praise God from whom all blessings flow. He gives. He takes away. My heart chooses to say....blessed be His name.... Thank You God for always listening to me. I was never alone, ever.
May 11, 2022
Freedom. It's not quite July 4th, but the word FREEDOM has come to include a great many meanings for me in my vast 39 years (sarcasm in the usage of vast....herein resides a woman coming to terms with the impending 4-0. I am finding more reasons to embrace it than shy from it, however).
There have been specific seasons the idea of Freedom has been experienced by my family members (of origin) and myself in ways that I imagine the average person is not afforded the opportunity to contemplate. This is a blessing, for the average person, not to need to wrestle with the out-workings of being or not being free, but as well, I cannot say that I despise or reject any portion of life I have endured during which I panted for a deeper experience of freedom. Those seasons, though suffering, yielded much fruit, and still do. After a conversation yesterday with a woman who has walked with me through thick and thin the past almost 12 months, I could only praise God and express more passionately a thankfulness for even the greater depths of freedom that God has given me. Freedom has come with a cost, since the Fall of mankind, and like these lyrics I attempt to put to paper and tune, it is a continual work in progress. There is ONE who sets the soul free, and there are countless brave souls throughout history who have given their lives in more ways than one to pursue freedom this ONE affords us. Men and women have given their lives and reputations and futures not only for themselves, but on behalf of others. While not having given nearly to the extent of many, I count myself honored to be among those who give to any degree in conviction of living out this God-given right with integrity. One should never consider him/herself free to do or be anything. There are a great many things people should not do and should not be. If we have been these things, confession is proper, and repentance is necessary. It is quite possible to abuse freedom even when attempting to uphold it. I do not profess perfection, but I do profess conviction, and that is what comes out in this worship here. I share for God's glory as well as to instill hope for any who feel trapped by broken ideologies and systems, governments or people, or even battles of the mind perpetuated often by the lies of those that walk in shame. We can be set free, and we can sing... and we can live, abundantly.
May 8th, 2022 HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY MAMA!
Fuzzy Orange Carpet:
It was always You who brought me through. It was always You.
From childhood UP in all the pain, with all the trauma, needing someone to blame.
Just a baby girl looking for a home. So oft alone.
It was always true, but I didn't know
Could I trust You, guess I had to though.
Nowhere else would ever stay.
All the love turned gray.
All I ever had was just a few chords, and Mama's life. She said it was Yours.
On the fuzzy orange carpet, I would lay. Await the day.
Would You come, would he come, will they come and take me away?
18, 19, 20 years. It became so hard, 21, 22, the tears.
Three little letters change the whole world in a day
Disillusioned with who you'd become.
No longer crucified but asking me to be the one.
All I ever had was just a few chords, and Mama's life. She said it was Yours.
On the fuzzy orange carpet, I would lay. Await the day.
Would You come, would he come, will they come and take me away?'
20 years would go by before she'd ever ask why, she had to lose her life to become his wife.
Why he couldn't hold her in his arms.
She was groomed to be persuaded by the charms.
With his lies around her throat, she would never sing again another note.
Unless You'd see.
Unless You save
Unless You'd save her life .... again
Dedication: I was working on this song a few weeks ago. I share it here and the story about your inspiration for it below :D!
Dear Mama- happy Mother's Day. This is not how I ever intended to get one of my dreams come true, to be able to spend time with you and Dad while I was an adult and in your older age. Sorry about growing up, by the way. Now that I have kids, I understand how unfair it is that our children grow up. You stinking birthed me and taught me how to go out in public without picking my nose or laughing at my own bodily noises (if I was anything like my own two kiddos). And I did what you raised me to do, followed my dreams and pursued God, and prayed about how those two intersected... AND LISTENED to God, and I found communities that helped me... and I paid attention.
You also taught me to be compassionate and loving, and I shared that with the world, but the problem is you and I also have some weaknesses in common... so by the end of it all, my attempt at adult life so far, I ended up making similar mistakes to you, or things that paralleled, in my young age. It wasn't nearly as bad as what happened with you, but it was not okay in other ways. Thankfully though, I had a mom like you to help me navigate still.
So I'll take what I can get! There is much loss right now, but I'm thankful for this time with my family of origin when I never expected to get this luxury or for my kids to be afforded the chance to get to know you all so well.
God works in mysterious ways, and His providence often comes through perilous circumstances. (Just studied the last chapters of Acts this morning at church)!
Anyway, I didn't get a chance to write the letter in your card, so I decided to make a public profession of your worth as a mother and basically as a child of God, as well as an affirmation of the good things you have done! More than ever, I am appreciative to you THIS year. Not only has your entire life served an example to me my entire life, like at all times I mean. BUT THIS YEAR, your entire life HAS ACTUALLY given me a literal model of what TO and what NOT TO do in order to follow God and guide and care for her family and point them to Jesus. You have taught me how to be strong even when there is little support as well as how not to be ashamed to ask for help where you know you and your family need it. You are courageous, confident, and humble. Yes, all of them. I hope to set the same example for my children. I am so thankful for the way you and Dad have sacrificed in the past, grown, and sacrifice so much in the present (and this past year).
You showed me how to give your life to Jesus. Did you make mistakes? Sure. Did you do your best? Yes. And did you apologize when you learned of your wrongs and then demonstrate what it means to be humble, to pursue physical health, emotional health, spiritual health, and stand by your children. You have shown me how even to let your kids make their own mistakes but be there to catch them when they fall....NEVER saying "I told you so."
I remember singing at my wedding. I sang two songs. One was a promise that I would keep, and I did, until it was no longer something that could be done while also obeying and following God. I made it through that song easily. It was a promise to a person and to God and to a community, and I'd thought about it long and hard, and I meant it. I meant it so much I worked at it all this time... I still work at it although I know now it will look much different than I thought.
But the second song I sang at my wedding, was for you.... because you were the one who walked beside me to help me survive childhood, and then you set me free and told me to dance, and you encouraged me even when I was self-conscious or other's laughed. I cried my way through that song. No one heard any of the words. :)
You showed me how to LEARN to love myself even if it didn't come naturally, and how to STAND UP AGAINST THE LIES OF SATAN and not let anyone convince you that you didn't matter or were crazy, especially that narrative and home began to negatively impact your children and your own health. You showed me a woman could follow God, could walk away, could endure the words of other's who didn't understand, and to succeed, even if not everyone even agreed with her. You raised strong children who love Jesus. They make mistakes, and they admit them, and they accept help, and they learn, and they grow. Thank you.
Thank you Mama, and thank you walking through all of this with me currently. Here you go- I'm back "home" with you for a bit playing on that SAME OLD PIANO....and it's really not in tune, but I'm glad to be able to sing and write and not care that I'm not the best singer in the world or most powerful, but that I can PRAISE GOD and tell the TESTIMONY OF HOW GOD BROUGHT OUR ENTIRE FAMILY THROUGH AND APPARENTLY ISN'T DONE YET! HE'S GETTING HIMSELF SOME HUGE GLORY. He's redeeming our own family's lost years, and He is doing it in a way that is going to be even for the healing of many more in our family- ours here, and all the family up north too. Maybe God does use your daughters as missionaries after all. With the internet, we can testify across the world, and like Paul testifies before King Agrippa, (or was it Festus?), he would like everyone to believe in the GOSPEL of Christ! I too long for people to see God's glory. God's glory is what has led me through every dark place or danger.
God is at work. I am so thankful. Happy Mother's Day. I'm working on this song, and I made this video of me writing it so you can always pretend I'm around even when I'm not here. You can imagine you're in the kitchen washing dishes after dinner, and I'm "writing" (to skip dishes). Or you can listen while you're trying to work and then call down, "Okay Megin. I need a break." haha :) I get it. I've told Eli the same thing :)
I love you! I'm sure you'll understand the symbolism in this song- the lyrics are below. I wrote it with a lot of symbolism in mind. Anyway- GOD was always the one who brought me through....MY MAMA taught me that. And anything my mama didn't know yet, God taught me through Spiritual mothers, and then I came home and told my mama what I learned, and then we both praised God together and saw GOD'S GLORY. And then we prayed, for our family, for ourselves, and for our enemies. And then I sat down and wrote a song about it all, and you listened.
I need voice lessons again, and the video is long b/c I talk about the different things I thought to do... and then demonstrate it horribly :D. My objection- 2 kids and 17 years since a voice lesson. And having skipped half my music classes senior year. Something like that. This is ridiculously hard on my pride to post, so yeah... ENJOY MOMMY.
Happy Mother's Day! I LOVE YOU!
I respond to myself, "Not so powerful, true, BUT PERHAPS maybe not stinking flat! ha"
March 5th, 2022
I've always had intense emotions; they fuel my creativity, for better or worse. Yesterday I ended up with a few hours home alone. I was supposed to meet up with my family for a car show and some geocaching, but I chose to let the grandparents and Auntie "Fuffie," (as Eden calls her) entertain my kids for a change while I spent some time with my old best friend, who has certainly been on her last leg for decades now. She can't even be tuned anymore, but like most things these days, I have to make due. We're living in my father's house with only a portion of our belongings at the moment and dressing in jeans and sweaters in 85 degree heat.... so as you can imagine, nothing is that polished. And the pain of watching the previous life being cut down can sometimes be intense. So what do I do? I do what I always did with this friend of mine. I tell her about it, talk to her about it, and then I get up and do the next thing.
Penned these lines yesterday during a brief session of consolation with my old friend.
one hand. we began.
one dream, gone.
How long? How wrong am I, or is it you that fell down?
one man. one aim.
no fame, but strong.
How long in the grave? Three days till the stone rolled away.
Walk the Road; bear the load of faith.
You're there, and I'm gone,
and where we'll land isn't know.
We can't be together now, so I wait, but not alone.
Walk the Road; bear the load of faith.
I don't know. I don't know how long.
I don't know; we'll see. I could be wrong.
You may not be the one. I've been wrong before.
I am here; I am here to stay.
I will see the Lord's day.
'Cause like I said, like I said, that stone is gone!
Walk the Road; bear the load of faith!
THE NEW YORK BLESSING : 100 CHURCHES SINGING A BLESSING OVER NEW YORK CITY It’s Here! Join the chorus! @transformcities @lead.nyc #blessingnewyork #newyork #blessing #unity #newyorkcity #transformcities
Psalm 103
Jesse and I read Psalm 103 this morning and ended up in a discussion about how God is often not preached in our churches. Rules and regulations are preached. How-to's are preached, but the Gospel and God? Often left out... So what follows is my commentary on Psalm 103 as it describes the Lord...God is so good.
Short disclaimer- this video is bold. It offers grace to everyone. That's right. Every person, regardless of gender, race, ethnicity, or sexual orientation. I believe our churches are supposed to be houses of worship of the GOD who loves PEOPLE and sent His Son to redeem PEOPLE. I also believe, however, that our houses of worship have to be safe. They cannot be places where we allow people to publically gather when they are in open sin and pose a threat to others, especially minors. So before I get the hate-mail that I'm a hypocrite if I also believe in church discipline, I place that disclaimer. If someone is posing a threat to the free worship of others and is not agreeable to sanction, a person may need to be asked not to worship publically for a time, but otherwise, people should be welcome in our churches regardless of their sin or dirtiness or potential for sin. That's all.
A year ago today I got to sing in the prayer chapel at Gordon-Conwell again. This chapel built me... literally. My relationship with God was carved into my heart while I lay on my hands and knees in this chapel many a day.... afternoons, evenings, late nights, praying, crying, writing, meeting God. Do you have a place like that? Literally I feel God's presence in this room. I can't explain it. It's the closest and most surreal, supernatural experience of God's Spirit I ever encounter. I love this place. I wish I could soul sabbath there on a monthly basis...
....
How many of you are feeling tired? I'm tired. That's for sure. I wrote this post, and then accidentally deleted the entire thing. It was witty. It was trite. It was nice, but it's gone, and now I haven't a clue what I wrote before and the kids are asking for food. Between kids and home, and trying to minister to the people God brings into my life, I'm tired. I suppose we all are. But God can sustain us. God does sustain us, when we are weary, and when we are feeling alone.
This is a song I used to sing when I was kid and would go on auditions. Through the years, God has kept it close to my heart. I'd find myself humming it and singing it to myself while I cleaned, cooked, put on my make-up, or drove the long drives between Boston, New York, and Augusta, Georgia. It's old school, for sure- Kathy, Troccoli circa about 1998, but the message is clear... if it wasn't for our pain in life, how would we know that God actually delivered us out of them all? Or could? If it weren't for the pain, how would we know just how supernatural and incredible God is?? I pray you will be encouraged by this. I know Mama will be, and that's mainly who I make these little ditties for.
Originally Recorded by Kathy Troccoli
Lyrics by Jackie Gouch-Farris and Andrew Winston Gouch
Acapella in the LES while Eden napped and Eli watched Bubble Guppies and I texted with Mama about her blood pressure medicine. Pray for Mama guys!
If it wasn't for the times that I was down
If it wasn't for the times that I was bound
For all the times that I wondered
How I would ever make it through
All the times that I couldn't see my way
And I had to turn to You
For all the times that I wondered
How I would ever make it through
All the times that I couldn't see my way
And I had to turn to You
How would I know You could deliver
How would I know You could set free
If there had never been a battle
How would I know the victory
How would I know You could be faithful
To meet all of my needs
Lord I appreciate the hard times
Otherwise how would I know
How would I know You could set free
If there had never been a battle
How would I know the victory
How would I know You could be faithful
To meet all of my needs
Lord I appreciate the hard times
Otherwise how would I know
I remember all the times I had to cry
And at the time all I could do was wonder why
Why would a God so kind and loving
Allow me to go through all this pain
If I could see into the future
Then I would know the joy I'd gain
How would I know that you could make a way out of no way
How would I know if I never had a need
Brother I know what you're goin' through
Sister I know cause I've been in your shoes
But I can truly say that I know what God can do
My upper register SUCKS right now. I spent some of my free time this week trying to get a decent recording made for the New York Blessing Project. This was NOT the final draft. The final draft got uploaded to some guy's dropbox, bless that man's soul...and it sounded less like me during childbirth than this video does... but yeah....Vocalize. Daily. If you want to be able to pretend to be a singer. Vocalize. And do your breathing exercises. I was listening back to myself and trying to grab my own freaking arm (an act performed by Whitney, Cynthia, and I countless times in Neva Fickling Hall while we completely judgmentally listened to awful sounds coming out of some poor soul's mouth as they attempted to sing on stage....) I said to Jesse, "I sound like I'm dying!" He said, "Well you just sound like you are running out of breath." And I was like "Yeah- like I'm dying. Holy Crap that's terrible." Practice people. Go to a room and practice. Ms. Marie and Dr. Stanley are telling me to get my hours in, and I'm at the Bennet Center or in the Co-op drinking cherry coke and eating chik-fil-a. PRACTICE PEOPLE! And I miss you Clarke Perry. That is all.
This piece speaks about how Christians focus
on these small rules and laws that they take great delight in following to a tee while neglecting the GREATER CALL. We called to MAKE disciples, which includes preaching and teaching them ALL that Jesus preached and taught... Jesus... yes Jesus...I invite my opponents into a thorough
study of Jesus which will reveal a Savior who is nothing like the Western
construct preached in many of America’s churches… I pray for the countless pastors in
this nation, that many of them will come to meet this Jesus of whom they seek to preach. He is rich in truth, mercy, grace, and
justice. And He will accept even them...
I can't run and I can't hide
From all the things that wanna come to light
I can buy and I can sell
Find my own story to tell
Run from the quiet and the calm and lonely night
But when the day is said and done
And I turn the music down
What I find is what I worked so hard to hide
That I'm the same as everyone
There's nothin' new under the sun
Just variations of how lostness will unwind
When I don't try my mind will rest
On how I'm sick and I'm depressed
Yet there are those for whom my life would be a feast.
Because I live inside this scene
Of a movie's beauty queen
So out of touch with a world of real suffering
So as the sun goes slowly down
I finally stop. I'm finally found
And touch the meaningless of so much I fear.
And as I cry myself to sleep
I pray tomorrow I might be
More worthy of this God who sees what's really here
Cause if you keep all but one law
You are guilty of them all
And in your partiality and judgment, brother,
Is your downfall
So in the morn, remind me Lord
To spend your money and your time
Not on me but unto the least of these
To ship off what I do not need
To be your hands, to be your feet
To mouths that hunger and hands that actually know need.
And Lord help me afterall
Cause you know I'm prone to fall
Into disguise and forsake your greater call.
Your greater call. Your greater call.
Cause if you keep all but one law
You are guilty of them all
And in your partiality and judgment, brother,
Composed 2007
Recorded 2011-
This has been one of my favorite-go-to pieces for years....I play it as comfort and solace for myself. It binds me...keeps me near to God, and reflects my heart even in the midst of hard circumstances.
Franklin's Song
Composed 2009 or 2010
Recorded July, 2011
Wrote this back in 2009 or 2010, back when it was getting ridiculously hard to live alone in NY. Long distance boyfriend. Long distance family. Following Jesus, but oh the loneliness and pain… those were really hard years. God did a lot of good, powerful work, but I don’t know that many knew just how much of a toll it took on me… I probably didn’t communicate it well, and I don’t know that many people gave me much grace when I shared, nor did I give grace to myself. It probably felt threatening for those I was serving to hear how unhappy I was. I get that. We all needed a theology for pain and what it meant to give God one’s life.
I can’t find the original draft, so I rewrote the lyrics this morning… but now I gotta figure out the chords again- annoying! (Any musician with a better ear wanna do that for me pretty please- my chord progressions are never that complex...😁)??. Anyway, this is a rough draft, and the end still needed working out as one can hear. But you'll get the idea though. Shouldn’t take a genius to figure out the characters in the story 😊. Originally I wanted to title it “For Franklin” although it obviously talks about the entire family (or the entire family as it was then….we didn’t have a few of the current main characters yet....Ellis et.al)!
Composed April 2007
When people find out I'm from Georgia, one of the first things they say to me is that they can't detect an accent. I'm afraid it has been lost after all these years in Yankee country, but if you ever wondered what Southern Megin sounded like....well here you go! This is Megin circa 2007. I had already lost a little bit of the accent for sure, but my speaking voice is markedly more Southern here than it is today. Geez Louise!
If you can get past the sound of 24 year old Megin, what follows is her then testimony about seminary life and a piece she wrote for senior class of 2007 at Gordon-Conwell. I don't have video of the piece, but the audio is probably the best recording I have of any of my music to date. In another life, I dream of actually recording music like a legit artist. In case you missed it above, you can click here.
Prada Shoes and Winston Rings
Composed February 23, 2006
Recorded January 2011
Recorded here in 2010 or 2011
Covers:
Circa 2011- Playing around with Adele...who is basically a goddess in my mind...
Acapella Sessions:
This will be an experimentation with some pieces I wrote back in 2005 and 2006. I don't have space to set up my keyboard in our apartment right now, and covid keeps me away from the church piano, so we'll be super tween redneck here as I sing into my phone while occasionally checking to see if I've gone completely flat. I will try to load the videos directly but may end up routing to a google album simply because I'm impatient trying to load this stuff with kids and a dog and a cat and a husband. ❤
SpringTime-
Composed January 22, 2006
Recorded in between kid naps.
Spring time is my dream. I'm holding to what I can only claim.
Everything I see pulls me down into the infamous domain.
The old photographs reveal the days before I knew what it meant to feel,
waiting for you to clear the air I breathe.
Maybe is where I live with the lingerings of all the might have beens.
Praying for words to give to free you from the drought of sin.
Careless days foretell a life before a silent hell
of knowing nothing real to fill
We drank it then, I drink it now
Wonder will I make it out somehow.
When the winter never ends
on the streets of Boston
Consumes your every thought. It defines you when it ought not...
Tells you who you are, the blood in your veins as you fight.
Kiss me once and then I'll know the truth
Pretend I'm someone else and you're not you.
They drank it then, you drink it now.
Maybe God will heal them all somehow.
The signs they warn ya'
on the streets of California
Maybe we'll meet in a world where we don't know
and feel it all from the beginning again,
but this time we can't afford the broken road
that takes the lives of men and women
We drank it once for all time
Jesus blood in the form of win
when the sweet o're takes the bitter end,
on the streets of heaven
where the sweet o're takes the bitter end,
on the streets of heaven
where the sweet o're takes the bitter end,
on the streets of what might have been
Easy-
Composed January 7, 2006
Recorded 14 years later while son slept in his pirate ship and daughter on daddy's chest.
The Greater Call: You speak of social justice too much, I am
challenged. Why don’t you champion saving the life of the unborn, and fighting
for the freedom to share the Christian faith… The last time I checked, people
are free to share their faith, that’s what I’m doing right now…and what my challenger
is telling me I am doing wrong. And I certainly value the life of the unborn
and think we should honor it and fight to save it. As well, we should fight for
the women to have the right and access to medical interventions (i.e. abortions)
when they need them to spare their own lives or furthering suffering in this
broken world. It’s not a black-and-white issue. Racism, however, that does come
down to black and white, and too many Christians deny it is an issue at all. Christians
should not judge and legislate with laws that strain out the gnat and swallow
the camel. The Hebrew Bible and New Testament are RICH with the call to justice
for the oppressed. Isaiah, the book we sing at Christmas as we look to Jesus as
the Suffering Servant, is a call to action for the oppressed, (and that’s
just one example), and I don’t find the bible thumping white male to be the
oppressed in this country. Sorry. But that’s the truth. The white-Christian-male
has plenty of rights and is naturally respected. He’s mostly working from home
these days, free of the corona-virus while the black men are dying at disproportionate rates and hate crimes are committed against Muslims and people who identify as
LGBTQ. While, as Diane Sawyer pointed out last night in her special, Our New Normal, on ABC, that statistics show the frontline workers are disproportionately
women and people of color.
The Greater Call (written and recorded in 2009)
Sometimes it's not enoughI can't run and I can't hide
From all the things that wanna come to light
I can buy and I can sell
Find my own story to tell
Run from the quiet and the calm and lonely night
But when the day is said and done
And I turn the music down
What I find is what I worked so hard to hide
That I'm the same as everyone
There's nothin' new under the sun
Just variations of how lostness will unwind
When I don't try my mind will rest
On how I'm sick and I'm depressed
Yet there are those for whom my life would be a feast.
Because I live inside this scene
Of a movie's beauty queen
So out of touch with a world of real suffering
So as the sun goes slowly down
I finally stop. I'm finally found
And touch the meaningless of so much I fear.
And as I cry myself to sleep
I pray tomorrow I might be
More worthy of this God who sees what's really here
Cause if you keep all but one law
You are guilty of them all
And in your partiality and judgment, brother,
Is your downfall
So in the morn, remind me Lord
To spend your money and your time
Not on me but unto the least of these
To ship off what I do not need
To be your hands, to be your feet
To mouths that hunger and hands that actually know need.
And Lord help me afterall
Cause you know I'm prone to fall
Into disguise and forsake your greater call.
Your greater call. Your greater call.
Cause if you keep all but one law
You are guilty of them all
And in your partiality and judgment, brother,
Is your downfall
Composed 2007
Recorded 2011-
This has been one of my favorite-go-to pieces for years....I play it as comfort and solace for myself. It binds me...keeps me near to God, and reflects my heart even in the midst of hard circumstances.
The
storms been raging,
no
sunlight for days.
My
heart is silent
as
I wait for grace.
It’s
all around me,
but
I just can’t see
for
clouds outweighing
the
simplicity of listening…
So I will wait for You, Lord,
and I will feed on truth, in Your
word
Though the storms of suffering
remain,
I will follow You.
My
face is stained now,
but
not only with my tears.
Because
this burdens not mine alone to bear
but
Yours that I share…
So I will wait for You
and I will feed on truth
Though the storms of suffering
remain,
I will follow You
And
I will stop with all my pleas,
and
I will open up my ears.
And
I will let my words cease;
You
will be all I hear.
Lord
be all I fear.
And I will wait for You.
And I will feed on Truth.
Though the storms of suffering
remain
I will follow, I will follow, I will
follow You.
Franklin's Song
Composed 2009 or 2010
Recorded July, 2011
Wrote this back in 2009 or 2010, back when it was getting ridiculously hard to live alone in NY. Long distance boyfriend. Long distance family. Following Jesus, but oh the loneliness and pain… those were really hard years. God did a lot of good, powerful work, but I don’t know that many knew just how much of a toll it took on me… I probably didn’t communicate it well, and I don’t know that many people gave me much grace when I shared, nor did I give grace to myself. It probably felt threatening for those I was serving to hear how unhappy I was. I get that. We all needed a theology for pain and what it meant to give God one’s life.
I can’t find the original draft, so I rewrote the lyrics this morning… but now I gotta figure out the chords again- annoying! (Any musician with a better ear wanna do that for me pretty please- my chord progressions are never that complex...😁)??. Anyway, this is a rough draft, and the end still needed working out as one can hear. But you'll get the idea though. Shouldn’t take a genius to figure out the characters in the story 😊. Originally I wanted to title it “For Franklin” although it obviously talks about the entire family (or the entire family as it was then….we didn’t have a few of the current main characters yet....Ellis et.al)!
I look out the window before I fly off into the sunrise.
He’s still filled of questions and full of kisses; we say goodbye.
And I fight back the tears because he’s so young in years.
Is it fair to him that I follow a high call with my life?
So don’t fail me now- comfort a little boy’s heart somehow
Fuel me on the inside; comfort the little child as he
cries
Seek the kingdom and You say You will provide.
He leaves me at the nighttime. Once a young man, getting older now
He’s still got that same heart, growing darker, growing colder now.
And I pray every time that he’ll give You his life
And pray that You’ll spare him till the next time, please be a next
time.
So don’t fail me- comfort an old man’s heart somehow.
Fuel me on the inside. Hold him up if he cries.
I will seek first your kingdom trusting you will
provide
Mother and son, oh the story is not done.
Through the years he could become the wiser one.
Sister and brother, a young girl becomes a mother in her own right…
To leave them no longer, I long for, but to leave them, do we grow
stronger?
So don’t fail me now. Comfort all our hearts somehow.
Fuel me on the inside, comfort this little girl who cries.
Who seeks first Your kingdom trusting You will provide….
All these things, all these things, You will provide….
Composed April 2007
When people find out I'm from Georgia, one of the first things they say to me is that they can't detect an accent. I'm afraid it has been lost after all these years in Yankee country, but if you ever wondered what Southern Megin sounded like....well here you go! This is Megin circa 2007. I had already lost a little bit of the accent for sure, but my speaking voice is markedly more Southern here than it is today. Geez Louise!
If you can get past the sound of 24 year old Megin, what follows is her then testimony about seminary life and a piece she wrote for senior class of 2007 at Gordon-Conwell. I don't have video of the piece, but the audio is probably the best recording I have of any of my music to date. In another life, I dream of actually recording music like a legit artist. In case you missed it above, you can click here.
I place my shattered will in the nail scarred hands
As His flesh and blood reveal these new demands.
I thought all of my plans were for His good,
But the ways and the glory of the Lord, I misunderstood
And now He says unto me, ‘what is it you believe?’
So I’ve been silent for a while on my knees
I came with plan and I came with a dream,
and I called it God’s glory.
But then I met a nail scarred hand, and I met a pierced side
and a choice to surrender all to thee.
And I fell down in pain and agony..
And said my Lord I’m just too weak
And can’t this cup pass from me
And then He said unto me
that if I would just believe I would see the glory
And then He said unto me that it is when I am weak
that He is strong despite me; He said all these things to me
Martha came with tears and said Lord if only you’d been here
When my brother was dying
But I know of your great might and that you make all things right
And at the resurrection my brother will rise
And Jesus hung his head, and Jesus wept for Lazarus;
And Jesus said…
My life isn’t what I’d thought it would be
But on my life is a great calling
To pick up my cross and let my will die
For me to live it is Christ
Say I Lord unto thee that I believe I will see the glory,
and say I Lord unto thee that I gladly will be weak
for thou art strong despite me.
And Say I Lord unto thee come and take this life.
Crucify it and rise it with Christ.
Say I Lord all these things to thee.
Prada Shoes and Winston Rings
Composed February 23, 2006
Recorded January 2011
Eve's Song
Composed in early 2006Recorded here in 2010 or 2011
And can we just talk about what in the WORLD was I doing with this crazy theme that I used when I recoreded the video? hahah And I feel like I even had a tiiiiny bit of my Southern accent remaining then. It is surely gone now. Oh how things change...how the turn tables, (for fans of the The Office.... Eli loves that show, which makes me feel simultaneously like an incredible and terrible parent).
Acapella Sessions:
SpringTime-
Composed January 22, 2006
Recorded in between kid naps.
Spring time is my dream. I'm holding to what I can only claim.
Everything I see pulls me down into the infamous domain.
The old photographs reveal the days before I knew what it meant to feel,
waiting for you to clear the air I breathe.
Maybe is where I live with the lingerings of all the might have beens.
Praying for words to give to free you from the drought of sin.
Careless days foretell a life before a silent hell
of knowing nothing real to fill
We drank it then, I drink it now
Wonder will I make it out somehow.
When the winter never ends
on the streets of Boston
Consumes your every thought. It defines you when it ought not...
Tells you who you are, the blood in your veins as you fight.
Kiss me once and then I'll know the truth
Pretend I'm someone else and you're not you.
They drank it then, you drink it now.
Maybe God will heal them all somehow.
The signs they warn ya'
on the streets of California
Maybe we'll meet in a world where we don't know
and feel it all from the beginning again,
but this time we can't afford the broken road
that takes the lives of men and women
We drank it once for all time
Jesus blood in the form of win
when the sweet o're takes the bitter end,
on the streets of heaven
where the sweet o're takes the bitter end,
on the streets of heaven
where the sweet o're takes the bitter end,
on the streets of what might have been
Easy-
Composed January 7, 2006
Recorded 14 years later while son slept in his pirate ship and daughter on daddy's chest.
It’s easy to
run, to fall in love, and to deny
It’s easy to
create pain, to lose my way, and think I know what I want
It’s so hard
to really love God, to really live with just what I need.
And it’s so
hard to follow when my natural inclination is to go another way
It’s easy to
hide. It’s easier to lie.
It’s so hard
to make it right when my sins ruined my life…
My prayer
Lord is to be restored Lord.
My moments
of life are yours Lord
Captivate
and hold; recreate and mold
My life
rests in Your hand till there’s nothing that I can demand
I’ve built
my world around shiny things that I can’t hold
I’ve let my
feet leave the ground on coattails that aren’t my own.
I’ve asked
you for reasons why. I’ve forgotten, and I’ve cried,
And I’ve
clung to the righteous men that I’ve hidden my shame in.
My prayer
Lord is to be restored Lord.
My moments
of life are yours Lord
Captivate
and hold; the wilderness of my heart untold.
My life
rests in Your hand till there’s nothing that I can demand
The waters
rush over me as You’re washing me clean.
The bread
and wine feed me as You sanctify me…
My prayer
Lord is to be restored Lord.
My moments
of life are yours Lord
Captivate
and hold; the ruins of my heart unfold
My life
rests in Your hand till there’s nothing that I can demand
In the Lord’s
descent, my hope is found.
I live
because what was lost is found
My life is
hid with God
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