Rejuvenated by a Nursing Home
I'll admit, some of the puzzles were too hard for me...but I got this one :)
Christen played the violin...and people hummed and sang along. So sweet. Afterward, a few were like "do you know God Bless America?!" haha Apparently Aunt Ruby told someone they'd want to hear that :).
Attempting to be the children's choir :) "What version of Amazing Grace was THAT?" :)
Recently, YCF volunteered to be the entertainment for a few hours at Nursing home in Flushing. I usually don't do outings at night because I am apparently 95 years old trapped inside a 28 year old's body. I got tricked, however, in that this event was originally planned for the afternoon and only changed AFTER I'd committed to it and had started looking forward to it. (Sneaky Dana and Cheryl. Sneaky! ;)).
I really felt drawn to this event, however, and I HAD to go. I think it reminded me of the times that we sang at nursing homes in middle school and high school or the times that we served at Nursing homes with Lord Players in college. I could remember clearly that the individuals there REALLY appreciated it, and I could remember always feeling such a pull to make them smile at each of those childhood or college visits.
Well, this visit was much what I expected as compared to previous, and it went well. They really really loved everything we did even though they had expected a 'children's choir,' and got instead, a bunch of near 30 year old doing some make shift singing and playing wheel of fortune. haha It didn't seem to matter to them though, and afterward they made that clear by chatting with us for an hour after the event was done. From the stories I've heard from others, everyone had some type of really great conversation. I got the phone number and mailing address of a woman that I spoke with, Loretta, and look forward to keeping in touch with her.
As I drove home that night and to church the next morning, I couldn't help but feel so rejuvinated about serving others. I was willing to go out of my way to keep up t his relationship with Loretta, go to visit her, serve her, even if it meant later sleeping times and less Megin time. Why?? I don't feel like this at GFC with the kids that often. My job IS serving and helping, but it often feels heavy or, gulp, burdensome. WHY??? As I was driving, I knew that the previous night had reconfirmed that God has called me to a merciful ministry of helping those who are in need. So how come sometimes I feel so out of strength with the CC and GFC ministry?
Well, I figured out the answer. It kind of hit me clearly and immediately. The people at the nursing home were SO APPRECIATIVE of us. They were so affirming and thankful. They weren't greedy at all. They were humble. I mean, I suppose when you are alone at a home or very sick and ailing, it's easier to be humble.
I thought back on all the volunteer work I did from high school and on and all the summers I spent not working but just serving at some type of center or with some organization to help people who needed it and couldn't really afford it. All of that work always cemented in me that God had called me to ministry...but, in a way, that work also deceived me. haha I suppose God allowed it to deceive me because if I had REALLY known the full truth and how it would feel, I might have backed out. :).
But just like at the nursing home, summers in China or serving at a youth center always rewarded me with the greatful smiles of such appreciative people and their countless words of affirmation and pleas that I come again or send someone else. They needed Jesus, and they needed ME to bring Him to them, and they were THANKFUL that I was. That felt good on an infinite amount of levels. Who wouldn't want to do that for their entire life?
But the honest truth is that not all ministry is like that, especially not when your ministry is to middle school children that don't even know what they need. (tiny aside example: i went out of my way yesterday to get something for the CC kids b/c they'd been asking. Even tho my morning was met with many unexpected hindrances and I had to run around like crazy to get these things for the kids, I did it because I want to serve them. Then when I asked for help carrying things up stairs, I had to ask 3 times from the two boys there. One finally came, but the other didn't come until forced by another teacher. Then he put one light thing in his hand and ran away...and i had to call him back to carry more. he grumbled and complained...but...THE STUFF WAS HIS! FOR HIM!!!!)
So yeah, I guess it's nice to know that the reason I want to give up sometime isn't because God hasn't called me to ministry; rather, it is because I feel so overlooked and unappreciated. I think people in the 'smaller' ministry jobs probably feel like that a lot. They aren't pastors, so they don't get the 'official' thanks or appreciation for putting up with everything. I don't mean to say pastor's don't have hard jobs...I just mean to say that most people get that pastor's have hard jobs...even if they are the ones making it hard, so even when they don't mean it completely, they'll try to say 'thanks for being the pastor i suppose!' ha! And since I don't really serve people at GFC all that much, I shouldn't expect them to be thanking me a lot and telling me they appreciate me or that they are glad I'm here. I'm not helping them. So then I suppose it's easier to feel forgotten or even worse ineffective and pointless? And it really sinks in when life in New York frustrates me and beats me up. (for example: i recently got two tickets in the mail that i never received and they are for times that I was not even around my home -such as a sunday morning. and another is for a street i haven't parked on...i appealed these...and was still found guilty. I'm gonna have to pay NY $300 of money that I don't have...and right after I got the mail last night confirming I needed to pay it, someone stole a parking spot I was trying to park in and i had to drive around for another 20 minutes...) So yeah, sucky things happen that remind me that I am out of my cultural element and doing it all for the love of God and obeying a call to help others...but I do desire recognition.
How much desire of recognition is wrong? Well, I'd say if we get bitter and angry and passive aggressive and stuff b/c we don't feel appreciated enough, we might very well be sinning. duh. But if people are made in God's image and for relationship, a degree of appreciation and validation is good and not sinful. The desire for love is not sinful. The desire for marriage is not sinful (for example), but these things can be if made idols. So I don't want to make my feelings an idol. I often just beat myself up for wanting appreciation or recognition, but the other day as I was having a typical time of yelling at myself in my head b/c I didn't feel appreciated, I remembered about Jesus when he was in that certain town (i forget where) and the text says that the people had so little faith that he could do very few miracles there.
The bible often talks about the link between our faith and seeing God's answers to prayer. And if Jesus did not perform as many miracles in a town b/c the people were lacking in faith, it kind of makes me feel less like I'm an awful person. If I am encouraged, I usually naturally serve more and more and go above and beyond very easily. When I am discouraged, it is much harder to give, and even if I push myself to the limits, I am not going to physically be able to give as much as when I am encouraged and uplifted. Perhaps this is what that text is about, and perhaps this fact about me in and of itself does not make me a terrible sinner. Perhaps the fact that I will give more and more of myself to a place where I am appreciated but have a harder time giving where I feel unnoticed, perhaps that is not just because I am sinful but in part because I am made in the image of God and it's how people operate?
I feel scared to type that...because I do NOT mean to say it's ok to stop serving just b/c you don't feel loved. That's not what I am saying AT ALL. I hope you get that if you read this. haa
So anyway, to sum it up. Thanks YCF! I had an incredible time, and it really uplifted me and reminded me of truths. I hope we go again for many reasons. 1. The people want us back. 2. I think it was encouraging for other YCFers to serve like that. 3. Maybe other YCFers will get tricked into thinking all ministry is like that and then go into full time ministry like me :). haha Trickery. heheh I don't mean to insinuate God tricked me into ministry :). I think he prepared me and continues to prepare me for what is to come...and when pursuing any route or field, you always start off with the easy courses and work your way up :). Audible appreciation and praise=easier course. Not seen appreciation or praise= harder :).
Peace out like a trout- gotta work on the lesson for Friday night for the kids...They need a lesson...but they'll grumble and complain the entire way through it...
The wonderful wheel of fortune game :)
Justin taking the wheel around for the contestants' turns :)
Christen played the violin...and people hummed and sang along. So sweet. Afterward, a few were like "do you know God Bless America?!" haha Apparently Aunt Ruby told someone they'd want to hear that :).
Attempting to be the children's choir :) "What version of Amazing Grace was THAT?" :)
Recently, YCF volunteered to be the entertainment for a few hours at Nursing home in Flushing. I usually don't do outings at night because I am apparently 95 years old trapped inside a 28 year old's body. I got tricked, however, in that this event was originally planned for the afternoon and only changed AFTER I'd committed to it and had started looking forward to it. (Sneaky Dana and Cheryl. Sneaky! ;)).
I really felt drawn to this event, however, and I HAD to go. I think it reminded me of the times that we sang at nursing homes in middle school and high school or the times that we served at Nursing homes with Lord Players in college. I could remember clearly that the individuals there REALLY appreciated it, and I could remember always feeling such a pull to make them smile at each of those childhood or college visits.
Well, this visit was much what I expected as compared to previous, and it went well. They really really loved everything we did even though they had expected a 'children's choir,' and got instead, a bunch of near 30 year old doing some make shift singing and playing wheel of fortune. haha It didn't seem to matter to them though, and afterward they made that clear by chatting with us for an hour after the event was done. From the stories I've heard from others, everyone had some type of really great conversation. I got the phone number and mailing address of a woman that I spoke with, Loretta, and look forward to keeping in touch with her.
As I drove home that night and to church the next morning, I couldn't help but feel so rejuvinated about serving others. I was willing to go out of my way to keep up t his relationship with Loretta, go to visit her, serve her, even if it meant later sleeping times and less Megin time. Why?? I don't feel like this at GFC with the kids that often. My job IS serving and helping, but it often feels heavy or, gulp, burdensome. WHY??? As I was driving, I knew that the previous night had reconfirmed that God has called me to a merciful ministry of helping those who are in need. So how come sometimes I feel so out of strength with the CC and GFC ministry?
Well, I figured out the answer. It kind of hit me clearly and immediately. The people at the nursing home were SO APPRECIATIVE of us. They were so affirming and thankful. They weren't greedy at all. They were humble. I mean, I suppose when you are alone at a home or very sick and ailing, it's easier to be humble.
I thought back on all the volunteer work I did from high school and on and all the summers I spent not working but just serving at some type of center or with some organization to help people who needed it and couldn't really afford it. All of that work always cemented in me that God had called me to ministry...but, in a way, that work also deceived me. haha I suppose God allowed it to deceive me because if I had REALLY known the full truth and how it would feel, I might have backed out. :).
But just like at the nursing home, summers in China or serving at a youth center always rewarded me with the greatful smiles of such appreciative people and their countless words of affirmation and pleas that I come again or send someone else. They needed Jesus, and they needed ME to bring Him to them, and they were THANKFUL that I was. That felt good on an infinite amount of levels. Who wouldn't want to do that for their entire life?
But the honest truth is that not all ministry is like that, especially not when your ministry is to middle school children that don't even know what they need. (tiny aside example: i went out of my way yesterday to get something for the CC kids b/c they'd been asking. Even tho my morning was met with many unexpected hindrances and I had to run around like crazy to get these things for the kids, I did it because I want to serve them. Then when I asked for help carrying things up stairs, I had to ask 3 times from the two boys there. One finally came, but the other didn't come until forced by another teacher. Then he put one light thing in his hand and ran away...and i had to call him back to carry more. he grumbled and complained...but...THE STUFF WAS HIS! FOR HIM!!!!)
So yeah, I guess it's nice to know that the reason I want to give up sometime isn't because God hasn't called me to ministry; rather, it is because I feel so overlooked and unappreciated. I think people in the 'smaller' ministry jobs probably feel like that a lot. They aren't pastors, so they don't get the 'official' thanks or appreciation for putting up with everything. I don't mean to say pastor's don't have hard jobs...I just mean to say that most people get that pastor's have hard jobs...even if they are the ones making it hard, so even when they don't mean it completely, they'll try to say 'thanks for being the pastor i suppose!' ha! And since I don't really serve people at GFC all that much, I shouldn't expect them to be thanking me a lot and telling me they appreciate me or that they are glad I'm here. I'm not helping them. So then I suppose it's easier to feel forgotten or even worse ineffective and pointless? And it really sinks in when life in New York frustrates me and beats me up. (for example: i recently got two tickets in the mail that i never received and they are for times that I was not even around my home -such as a sunday morning. and another is for a street i haven't parked on...i appealed these...and was still found guilty. I'm gonna have to pay NY $300 of money that I don't have...and right after I got the mail last night confirming I needed to pay it, someone stole a parking spot I was trying to park in and i had to drive around for another 20 minutes...) So yeah, sucky things happen that remind me that I am out of my cultural element and doing it all for the love of God and obeying a call to help others...but I do desire recognition.
How much desire of recognition is wrong? Well, I'd say if we get bitter and angry and passive aggressive and stuff b/c we don't feel appreciated enough, we might very well be sinning. duh. But if people are made in God's image and for relationship, a degree of appreciation and validation is good and not sinful. The desire for love is not sinful. The desire for marriage is not sinful (for example), but these things can be if made idols. So I don't want to make my feelings an idol. I often just beat myself up for wanting appreciation or recognition, but the other day as I was having a typical time of yelling at myself in my head b/c I didn't feel appreciated, I remembered about Jesus when he was in that certain town (i forget where) and the text says that the people had so little faith that he could do very few miracles there.
The bible often talks about the link between our faith and seeing God's answers to prayer. And if Jesus did not perform as many miracles in a town b/c the people were lacking in faith, it kind of makes me feel less like I'm an awful person. If I am encouraged, I usually naturally serve more and more and go above and beyond very easily. When I am discouraged, it is much harder to give, and even if I push myself to the limits, I am not going to physically be able to give as much as when I am encouraged and uplifted. Perhaps this is what that text is about, and perhaps this fact about me in and of itself does not make me a terrible sinner. Perhaps the fact that I will give more and more of myself to a place where I am appreciated but have a harder time giving where I feel unnoticed, perhaps that is not just because I am sinful but in part because I am made in the image of God and it's how people operate?
I feel scared to type that...because I do NOT mean to say it's ok to stop serving just b/c you don't feel loved. That's not what I am saying AT ALL. I hope you get that if you read this. haa
So anyway, to sum it up. Thanks YCF! I had an incredible time, and it really uplifted me and reminded me of truths. I hope we go again for many reasons. 1. The people want us back. 2. I think it was encouraging for other YCFers to serve like that. 3. Maybe other YCFers will get tricked into thinking all ministry is like that and then go into full time ministry like me :). haha Trickery. heheh I don't mean to insinuate God tricked me into ministry :). I think he prepared me and continues to prepare me for what is to come...and when pursuing any route or field, you always start off with the easy courses and work your way up :). Audible appreciation and praise=easier course. Not seen appreciation or praise= harder :).
Peace out like a trout- gotta work on the lesson for Friday night for the kids...They need a lesson...but they'll grumble and complain the entire way through it...
The wonderful wheel of fortune game :)
Justin taking the wheel around for the contestants' turns :)
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