Fights

Here I will attempt to use my place of privilege to shine a light on the injustice God has allowed me to see. I do not begin to think I understand it all or have arrived, but humbly I bow my head; humbly, I lift my eyes to Him. I repent of what I have not known and of my ignorant actions. I ask for wisdom to love well and stand with my brothers and sisters. Come Lord Jesus, come... 

March 6th, 2022
 My personal pain
                            image from L'osservatoria
level at this moment is a 10... you know that little scale they make you use when they pray for your healing for you at those special healing services?? No- I'm sure most of my readers don't know about this. I've been under the influence a bit too often in my life with the improperly-charismatic (not that charismatic is improper but that there are IMPROPER charismatics) and their abusive manipulations regarding the teachings of the Spirit, so I know of the scale, where one almost feels pressured to report that something eased up...  The point is, at this moment, I'm a 10 because of personal tragedies in my own life, and when I'm in this pain, to survive, I write. I create, and then once I can't do that anymore and have no more tears to cry or patience to grieve (bc grieving does require patience and a willingness to go against the standards of our churches and cultures), I go and find and seek to help those who are even often suffering more than me! In high school, that just meant being kind to kids I knew I was at least cooler than, (and those weren't many). In college, it meant going against the status-quo and spending time volunteering instead of working cool jobs. These days, it means blogging about those who need help since I'm currently the primary care-giver of kids that can't really join the peace corps yet. Regardless, it's always meant channeling my pain into being loving as to help bring another person joy. (Some of my personal favorite ways are sitting with the elderly and listening to their stories and providing friendship or singing to them. I used to enjoy singing to my grandmother.) 
image from Russian Direct

A friend from GCTS, Mandy, posted this on her wall. I've often felt her a soul-sister even though we don't converse much. She's a beautiful artist and uses her joy, pain, and God-given creativity to put into tangible expression that which so many of us long to express and have no way to do... 



My Pain: Incomparable to others: I've found myself here as of recent. In the depths of emotional pain as the world I believed was my salvation for 14 years crumbles, and as I realize the pockets and portions of that world that were in actuality desperately dark. I felt the darkness in different ways all 14 years, but it would take 13 before I had the courage to take the actual steps needed to step into the light. Thus, currently, I'm in the hardest year of my adult life to say the least. I have to believe that the sum of my existence right now is not measured by my current circumstances or past failures or even daily mistakes as even just yesterday I was too harsh with someone when I should not have been, but this person touched a raw nerve and reminded me of all the years of pain I experienced but was told to get over or wasn't that bad. Hard, my friends, this path of godliness. It is called narrow for a reason. I believe once we reach our higher plains of discipleship there are seasons of ease and freedom during which we live for God's glory more joyfully than in tears. However, that season is not upon me. So, after getting out all the tears in my own body and sleeping, I move ahead to what comes natural- looking to love others. And when I can't get out of the house to do that well, I can at least create something that highlights what we need to be aware of.... the actuality of evil that is prevalent in even more harsh ways than having to leave our material possessions and LES apartments and New York neighborhoods. 

image from CNN
image from Politico



Psychological warfare: In this video, the Russians reportedly say, though I paraphrase: "We aren't attacking civilians. Your city isn't destroyed. We are protecting you. Don't you realize it? As your 5 friends including wife and daughter who was trapped inside her home in her wheelchair.... all dead die...." 

That was...IS ... Eega's (Iga's?) story. Evil or brainwashed men trying to get closer to Kyiv (CNN), to "strangle the city and cut it off." Still, this village offered actually no benefit to the Russians, (no military infrastructure) except to torture people so that the Ukrainians will leave, although as they seek to leave, they are being shot. 

Psychological abuse=the Kremlin. "Indiscriminate:" a word used to describe the attacks.  "Are the Russians bad at aiming .... or do they simply not care?" I think we know the answers. Evil does not care. Evil lies and then gaslights. 

Alesandra- her family has 7 people and all have to eat food, so they have enough for a week- maybe. No water; no medical supplies.

Dear Iga and Alessandra, I have never met you, but I am crying right now because of your testimony of the violence done to you and your families. I pray to God that somehow God's mercy might grant you any help of reprieve. Iga, you have said you feel empty. I have felt emptiness, but never to the depth of what you have felt. I wish I could hug you and weep with you. I wish I could bring back your friends, your wife, your child. I wish I could tell you that it will get better, but I don't even know that for sure. I can tell you that there are so many around the world who feel powerless to help you yet broken over what you are having to endure. Alessandra, I cannot imagine your pain, as a mother, to know that you cannot even control feeding and providing for your own children. I have experienced only a small portion of what that feels like, and yet so many options are open to me. They are difficult, but not as difficult as what you face to get food for your children. I pray God brings miracles to your family and you are all kept together and alive through this terrible, evil, tragedy that can only be explained as created by the father of all confusion, deceit, evil, and lies. I pray to God on your behalf and on behalf of your children. You are now one of the strongest women of whom I have ever heard. 

-a fellow sufferer of evil much less destructive
image from NYTimes



March 4th, 2022
image taken from Julie Roys.
Indeed- a pyramid scheme, if ever there was one in a church.

Stumbled upon this piece about Bethel and their monetized theology and celebritized Christianity while perusing the echo chamber which is FB (albeit I intentionally have tried to keep as diverse a friend group as possible without leading myself into too much temptation to engage in virtual discussions that benefit no one).

image from Christianity Today

Moral of the story: Oh be careful little Christian what you believe, especially in your attempt to control your world while claiming to be surrendered to the sovereignty of an Almighty God whose ways and purposes are actually so much higher than even our most high and noblest of thoughts and endeavors. We cannot know God but through Christ Jesus and the Spirit that proceeds from Him and our Heavenly Father. This Spirit cannot be manipulated, though the strategic showmen and women will most certainly try. The leakage, literal wreckage, from bad theology penetrates our fellowships and communities, and the abuses are both tangible as well we deeply imbedded in the dark intangibles of the minds. We create the prisons that enslave us even as we attempt to know our God in a way that protects us and secures us from the possibility of ever experiencing harm or pain, especially unjustly. Be careful. Just, be careful. And remember, even in the darkest days, Christ is risen from the grave. We are not without hope. We don't have to see the miracles happen in the way we desire them at the moment we desire them in order to have hope that our future is secure. Faith is what is in the unseen, not in the noticeable display of power and might, but in the stillness and peace of a heart, mind, very existence sustained by abiding in personal relationship with Christ and a healthy, wise, body of believers. Live in this world; be different in how you endure it and survive. Everyone wants the microwave answers. Our God cannot be contained in a microwave. The Gospel is the power, not the gold dust.


January 23rd, 2022
I miss you New York City! Be careful! Be well! I never considered myself well-versed in the City, but I read an article like this, or the story of these young people, and I know every place about which it speaks. The pictures, the jargon; it is all mine. January can be the hardest month for many people. We're almost through with it! Hang in there NYC!
Imagine by Stephanie Keith for NYT


May 28, 2020- that is the last time I updated this page. That was almost a year ago. "It's been a year. Why doesn't she write?" That's one of the questions I've been asked. Other comments have been...

"I was enjoying your blogging. What happened?"
"Megin, please keep writing. I think it will help you grow, in your walk, your faith." 
"Well at least now you can focus on your kids, your real ministry." 
"Oh, you had a blog?" 

Some comments I appreciate. Others I roll my eyes at, even though they do make tiny zings here and there.

Truth is, it's been A YEAR, right? A FREAKING HARD YEAR! I confess, sometimes I find it easier to commiserate and be honest with my friends who are not Christians or ''believers," or who are just some type of "spiritual" person, but not nailed down in faith. I think I relate with them well because my faith is filled with unknowns, fears, doubts, confusions, questions, as well as things I am PASSIONATE AND ADAMANT ABOUT which MUST be truth....similar to the disciples I think... don't you think their faith was like that? And probably many of the first believers, or even those saints of old who fought their way through some of the most heinous and tumultuous times in our history of life...HELLO- WORLD WARS.... GENOCIDE... PLAGUES... History spans far beyond 1982....or even 1952, when some of our parents, who may think they know everything, were born (not actually referring to my parents here). But every generation has had their answers, right? Or those who thought they knew best... and so far, we are all still struggling... so when I say "It's a been a year!" looking for sympathy, honestly, I should just say, "It's been an existence, right?" 

Recently we got the ''result'' some of us wanted with George Floyd and the trial of his murderer(s). "What more do they want?" I've heard asked, about the STILL angry black women...and men... (dareth you be one actually and risk your life and reputation). How much more WOKE do we have to listen to? Just last week, I listened to a mom of a friend of Eli's complain about the fact she was moving to this new country. The country was great in that it had no covid, but omgeeee it had universal healthcare, so she was convinced they'd still die. Such communists basically. Idiots. (the country...in her opinion that is...not my opinion of her). "All they do is give bandaids to cancer patients, she complains." Yet the same system she HATES for its healthcare is the system that has KEPT covid out... so hmmm... I'm thinking it's a bit more complex than these hardcore extremeties.

I wrote this poem, after I heard about the verdict in Floyd's murder, and immediately being asked why this wasn't going to fix ''things." It barely encapsulates the confusion that is in my brain, and I'm a white person. I can't imagine being black right now... it's hard enough to have Asian kids and an Asian spouse right now. What if Jesse were black, and I had to worry about my son becoming a man.... and getting shot, for.....basically anything while being black?? I don't worry as much, honestly, with Asian kids, as I would. I'm sure they'll get bullied, but the cops won't shoot them. Not that either is okay. And hopefully the EverTrumpers (that I'm not even sure he would affirm) won't kill them for the Chinavirus, (that he did refer to many times).

I remember the words I heard when I first got engaged to an Asian man. "At least he's not black." Words coming from someone who is NOT racist, by the way....👎👎

A las, enough rambling, after this year hiatus...waiting to feel I had something to offer before I came back... I finally gave up. I have nothing to offer. I'm just like you. I'll just come back and say the sh** you want to say but know you'll get in big trouble for... (sorry. I'm still not supposed to say sh**. Because I'm a Christian, and once worked with youth, and I need to set an example....that's much better than being A REAL PERSON!!!!) ---SARCASM----

And what a year it has been for us all. Let's meet on the street and exchange empathetic sighs behind our masks.

"George Floyd's murderer was found guilty. How come it doesn't feel enough? A man was held accountable, but has there been any JUSTICE?" I hear and think some configuration of this thought a lot. And I watch as people of different races clash together, trying to fight out some GOOD, common, answer. I can't say the task is easy... 


Elusive Justice- Megin Eng  April 21, 2021
He's gone away
close the door
thud.
But who's going to clean up -
clean up the blood?
Say his name?!
He can't breathe,
Mama
When is the end to this...  ?
Trauma.

"What more do YOU want?
They've got their conviction!
Yet still here they are, 
kick, kick, kickin!
They'll never be satisfied, 
must have an ax to grind... that's just their kind, that black man." 

(and then I pause...and think here about that ax, and how heavy it is.... and how much we all need to look at it...all of us)
 
Us, them. Me, not the same as you. One more. One less. One just obviously needing to get something off his chest, "but I'm tired of listenin', so tired of listening!" the other side screams. I've had it hard too... you think MY life is easy?

But not me. Not me. Regardless my life, I'm listening. 
I'm just beginning. And if I may, could I ask, fellow sojourner, non person of color, what of this thing YOU ALL call listening? Because to me... it does not seem... to me... that you ever got past your own eye's log and tree (Matthew 7:5)... and your own need to be validated from what has not been easy.... and if so my friend, then I'm sorry, but I can't say you've been listening....

Till every name has its purpose heard and held
made clear, I write!
Till every broached wall is mended and REpaired, tell me where to fight! I am ignorant; point me aright-
Till a life can't be dismissed because of it's color
creed
hairstyle
name or weave
cultural track list
racial profile
audio track list
socio-economics
lifestyle

or hatred viewed as sins of past white father's
even though we sin with them and can't see how it bothers, 
and when we hear of repentance, think "WHY bother." That was them. NOT ME. THIS is me... and I've not hung one man upon a tree... What is repentance you speak of with ME? What more CHANGE do you need?

And I shudder...because can it be... they really think, they hung, not even one man on a tree... not even one man, cursed for thee....  (2Corinthians 5:21...so quickly forgotten by the non-racist Christian).

I would think, and respond, what do WE WANT? 
certainly not  retribution, or your persecutuion...
but a turning from....
that waits, I suppose, a lament that grieves
the way we grieve for other parts of life, other parts not how it's meant to be...
a LAMENT that stands tall to seek
a new ethic for the children of the free...to BE free
for another time, and much more fight...
much more marching, holding candle lights,
being called anarchists, because we want the right to life, 
every life, on the list, not one more and never one missed,
and all who perpetuate the hate THEMSELVES, to be the ones who would be dismissed, 
or remade, wouldn't that be a sight? A new creation by all rights... 
a new life- something redeemed
a found meaning to this... and to them, all who've gone... all we miss, for whom we long, to their lives, and their deaths, and to all of this mess...
then perhaps that would be... justice... 




Florida governor issues coronavirus stay-at-home order after heavy ...
Image from thepressdemocrat.com

People are much more predictable than many of us would like to admit. Pride is our enemy. My enemy. The Orlando Sentinel records, "...The one thing we've all learned about COVID-19 is the need for humility. It's far too unpredictable for anyone to declare that victory or doomsday is at hand." And was there a more true statement written? Well sure, there are probably many much truer statements, but this is ringing with veracity as well. This virus is not here to prop up or demolish anyone's political campaign. That is not it's agenda. This virus is a virus- just that. Rampant with evil that holds potential to squelch life. Satan is the author of destruction. God is the author of life. We should be so humble in our analysis as to yield a virus the respect it's due and engage with it properly. Battle the virus. Yes, recognize our battle is not with flesh and blood, but do not use that as an excuse to be foolish with handling of flesh. God gave us a brain to utilize as well. So fight in the spiritual realm, and wash your hands in the physical realm; pray in your prayer closet and as you put on your mask. Be a living, breathing example of the Gospel in your interactions with others and your discussing of your RELIGIOUS AND POLITICAL OPINIONS. Exude grace, mercy, justice, and righteousness, not merely arrogance, assine'ness', conceit, and corona-virus.

Perhaps he doesn't need to admit he was wrong; perhaps he could simply speak truth starting now, and we could move forward. Let's just deal with reality; prepare ourselves for reality; handle reality, clothed with the attitude of love, the fruit of the Spirit of Christ, and nothing less.

A memorial for George Floyd, who was killed by the Minneapolis police in May. One officer involved has filed chilling transcripts of body camera footage in state court.
Image from New York Times
Beware lest you become so self-assured of your rightness, so bold in your opinion, unbending in your obedience to your ethic that you wield your prowess into literal power that bears down upon a person's neck, in broad daylight, squashing the life you originally sought to guard through call and vocation. Careful lest you become the one from whom you are supposed to protect others... Careful lest you kill while being begged to yield. 

The transcript of George Floyd's murder. Be warned before you read. This is reality. It is intense. Not everyone should look; people do not need this transcript running through their minds when they think of their children or husbands. But others, others of us should read ... to listen ... to wonder... to repent ... in order that we do not become that which kills. The power of life and death is more in our hands than we care to admit... We are responsible.

When a person tells you they are dying, do you listen? I challenge you. Listen. People are dying all around you, each and every day. Listen. Take your knees of their necks. Please. See them. Hear them. Help them up off the ground. Watch out, lest you murder them without a second thought... 

Image may contain: plant and outdoor
Ji Xiang has been a member of our family for years now. He leaves to return home to China tomorrow. We don't know when we'll see him again... praying and believing in faith that we will if it be God's will.. Take care dear "Dragon." We love you so much. You have become our brother, son, nephew, grandson. Our lives are better because we have known you!

This is not the land of the free, not the home of the brave. This is the land of the ''follow my rules," and "I'm going to make more rules because I'm scared to death I might become something other than what I am which is obviously better than you." 

This ruling makes no sense to me, and it makes me sick. I've read as many articles as I can find regarding it. It does not compute. It is wrong. I get that apparently this has BEEN the rule in the past, that exchange students have to take in-person classes, but we are in the midst of a pandemic here... these are some extenuating circumstances... and the logic does not make sense. What am I missing? Why is it that a student can take a PARTIAL course load that is ALL online and stay in the country?? Why is THAT allowed but it is not allowed for that same student to take a full course load? I'll tell you why... Could it be that we are seeking to weed out those who can't afford to fork out the big bucks? If a student does not keep a certain number of course hours, he or she often loses scholarships and is forced to pay out-of-pocket tuition for course loads. Interesting. 

Similar immigration policies and supposed reforms have been made under this administration that end up offering visas and the chance for citizenship or asylum only to the most wealthy. It is disgusting. Repulsive. I want to vomit.  This administration wants to restrict immigration except the best and brightest who can give us the most money and make us the most money. All about me. All eyes on me. All about America. America first. Jesus and every body else a far-cry-off second, last, un-welcomed, not wanted.

As CNN reports, "It's another disgusting, transparent Trump administration attack on foreigners and immigrants, one that is solely about malice -- and one that further diminishes the United States' influence and reputation while putting human life at risk." 

How long will we stand and support an administration and a man who are about as UN-American not to mention UN-godly and NOT Christian as you can get?

"Give me your tired, your poor, Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, The wretched refuse of your teeming shore, Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me, I lift my lamp beside the golden door!" -Emma Lazarus That was America... THAT was the land of the free and the home of the brave, but no more. We are that no more. 

" 42For I was hungry and you gave me no food, I was thirsty and you gave me no drink, 43I was a stranger and you did not welcome me, naked and you did not clothe me, sick and in prison and you did not visit me.’ 44Then they also will answer, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or sick or in prison, and did not minister to you?’ 45Then he will answer them, saying, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to me.’"(Matthew 25). THOSE are the words of Christ. THAT is the Christian ethic, but no more. No more my friends.

You probably know students, wonderful, beautiful, amazing young people who enrich this country and who are now forced to leave. I do. It is our loss. Literally. Not theirs... this country is neither the place of which they had heard nor the home where they hoped to contribute to life, not today, not tomorrow... and possibly not ever again lest God help us and shed His grace... once again... Come Lord Jesus; help us now. 


How Cults Made America | The New Yorker
Image taken from The New Yorker

My favorite man (read that as sarcasm please) just posted an article about political cults, and I’m thankful because this issue is HUGE and infiltrating all of our lives whether we realize it or not. If we are involved in any form of social media or attempt any discussion with friends and family members holding an array of political and religious or basically any type of ideology that differs greatly from our own, we need to understand what cults are and how they work. As I type this, I should add I, myself, and YOU, my wonderful reader, are not immune or SAFE FROM the occult, not at all, in any way, shape, or form. The only safety-net from the occult is knowledge, awareness, community, and the grace of God, because Satan, the force behind all cults, political, religious, and even of seemingly neutral affiliation, IS powerful, seductive, deceptive, REAL, and nearby… Satan and the occult are right outside our doors and right inside our computers. They are everywhere. I could become a cult, but for the grace of God. This is just reality. Satan is a liar, a thief, destructive, and his modus operandi is to take any and everything that good and make it completely harmful. He takes the life-giving qualities of the pieces of God’s created world and created order and makes them draining, life-sucking, isolating, and ultimately the things that we use to FEEL like we are serving a greater cause, even God, when in actuality, what we are DOING is worshipping ourselves, idols, and our ability to control and believe we have a special, perhaps even higher, secret knowledge about how the world is to be mastered, how it works, and how we are to follow God or live or worship… a knowledge that is taught primarily by our church, or our leaders, or the Holy Spirit through our leaders and our church but only to a select few of a particular affiliation. Cults are LIARS and they are sucking us in, right and left.

 

And perhaps, as I write that, some of my less religious friends are even thinking, “this is why Christianity itself is a cult,” and I would see there point, because in all honesty, a LARGE NUMBER of our churches have become just that, cults that operate under the guise of Christian churches but actually purport to have a greater or more higher claim on the Gospel and salvation or the Holy Spirit than most other congregations or denominations or churches at large. Thus they isolate their followers, restrict them from thriving outside their congregation or attachment to it basically. They find a way to vilify large movements, even Christian movements and most other Christian resources… they mainly operate from teaching their own form of theology produced by their leaders who often have special knowledge and relationship to God and are considered prophets or holders of divine revelation. They use Scripture to back up their claims, but they purport Scripture. They don’t utilize material from multiple authors and theologians through the ages, and while they are kind to Christians from other churches, they carry out an attitude and a tone that assumes their church has higher knowledge and are greater teachers of the THE WAY while most other Christians are not as enlightened. These churches isolate the people going to their churches and laregley encourage them predominately to pursue relationships with people within their own congregation. They encourage the pulling away from family members and other friends. They shrowd this as teaching health and being differentiated, but what they are actually asking is more complete allegiance to their own prophets. They filter the news and the content of what is going on in the world through their own prophets who claim special ability to hear from God, and when other leaders or prophets disagree with them, to some degree, these prophets and preachers are villainized or belittled or preached not to have yet arrived. So yes, my friends, many Christian churches are actually cults, and I have had well-meaning friends and even family members get involved with them all the time. I get forwards and emails of cult materials. I get the condescending looks and words in conversations when I say something with which family members disagree. The church I grew up at even had cult-like tendencies. Satan is deceptive. Cults are real. Today. In 2020, in New York City and Augusta, Georgia, and Columbia, South Carolina. In Hong Kong and the United States of America, among the uneducated, the high school drop-out, and those who have attended Ivy league schools. Cults don’t discriminate. They prey on the vulnerable, and we are all vulnerable to one degree or another.

 

My man, (I can’t write that without also reminding you to read it through sarcasm- my pride won’t allow me), Joe Carter describes political cults in the following way from his recent article published by The Gospel Coalition. I would encourage the reader to be aware that you can substitute the word “political” for “religious” and just change around some of the specific characteristics.

 

So what is a cult? Joe’s words are these….

 

“While cults are often considered religious phenomena, they can also be political. What defines a cult is often debated, but they tend to share certain traits. In 1981, the psychiatrist Robert Jay Lifton wrote an influential article on “Cult Formation.” Lifton identified three characteristics associated with cults:

 

1.       A charismatic leader, who increasingly becomes an object of worship as the general principles that may have originally sustained the group lose power. That is a living leader, who has no meaningful accountability and becomes the single most defining element of the group and its source of power and authority.

 

2.       A process [of indoctrination or education that involves] coercive persuasion or thought reform. For example, members of the group engaging in behavior that is not in their own best interest but promotes the interest of the group and its leader.

 

3.       Economic, sexual, and other exploitation of group members by the leader and the ruling coterie.

 

Lifton also identifies several other traits of cults: milieu control (the control of all communication within a given environment), mystical manipulation (turning the member into a pawn who will spread the message and carry out actions for the group), and dispensing of existence (i.e., those who have not seen the light and embraced the truth are wedded to evil, tainted, and therefore in some sense, usually metaphorical, lack the right to exist).

 

Jeremy E. Sherman also notes, “Cults are not defined by what their members believe but by how they enable members to translate their beliefs into a source of permanent self-affirmation, self-protection, and self-aggrandizement, sacrificing all else to maintain their membership in something that keeps their encouragement-to-discouragement ratio forever high.” 

-Joe Carter, The Gospel Coalition, The FAQs: What Christians Should Know About QAnon

Read his entire article. Google ‘cults.’ Think about your life. Think about what you read on Facebook, online, and what you forward. Think about where you worship. Think about all these things and ask God to speak to your heart and lead and guide you, and then ask your friends and family what they think…. BUT PLEASE, do not just ask the people involved in your group or organization about which you reserve any doubt or are inquiring. No cult is going to readily or willing admit they are a cult. They are going to get pissed about it, and perhaps that’s a good warning sign. If you feel like you can’t ask your leaders if they are a cult without them just laughing at you and saying “yes we’ve been accused of that, but it’s so off-base” or shaming you… let that be a HUGE warning flag. Ding-ding-ding. Anyone not humble enough constantly to check oneself or their church or ideology is in actuality quite in danger of becoming a cult.

 

Okay. Soapbox done, for the moment at least. 



Olivier Douliery/AFP via Getty Images via NPR.org
I posted this article on Facebook this morning in the heat of the moment and then removed it. When I saw it, I was angry. I wanted to lash out against it. I could not believe it. But I could. That's just it. I could believe it, and I wanted to lash out as a way to attempt to get people who are Christian and who support him to PLEASE condemn this, but I thought better to wait. Yes, what this man had done was evil, but it would still be evil a few hours later; at the moment, I should focus my mind on worship and not wage war . Wait, instead, until I had time to decompress, think, and speak not in haste. So I did... so I have.

I would prefer to refrain from rampant rebuke this Sabbath, but identifying what is evil is godly. I seek to follow the ethic of Christ. In one way, Christ sought peace. In another way, Christ did not seek peace, but division, and to distinguish between what is righteous and what is not. Christ called out what should not be. We must call out what is not okay, even if it is uncomfortable to talk about. Christians must say when something is unjust and wrong.

Our president tweeted a video where someone lauds ''white power.'' That is not okay. Our president has said and done many things which lead people to feel they can invoke his name in attempts to perpetuate racist crimes against humanity. That is not okay. Our president, by virtue of things he says and how he talks to certain people, perpetuates a sexist and racist attitude. That is to be grieved. Grieve it with me. God can redeem our country. God will redeem our world in which our country is a part. There will be a day when all is laid bare. Let us set aside our politics and our affiliations and talk about an action, a behavior. I am glad he took the tweet down. I am very disappointed that he put it out there to begin with. It was wrong. As a follower of Jesus, I have to say it was wrong. I cannot say anything else about it but that it was wrong. He should not have done that. It was hurtful. He should apologize. He won't. People will make excuses for him why he can't. But let's be real- be honest about what is happening. He is being racist. He is doing things wrong, and people are saying they love Jesus out of one side of their mouth and out of the other side making excuses for a man who does not represent Christ and ACTING like the man is actually a GOOD GUY. Why defend so much someone who is perpetuating hate and his own agenda? Let's just be honest about who this person is. This is not about politics. This is about humanity, morality, integrity, honesty, authenticity. REALITY. This is not politics. This is real life. This is not the way it is supposed to be. Help us Jesus.

Andrew Caballero-Reynolds/AFP via Getty Images via NPR.org
Racism Alive and Well, and within the community of people who are supposed to protecting the communities. I get that being a cop means a person puts him or herself in the literal line-of-fire on a daily basis. Honestly, I GET that. I have often thought about how I do not know how the spouses and families of cops handle such a responsibility. Same thing with those who have family in the military- My anxiety could not take it. Seriously. Sometimes I get scared when Jesse merely leaves the apartment to walk to work... and when he started riding the dang Citibikes to get around, well I think my doctor LITERALLY had to up my anxiety medication to a higher dose. Like holy Crap. You are going to get on a freaking kid's toy (aka bike) and ride down the middle of the freaking NYC street (aka in a bike lane) and practically SIGNAL for someone to come and hit you???!!! (aka attempt to exist in the midst of NYC traffic). Have you SEEN New Yorkers drive? Are you mental? Just freaking walk. On the side walk, as CLOSE to the storefronts as possible, and AWAY from the dang murder-for-hire taxi drivers. So yeah, I get it. Anxiety. Fear. Compassion for those who are in these type of dangers jobs. I have it all.

But I also have the high expectation of what type of character it would require to have the responsibility for enforcing the law-and-order over which our current orange-man-in-chief likes to say he is presiding. So THIS behavior ⇓⇓, both caught on camera and then also discovered ONLY BY ACCIDENT, (aka the great sovereignty of God who is exposing evil right and left in 2020) is not acceptable. Be better people. 

(all quotes taken from article North Carolina Police Chief Fires Three Officers Over Racist Comments Caught On Tape at NPR.org).

"The police department in Wilmington, N.C. has fired three police officers after investigators say footage from one of their patrol cars showed them exchanging racist and sometimes threatening remarks....Those include one of the officers saying he was ready for a "civil war" against Black people.Investigators say video captured exchanges by the officers showed them making disparaging and racist remarks. Two of them — Moore and Piner — were said to be captured using the n-word multiple times. Investigators also said Gilmore referred to anti-racism protesters as "worshipping blacks," and Piner said he expects a "civil war" and was planning to buy an assault rifle.

Williams, [the city's new police chief], made the announcement just one day after he was sworn in as the city's police chief.

He said Wednesday was a "challenging day for me because as your new police chief — one of my first major tasks is to announce the termination of three veteran police officers for misconduct." ... A routine inspection uncovered the racist remarks

The investigation that resulted in the firing of the three officers began with a routine audit.

According to an internal investigation, a police sergeant conducting a monthly review of police footage uncovered the remarks on June 4. The nearly two-hour long video came from a camera in Piner's patrol vehicle that was "accidentally" activated. After listening to the video for a short time, the sergeant heard "extremely racist" comments from the officers.

As outlined by investigators, [one of the former officers is recorded saying] the only concern of the department is "kneeling down with the black folks" while Gilmore added that protesters are "worshiping blacks."

In a phone conversation about half an hour later between Piner and another officer, a discussion about an arrest from the previous day becomes a graphic conversation about preparing for violence against Black people, according to the investigation.

During the call, Moore used the words "n*****" and "negro" to talk about a woman he arrested. When discussing the arrest, Moore also said "she needed a bullet in her head right then" and complained about an officer who discouraged him from breaking the window of her car.

Moore also referred to a magistrate, who is Black, as a "negro magistrate."

Later on in the conversation, Piner said he's "ready" for a civil war. According to investigators, Piner said, using the n-word, that "we are just gonna go out and start slaughtering them."

"God I can't wait," Piner is reported to have said.

Piner also said, according to investigators, that he plans to buy an assault rifle and that society needed a civil war to "put 'em back about four or five generations."

Former officers did not deny making the remarks on the recording

According to the department, Piner, Gilmore and Moore confirmed it was their voices captured on video and they did not deny the remarks.

In interviews with investigators, all three of them said they were venting, citing what they called the current climate for police. They also denied being racist."  -NPR.org

The last thing I'll note is that one of the officers defended that his remarks were made while he was off duty and calling his fellow-office from his home...hence he should not be fired. To this statement, I respond, "even if true, it is not an excuse, and you should be fired." Being called into law enforcement is a high calling, and such called people should be held to a high standard. Would we want to hear our doctors making these types of statements about our race, sex, ethnicity, or social status before performing a life-or-death operation on us? Heck- no. We judge our doctors by their bedside manner! We would also not go to a church where a pastor spoke this way in regard to a certain group of people during his ''off'' hours. Being ''off'' does not give a person the freedom to be an ass and untrustworthy, not when that person is supposed to be someone we trust, respect, revere, and can go to in our most vulnerable moments. Period. End of sentence. The end. Be better. DEMAND better. Accept nothing less. 


Image taken from Star Tribune

Trump speaks to a half-empty arena in Tulsa.
Image taken from Slate.com
I realize this is not respectful, and that we are called to be respectful. And I stand by my words that we should pray for people more, especially people in leadership, but I can't help but think of the fact that we are also told to do unto others as we would have them do to us. It's based in Scripture, (Jesus- Mount of Olives). It's the Golden Rule. It's what we teach our children, and it's what our president has not done so many times in his speeches and at his rallies as he's mocked people with disabilities, women, reporters, his opponents, or really anyone who disagrees with him. Thus, when I read Pink's roasting of him and that countless teens around the world 'punked' him by buying tickets to his rallies that they never intended to use, I feel there is a little bit of justice happening... what say you? Doesn't it feel a little bit like the levels are balancing? 


Image may contain: text that says 'LET THIS SINK IN A law had to be passed in order for Black people to be able to wear their hair as it naturally grows out of their scalp. In 2019. just want everyone to stop and consider this for a moment.'
What if you were told you couldn't wear a pony tail at school, or have blond highl-lights, or that your hair had to be a certain length and texture? How long would you stand for that before you cried out oppression? Elitism? Socio-economic discrimination? Not long, I predict. Not long at all. The Crown Act- educate yourselves. This is not okay. 

Why is Dietrich Bonhoeffer relevant today? | Faith and Leadership
(Image taken from faithandleadership.com)

Have you ever wondered how the Holocaust actually happened….how men and women actually got to the point where they truly believed countless human beings were worthy or torture and execution simply because they were a different race or had different abilities? To sit and contemplate how a man like Adolph Hitler rose to power is a sobering exercise, especially in light of what we are experiencing in this dense and potent cultural moment of America’s story. Ruminate upon this truth: Whatever you are doing now is exactly what you would have done then… if you were alive in Nazi Germany… if you were a white Anglo man or woman in the early part of the 20th century….if you were alive in the Confederate South during the civil war, (which by the way WAS predominately fought over slavery, and which, the South LOST…never have I seen a more decorated memory of a tragic loss of life that was brought upon oneself because of ones own evils in my life than when I visit the Southern U.S. It’s repugnant). Whatever stance you are taking right now in regard to civil rights and your own life and how much you are listening to and letting the INJUSTICE OF OTHERS who are a different race that YOU impact your daily life is EXACTLY what you would have done if you had lived in another time in history OR ANOTHER NATION IN THE HISTORY OF THIS WORLD AS WE KNOW IT. If you are being silent, and saying the onus rests on the black people, and the problem is not THAT big of a deal because there are other problems like black-on-black crime and sexism and that YOU have problems too, then that is EXACTLY what you would have done if you had lived right before Hitler’s rise to power… You would have said it wasn’t that big of a deal that Jews were being persecuted, and that you had issues too, and that actually all women were persecuted and lacked rights, and you would be well on your way to be a Nazi… just like you ARE well on your way to being a Neo-Nazi right now. Yes, I just said that. Take all the time you need to be angry at me and think about what I said.

Yet the truth remains, you WOULD have been on the wrong side of history….and you currently ARE on the wrong side of it… Let that sink in… and then come back, and work with me, to make a difference. You aren’t evil. You are just doing something extremely wrong right now, and there is still time to change. That’s all.

Jessica Wilson, in her article for TGC,  Lessons from Bonhoeffer: Are You Standing Up to Injustice? Writes, If you ever wonder what you would’ve done had you seen Hitler rise to power, or African American children barred from white schools, Laura Fabrycky reminds us that we’re currently acting in the exact same way we would’ve then. For our time is no less plagued with controversy, injustice, tension, or despair than the times that preceded us.

As Dietrich Bonhoeffer....watched synagogues burn throughout Berlin, so have we watched rioters set fire to churches, cars, and stores. And what have we done? Whatever role we have played in our local community or on the national stage is exactly what we would’ve done at another time in history, and that realization should be a sobering call to action."

Quoting a book by Laura Fabrycky which in part analyzes American culture in the comparison to that of the culture that birthed what we now commonly deplore as Nazi, Germany, she continues,  During the Nazi era, Christians here and elsewhere failed their Jewish neighbors, and many others belonging to different groups. They were silent when they should have spoken up; they were complicit and, at times, even gleeful participants in persecution. They often used their beliefs to justify violence and genocide. . . . They did not see how their lives were connected to one another...How Are We Responding?The same words might be posed to white Christians who have witnessed crimes committed against black and brown brothers and sisters. Our lives are all connected. Are we seeing it? How are we responding to the time and place to which we’ve been called? 

While Fabrycky wrote this book worlds away from the tragic deaths of George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, Ahmaud Arbery, and others, her book speaks directly to this time and seems providential in its publication date.

In 1964 Martin Luther King Jr. preached in a church in East Berlin before the wall fell. Fabrycky visits the church in celebration of the American holiday and hears a recording of his sermon. “In a real sense,” King preached to a packed-out crowd of attentive Germans, “we are all one in Christ Jesus, for in Christ there is no east, no west, no north, or south.” King knew that just as there is “neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free,” so too is there no east, no west, no black or white, “for we are all one in Christ Jesus” (Gal. 3:28). ” –(Jessica Hooten Wilson, The Gospel Coalition)

Where are you at in history, my friends? What do your actions demonstrate that you actually believe? Reflect, for heaven’s sake reflect. We are moments from murdering an entire race and branding ourselves with the mark-of-the-beast which we have so vehemently proselytized the pagans to beware. Beware! That is what we must BE. But WHERE we are and WHAT we are IS so FAR from the mark of the faith we herald. We are blind. Lord Jesus, help us see.

Additional Reading: Eric Metaxas, Bonhoeffer: Pastor, Martyr, Prophet, Spy  


Kyle J. Howard (@KyleJamesHoward) | Twitter
Image taken from twitter.com@kylejameshoward
"You're just angry, Megin." That is what I hear, in my head, in my own voice, coming from the mouths of others who want to use the fact that I'm angry to silence me and to manipulate reality so that they do not have to listen to the Gospel behind my anger, the honest fact that fuels frustration and riles rage. So I agree with the myself, and others; we are right. I am angry, but anger does not have to be detrimental. Pure anger is not wrong. I will choose to focus and ask God to use this. I will temper myself instead of letting my temper template me. I will tailor my discussion toward truth that grows instead of dividing.

Have you heard of Kyle Howard? Probably not. Why would you know him? He seems an average guy, and his voice is undoubtedly lost in a sea of voices speaking out unheard, but he is more than that...and his truth is more than that. I thank Jenn for sharing his blog with me. I resonate with his truth in more ways than my readers would guess. This man was silenced and abused for highlighting injustice and asking believers to be better. Reading his story, I cannot help but reflect upon my own experiences in a well-intentioned church when I shared about depression and the ways in which I was struggling with loneliness and isolation while in ministry. I was silenced and held down for speaking about something that not everyone had the tools to handle. I was told I probably was not called to ministry if I suffered depression, and that the root of depression was undoubtedly sin that I needed to fix, and that if I was unhappy, I probably was meant for a job where my talents would be better used, like filing papers in an office. Verbatim, that is what I was told. For years, I kept these accounts to myself because I did not want potentially to slander my well-meaning accusers, but the truth is that I was asked to keep myself in check and not express certain needs, to take down certain blog posts that spoke about depression and my needs, while at the same time continuing to perform my duties that benefited my congregation. Let me be clear, this was not the response I received from everyone toward whom I reached out; hence, I was able to remain in ministry, receive help, and thrive. Thank God, I received support for more than enough people, and my church board even offered me a stipend to receive counseling. Thank God for faithful servants who were willing to go against others in authority and do what they believed was write. I will forever be grateful. Nonetheless, there were a few who made me feel like crap and refused to acknowledge that depression was reality, a part of life, and not something about which I should be ashamed. I've have forgiven these people, even the ones were never persuaded differently, because God God has forgiven me, and I am not better than those who sinned against me. My sin is just different. The truth remains, however, there were people who told me my depression made me less than yet still wanted to work with me because the work I produced benefited them. This was and to this day remains wrong. And like this man, for years, church was a nightmare for me. Entering the doors depressed my soul further.

I would encourage you to read this Kyle's testimony about what happened to him when he spoke out against social injustice, and consider this...that well meaning churches have a habit of silencing people when they are not equipped to grapple with truth. Churches that say they want to follow Jesus actually oppress the Gospel because they lack the courage and skills to enter into their grief and shortcomings, to repent and ask questions. They silence the disenfranchised, the very voices that Jesus Christ magnified. Until we can be humble to ask ourselves if we have done this, are doing this, we will continue to be the oppressors of the black men, of the depressed, of the poor, of the marginalized. Until we are courageous enough to confront our own weakness, we will never be the lighthouses for Christ we want to be.

I recommend you read everything Kyle writes, be it extensive. He is thorough and educational. He speaks truth and is kind, but he does not hold back. However, if you cannot find the time, I have included a few excerpts here that get his point across. Listen to him, however, on the veracity of his word. As a fellow sojourner, I merely hold up his words to shine light on them. Thank God for his courage to share....

"The elders kept telling me that people found me unapproachable but they would never tell me who “these people” were which would give me an opportunity to repent. It was bizarre because I was a lay leader who served the Lord’s Supper regularly to all several hundred members and was baptizing new believers before the congregation. Why would they let me continue doing these things, and leading a community group of about 20 people, if I was unapproachable or had a serious issue of pride? .... If these accusations were true I shouldn’t be in leadership and so I tried several times to step away from leadership, but was told repeatedly that I needed to continue in ministry because of the fruitfulness of my work. In other words, they held these issues against me, but my actual ministry and character was so blameless that they insisted that I’d continue in ministry. This double-mindedness was exhausting and profoundly confusing.I would cry throughout the entire evening as I taught and discipled my community group. I would weep throughout my sermon every Wednesday as I preached at the local homeless shelter. Despite all of this, I felt I had to protect my elders and so when I was asked why I was crying I wouldn’t answer and this left those under my care also deeply confused. I endured spiritual abuse and racial trauma in your evangelical world for years, and ultimately my family became so consumed with darkness and depression because of it that in our worst moments, we contemplated abandoning Christianity altogether and in even darker moments, we considered suicide. My wife & I are both still recovering from Church-related PTS. We were used for our gifts and put before the church as representatives of “diversity”. Behind the scenes, for years, church was a nightmare. It was not a place we looked forward to going to, Sunday mornings were foreboding. Prior to moving, we learned that virtually every church in Louisville along with the seminary as a whole, was aware of IBC’s abusive behavior. He is such a “gifted” and influential preacher that they all chose not to confront him about the trauma his church had left in its wake. Once we left, I received numerous messages from former members who were deeply traumatized due to their time there as well and I am currently counseling former members who left due to spiritual abuse as we speak. We moved back to Atlanta where we had to start our entire lives over again. No friends, no church, just trauma. So much more could be said, but this summary is my offering for the moment. In order to understand what I have to say moving forward, you must understand what I have experienced. I do not come to you as a man anxious to condemn, I come to you as a brother who wants you to know what has and is happening in your churches.I so desperately want ethnic conciliation/reconciliation in this world, and especially in the church. Still, we can’t get there if we don’t discuss how truly deep and raw the betrayal is in all this all. Years, decades, and even for centuries, the racial violence black people have endured by those with power have been met with apathy. For many of you, your silence has betrayed family members, friends, church members, and your entire community. Please, hear me out. 

In order for the people of Israel to be healed from the judgment of their unfaithfulness, Moses held up a bronze serpent & they had to look upon the very instrument of their judgment to be healed (Numbers 21:9). In John 3, we are told that Jesus had to be lifted up on the cross like the serpent in Numbers. In Numbers, God’s covenant people had to look up to a serpent to be healed, and in John, all of humanity has to look up to a crucified man because it is humanity that is under the curse. Likewise, for true healing, white people have to look up and truly come to terms with what they’ve done. Healing cannot come without repentance, and White Evangelicals must come to true repentance if they are going to be healed. Also, true conciliation and healing will not happen without comprehensive repentance the includes owning the depths of sin along intentional action turning away from sinful patterns confessed.Faithfulness is not a switch that can just be turned on; it has to be accompanied by the hard and sometimes agonizing process of repentance. Beloved evangelicals, there are layers of hurt & woundedness that’ll take time to heal between the black & white community. Still, the church must lead the way & there is genuine repentance necessary for this to be accomplished. This repentance needed is likely both on a personal & community level.There is good news! There is awesome news! There is forgiveness & grace for you all! No white person who turns to God in repentance for their apathy, despite its depth, will be cast away. God loves black people, he is grieved at the betrayal they’ve endured, but he is merciful! Repentance may require you to speak to black people you have a relationship with and ask them for forgiveness for your apathy. It may require personal, corporate, or collective repentance. It will be hard and may even be embarrassing, but I promise you that most people will receive you and forgiveness. There is restoration on the other side of genuine repentance. Also, You must leave room for the possibility that you may have wounded/traumatized individuals to such a degree that for their own well being, they may not respond to your outreach. Press on in repentance; there’s healing there. There is reconciliation and restoration beyond the hard work of coming to terms with the gravity of your sin." -Kyle Howard


So many well-meaning friends and family tell me they are color-blind, that they see no color, no race, because we are all God's children. Yes, we are ALL God's children, and we all REFLECT God's image. That is the very reason why we NEED to see color and honor color, why we NEED to see each other's experiences and have dialogue. It is not so that we can be threatened by each other or as an attempt to make everyone think the same... it is so that we can exist TOGETHER, for God's glory and God's good... in God's image. We have to see color. God created color. God is not color-blind. As well, we have to listen and believe that changes within our system will only come through hearing each other's cries and supporting each other's pains and abuses. So support black lives. I guarantee you black men and women will support you in return.
(Image from @CarloshappyNPO)



My posted picture on Facebook this morning certainly ruffled some feathers, clickbait as my friend called it. That's fine- we should have a dialogue about these things. My sister-in-law shared this video with me, and I feel like it gets the point across well that I was hoping to make...
                                           Image may contain: 2 people, people sitting

Notes from Trevor Noah Video on instagram...

•Amy cooper knew to say I’m going to call the police and say an African-American man is bothering me. She knew what that would do- the fear it would incite. She knew how to wield that weapon.

•That was a hell of a punishment- taking a white lady’s dog. Job was one thing… but her dog. She was the first domino- with the backdrop of corona

•Remember Ahmaud- and then we watched someone being murdered and the murderer, the cop, is calm while doing it. It’s like he could do it, so he did it. Black man on the ground in handcuffs and you could take his life, so you did- almost knowing that there would be no ramifications. And everyone on the internet must watch this and see it- it floods our timelines as people.

•Ray of sunshine, how many people instantly condemning what they saw. – even fox news.

•What people take for granted is that for so many people it feels like nothing. How many of us can take the life of a human and have firing be the worst that happens to us? It just feels like there is no moment of justice. We don’t know what will happen but we can look at the past and so we feel like there is no justice…

•This is not how society should be run, this is not how society is built… but what is society? Society is a contract- a contract we sign as human beings amongst each other. And we agree with common rules and practices, and the contract is only as strong as the people abiding by it, but if you think of being a black person in America …. What vested interest do they have in maintaining the contract? The others are maintaining it for them. There are so many people who are destitute – all the have-nots… they are exhausted by playing by the rules- playing by the rules and they are getting killed. They are exhausted.

•What good does this do? What good doesn’t it do? Ask yourself this question. You were upholding society’s contract but law and ppl of power aren’t upholding their end of it… we need people at the top to be the MOST ACCOUNTABLE because they are setting the tone and tenor of everything in society… and right now our president isn’t setting the tone!

•Law enforcement is setting the example that they don’t adhere to the laws so why should others adhere to the laws? The people in leadership aren’t… our president surely isn’t setting some great example… (Megin could go off on a tangent about this…)

•CORE Principles we have to agree on:     oAgree on what the principles are     oThat the people who enforce will enforce them fairly     oThat everyone is going to be treated fairly according to those principles

•Black Americans have seen their principles completely de-legitimized

•The unease you felt seeing target looted- try to imagine how it feels for black Americans to watch themselves being looted EVERYDAY


A Morning Invocation: Pandemonium, and rightly so, is where our country is at right now... and we are in need of leadership. A Leader, right now, is Someone who stands up and says Something to invoke Peace, to call for Justice, to CREATE justice, not someone who says, "I don't care," or worse, incites more violence, a clash between those of differing opinions, and smirks while denying his obvious implications. We need leaders. We need pastors. We need a president.... where you? Where are wise and good shepherds who will leave the multitude of well to seek out the single one who is sick?! The wise and good shepherds who will look past their own wants for the sake of the sick and the sore and the whole? Where are you? You are not leading our country right now. You are not inside our White House. You are not inside our churches. We need you. Lord Jesus, help us. Raise up wise shepherds and leaders, those who are people after Your own heart, people who care for the HUMAN RACE and not just their own race. Lord Jesus, help us all. Come, Lord Jesus, come...before we kill ourselves.


Let Rapper Killer Mike take you to church if you have nowhere else to go on Sunday. I have been struggling to figure out how to walk the line of not condoning violence yet completely understanding the riots and actions of protesters around the country right now burning businesses down to the ground. I get it. I don't LIKE it, but I get it. My mother sent me another video the other day that was given her by her African-American colleague. Some of you may have seen that I posted it on my Facebook soliciting response from my friends of color in regard to their take on its message. Samantha had wisdom and graciously took the time to share with me why she understood this woman's message but was angered by the tone in which she delivered it. Since then, I have perused her page, and while I appreciate her ministry and message, I identify what Samantha pointed out. This woman, BMack, appears to be a woman of privilege as well. She is black, but she is a woman of privilege. And what I am learning is that we have to realize our own implicit bias and privileges regardless our race. The spectrum of privilege is broad and runs through racial divides. We cannot instruct people on how they should behave and respond without considering their privileges and opportunities because, as Samantha so perfectly stated it, one cannot pull himself up by his bootstraps if others are continually cutting his bootstraps.

My mother is a wonderful mother. You have read me praise her countless times. When I was a child, she was patient, lenient, and one of the least strict mother's I knew. My friends commented constantly about how awesome she was. She would play with us, hang out with us, but not in the uncool-mom-trying-to-be-cool way. She knew she was a mom, but she was just real and treated us like equals in a way, like young people whose opinions mattered and not young people who only needed to listen to their mother and obey her without being heard or understood. This was a gift. I probably did not treasure it as much as I should have when I was young. But when my mother needed us to listen and obey her and we didn't want to, the relationship we had with her often worked to her disadvantage. We didn't respect her enough as an authority figure to listen well. Thus, we'd disobey. And this is when the Tupac-Food-in-the-Hotel-Sydrome, as I am now naming it, would occur.

Mama, being patient, would typically request numerous times for our compliance, for us to listen, obey, respect her, and we would just keep pushing her boundaries until finally, she'd lose it. And she'd yell. And when she lost her temper.... oh man, that was some scary stuff dude. As a result, however, we'd shape up, realizing she was serious, and fearing for our lives. And Mama, being the kind-hearted and loving woman she was, would then, as she was yelling, usually start crying and saying "I don't want to yell! Why don't you listen to me when I ask the first time!? I don't want to yell at you. I hate this! But I can't take it anymore."

As we got older, we'd have the audacity to yell back at her and tell her ''Don't yell at me! Why do you always yell? You're so mean!" and she'd respond, "I have to yell or else you don't listen to me!" And the truth is, Mama was right. (Did you hear that Mom? You were right). We didn't listen to her. We didn't listen until she yelled. And she didn't want to yell, but we literally wouldn't listen. What was she to do? She didn't know. We didn't know. Nothing was going to be fixed until we all stopped and got to the root of the problem, that we didn't respect our mother enough and were not listening to her and her needs and doing what needed to be done. We were not being the children we were supposed to be. She yelled because she literally had to in order to get her unruly children to listen. It wasn't good. One could even argue it wasn't right, but what else was she to do at that point... ? Until she got our attention, we weren't ever going to stop and recognize there was a problem...

Now this isn't a perfect analogy I suppose. And I could continue, following it to analyze how we eventually grew to respect our mother, but I will pause here to make this point for those willing to listen. As Killer Mike states in the video linked above: On the one hand, it's not productive to burn down our own house, but he gets it. They are burning crap down because people aren't listening, not enough at least, and it keeps happening, black men keep getting murdered. Racism hasn't gotten better. Finally, it's just being recorded- THANK God for that because even as it's recorded, apparently that is not enough for some people. It continues to happen. It's not few and far between. It's over and over and over. And if it doesn't stop, we are going to kill all the black men- all the black sons, and in turn, all of our houses are going to be burnt down as they should be to get us to wake the crap up and stop killing people. Literally. We have to stop... we are children running wild with no respect for these human lives. Mama has to yell to get our attention.

If you have a minute, sign this petition. It takes literally a few seconds, but the impact could save lives. Eric Garner is another black man who was murdered at the hands of law enforcement. He killer remains free.

This is the George Floyd that we should care about less than we should care about unborn babies. (Please read that with the sarcasm with which is has to be laden). He was your Christian brother. He was just black. Still think we should wait for more facts before we condemn his murder? (Yes, the collective WE). Still? If so, I can only shake my head as I walk away from you, whoever you are, whatever your profess. There is no grey area. None whatsoever... with him, or any black man murdered....with anyone murdered. But right now, the epidemic, is with black men. Pay attention. Jesus does.
"The church expanded its involvement in the area, holding Bible studies and helping out with groceries and rides to doctor’s appointments. Floyd didn’t just provide access and protection; he lent a helping hand as the church put on services, three-on-three basketball tournaments, barbecues, and community baptisms.

“He helped push the baptism tub over, understanding that people were going to make a decision of faith and get baptized right there in the middle of the projects. He thought that was amazing,” said Ronnie Lillard, who performs under the name Reconcile. “The things that he would say to young men always referenced that God trumps street culture. I think he wanted to see young men put guns down and have Jesus instead of the streets.” -Christianity Today George Floyd Left a Gospel Legacy in Houston

"The fact that you have to build a narrative for a man to be loved and given justice is repulsive to me. Even if he was a capital criminal he deserved to be treated as someone created in his image. I’m done coddling Christians that can only love ppl they deem to be lovable."-

"
Pastor Ngwolo is still trying to process the news, but one theme he keeps coming back to is the shedding of innocent blood. After Cain’s superiority and animosity drove him to kill Abel, Scripture tells us, “The Lord said, ‘What have you done? Listen! Your brother’s blood cries out to me from the ground’” (Gen. 4:10). 
“If you fast-forward 2,000 years, there’s another innocent sufferer whose blood spoke of better things than Abel’s. … Jesus’ blood says he can redeem us through these dark and perilous times,” Ngwolo said. “I have hope because just like Abel is a Christ figure, I see my brother [Floyd] as a Christ figure as well, pointing us to a greater reality. God does hear us. He hears his cry even from the ground now. Vengeance will either happen on the cross or will happen on Judgment Day.”"--Christianity Today George Floyd Left a Gospel Legacy in Houston
(Image: Source: Nijalon Dunn / Courtesy of Resurrection Houston 
via Christianitytoday.com)



Living while Black is different than living while white. It just is. And it's not because the white men don't whine enough about being white. I'm sorry. That's an excuse.

Why do I take up this cause? Why do I fight this battle? Why do I 'touch this hot stove' as my friend so well coined it to me in conversation earlier. Well, why not? SOMEONE has to. And I can. Others cannot, but I can... BARELY I can, but I can, nonetheless.
      Black women can't. They get called angry.
      Black men can't. They get killed.
(Championsofdiversity.com)
I can enter this battle as a white woman and have my life spared, but my soul will be wounded. I'll be gaslighted. Some will attempt to silence me and misuse Scripture while doing so and then deny they are silencing me and never admit they are doing anything wrong even in the midst of me apologizing for being imperfect and having wounded them. They will deny they are wounded, deny their own vulnerabilities and pain, and label speaking against injustice as whining and weakness. And they will want to do all of this in private lest their actions and arguments continue to be seen and require they contend with those qualified and able to render a verdict of what is fair and what is unjust. I will be told I need not apologize, and it will be insinuated that perhaps I am just emotionally fragile. If you are looking for an example of emotional abuse, my friends, what I have described is just that.

But that is okay. I have learned how to live in the midst of emotional abuse, and I have learned how to thrive through it and let God use it. I have learned how to fly even when people seek to clip my wings and keep me down. So I will take up this torch in the place of those who cannot. Because I can....to some degree I can, and that is a privilege....a privilege I have as a white woman.

And I will hope to educate others lest they be like this white woman who did not realize she was racist. She paid a high price for ignorance. My heart almost hurts for her and the price she has paid, but I am reminded that the price others pay for her ignorance is much higher. She lost her dog and her job. Black men lose their lives.

My friend from high school shared a story on her personal Facebook page earlier today. I share it with her permission. She is married to an African-American man:

"[My husband] will probably tell me to take this post down but while he’s out fishing, I’m sharing this anyway!
Few weeks ago, we went out walking around the neighborhood. Our foster kid was on a tricycle several yards ahead of us. Our kid stopped at an intersection as instructed (during our safety-rules-while-walking talk) and we saw a 👩🏼lady on her phone with a 🐕lab coming from the intersection. This child, at this point, is now in LOVE with dogs but with COVID and trying to practice social distancing, [my husband] yelled to let the child know to stay away from the dog. The child didn’t move but the lady on her phone hurriedly walked past us and telling the other person on the phone “...They’re yelling at me! ...They’re telling me to stay away from the dog! ...” I yelled “We’re trying to practice safety and social distancing!” But she picked up her pace and stayed on the phone saying “They’re still yelling at me! ....I don’t know! “ 🙄
What did she think WE were gonna do?? Why would we yell at HER to stay away from HER dog??? 🤦🏻‍♀️
I’m glad we were almost home then or who knows what would’ve happened TO US. 🤰🏻👨🏽‍🦲👧🏽
Anyway, I’m not looking for sympathy. Just wanted to let some of you know that this does not only happen in NYC, GA or Minneapolis. It has happened to people you know and will probably continue if you don’t speak up. I appreciate those who have spoken up for others. Thank you.
Next question: Are you willing to speak up?"

Might I add, just my commentary, that my dear friend is all of but like maaaaaaaaaaaybe 5 feet tall. I think she might be 4 foot 11 inches. Her husband is above average height, but I can't imagine together they looked SO menacing out and about with their child on a tricycle EXCEPT that they are people of COLOR. My friend is also currently pregnant. I'm sorry but what is less threatening than a ridiculously small pregnant woman? Perhaps a ridiculously small WHITE pregnant woman? Or perhaps, I don't know, a ridiculously small pregnant woman with a child on a tricycle....UNLESS, that is, unless there is a black man with them, THEN....they are intimidating, frightening, hold-your-phone-for-dear-life-and-run-away-quickly type terrifying. (In case you don't understand sarcasm....⇚THAT STATEMENT is me being sarcastic....)

I write this because I can, because as I was reminded early, many white men died for my freedom. A quick look through the history books will also show you that many black men and Latino men and African-American men died for my freedom as well, sometimes in greater quantities. Facts, my friends, facts.  What's more, my freedom living in this country came at the cost of the disenfranchisement of the colored men and women who lived on this land before my European ancestors came over on their ships. So I write this from my comfortable bedroom, that was literally purchased for me a long time ago, by the blood of an Israelite Savior who spoke Aramaic and looked more like an Arab than the white pastors I know, and by the blood of people of all colors as they fought for freedom for themselves and us, freedom that came at the cost of enslaving others. I write this laden with white-privilege, complete with my stimulus check in the bank that I received even though my husband has a full-time job he has not lost. We have the comfort of a roof over our heads and food. We are not on the front lines; we are privileged, blessed, while others, countless men, (albeit mainly women), and people of color fight, for our security from a deadly disease so that we can drink our coffee and debate privilege in peace from the comfort of our own homes, secure behind our computer screens, having to sacrifice and own nothing. 


(Reddit.com)

Throwing Down the Gauntlet: Last night I went to bed angry
. 

I hadn't had time to myself in days, it seemed, as I cared for kids. I delight to care for my children, but I was itching to read and to write and to express myself in ways other than changing diapers, reciting the alphabet, and having tiny hands pull at different parts of my body all hours of the day and night. I love those hands, but sometimes I need to distance myself from them in order to gain the strength to love them well.

(Dailymail.com)
I checked the news, hoping for a moment to peruse some titles and determine if anything caught my eye about which I could write, but I was quickly overcome, anger piling up upon anger... Titles like 

  and
‘I Can’t Breathe’: 4 Minneapolis Officers Fired After Black Man Dies in Custody ...
Didn't we just have this happen? Wasn't that just yesterday? Am I to assume that we've learned nothing? Apparently so!

So I watch the Diane Sawyer special, try to take notes, find that I'm mind-numbed once again by our nation's and leaders' lack of response to what was happening in our midst, sickened by our ability to believe we are untouchable even as people die before our eyes, hands up, grasping at us, much how my children grasp for me, but no one reaches back to these hands. These hands do not find their mother's breast or leg or arm.  My children reach out to me, and find me. Who are these people finding? These eyes meet a lowered gaze, or worse, those raised high in smug arrogance. Because as my uncle so poignantly tried to point out on my Facebook status last night, "We have not killed anybody," insinuating that collective society did not kill a black man, that only a police officer did, and that he'll condemn it IF the cop is found guilty. No, I respond. NO! Collective society SHOULD respond to what this police officer did, and right now! Our morals and our Christianity teaches us that if we see a bully in a schoolyard bully a child, we stand up for the child, so why not stand up for the black man bullied by the man in a uniform? And don't fight me on semantics and technicalities. I don't care what the black man did beforehand. When he was subdued on the ground, OBVIOUSLY contained, and saying "I can't breathe," the BULLY should have taken his KNEE off the man's neck.... END OF STORY. No, I'm sorry, not end of story. The story isn't over until we also point out that perhaps the bully in blue did not NEED to put his knee on the neck of the black man in the first place, and we don't need a judicial system to make that verdict for us. Our common grace, and general revelation, written on our hearts should make that verdict for us. Our Christianity and privilege does not come with a moral indemnity clause. The story should not end until we find out if the bully in blue had a reason for detaining this black man... because if it were a white man or a white woman detained, we sure as hell would ask those questions. If it were your daughter contained, you would ask those questions, but perhaps not if it were a same-sex attracted professing male, am I right? For one of those would be a worse sinner, than yourself, a straight male, who professes Christ. Or have I hit too close to home now? Perhaps you will censure my blog while also spouting that we should have free press in America and not be forced to wear masks if we don't want to wear them. I will not be silenced for the sake of Christ, come what may, and I will stand up for those whom actions tout we should be ashamed.

I can't stand for hypocrisy, so I will stand up against it. Jesus died for it, but I am not called to die for it. Ostracize me. Let it divide us. Division is what we need when evil is erected. I need to be divided from evil... every believer should be willing to be set apart from it and stand up against it, to raise a collective voice against it in society if we want to continue to BE anything worthy of being called a society in the first place. 

(Heavy.com)
Come what may. Throw me out of your church if you want. I don't know that I can call your church a church if it can't accept the words I am writing, but we have to fight for justice...collective society HAS to fight or it is no longer society. Don't tell me Jesus would do anything less than fight, and fight unto death is what He did...fight through His death. 

You may, however, tell me Jesus would have done it better. That, I will believe. I am not sinless. I am guilty. There is blood on my hands, and I screw up everyday. I hurt people. I make mistakes. I abuse through my words and actions. But I also repent, and I humble myself, and God teaches me, and I learn, and I grow, and I change...by God's grace. And I will work with anyone else who is willing to repent and grow and be changed by God's grace. Will you change with me? I will listen to any man who can lower his head with me and say "woe is me, for I have sinned, and my society has sinned," but I will listen to no man who turns his eyes to someone who places his knee upon the neck of another. I will listen to no man who says thank you God that you have not made me like one of those other men, a sinner, (Luke 18:11). I will listen to no one whose words ring hard of the rules we should follow and are devoid of the love He has been for us... for whatever you have done for the least of these brothers...that you have done to Him. And who is the least of these brothers? Who is our neighbor? Which man was a neighbor to the other? I guarantee you this, the man who was a neighbor did not have his knee upon anyone's neck, suffocating the life out of him... and the man who was his neighbor did not walk past and do nothing... spouting his faith. And these things, these things are not my verdict... they are the verdict of Christ, the guy you say you follow. So follow Him.

Lord Have Mercy: Inside one of New York’s Deadliest Zip Codes: Yesterday my friend MoyBoy indicated where I was getting a little snarky on here. I see his point. I wax a little feisty the more aggravated I become. I gotta work on that. Here is the snarky lead-in sentence I wanted to craft for this post: More “fake news.” These guys are such great actors. But for the sake of being civil, I won’t lead with that. Instead, I’ll mask it in an explanation of how I’m attempting to be mature and kind, level-headed, self-aware.  

A few quotes….

“Before we didn’t really have time to think about it. You just get it done…..now you get time to sit back and look at what you’ve been doin’ and processin’ your feelings. That could be one of my family members. That could be me.” -Gary. Works in the morgue. St John’s Medical Center.
“I think there’s a feeling like can we take a breath, can we back up? Take that moment but still keep your hand on the gas…..”- Gary
“My son’s grandfather’s best friend man, geez…..Yeah that’s him- God bless him.” -Gary while loading bodies onto a truck.
“We got this thing. We man up, and get it done….we don’t go to somebody and say we’re hurting, and if we’re going to recover from this thing correctly, we’re going to have to do that.” -Gary

“I’m the director of the emergency department. I’m the first line of defense. Nobody has trained for what we saw the past couple of months….People need to understand the gravity….I was never in a battle or any other armed type of deal but that’s what it felt like we were triaging patients right away…” -Dr. Lee

“I held the phone and they got to say goodbye to their loved one….You hate to say it but ya’ know we’re not gold. Are you going to revive the 85-year-old or the 42-year-old?  ….. I knew as I was wrapping that tooth, you’re not going home.” -ER Registered Nurse Midgley

“There’s time to think. There’s time to work…I hope I’m wrong, but I still think the second waves coming…I hope I’m wrong.” -Dr. Lee, his father died shortly after the recording of the documentary.

“You ever hear the saying, “men cry in the dark?” I’ve cried one time since this happened and I’ve carried, gotta be 150 people outta here. Big small, men, women, people I know, grew up with them, grew up with their children….I would do everything in my being to make sure this doesn’t happen again.”-Gary
(NYDailyNews.com)


He Fit the Description: My friend Amy shared this on Facebook today. She lives near where this happened. This man's account speaks for itself- I have nothing to add...  I want to say more. I want to go on and on, but we should just listen to him- his testimony. Believe him. He doesn't need a white girl to retell it and put he spin on it hoping people might listen to her. His word is enough. It should have been enough.
(Image taken from stevelocke.com)



(Picture of Drew taken by his wife, Mandy Thompson)
Drew and Mandy Thompson are dear and wise friends from Gordon-Conwell as well as fellow Georgians. They were part of an inter-faith ceremony demanding justice for Ahmaud. I have nothing more to say. The men and women speaker here say it well enough, and honestly, circumstances speak for themselves…the absolute least we can do is accentuate the voice.

In the 15th chapter of the book of Revelation, there are a group of departed saints….the veil is lifted and they can see things clearly….and they begin to praise God….and do you know what they praise God for? His justice. They begin to praise God for his justice. Our God is a God of justice. He is loving. He is kind. He is righteous, and we have to praise Him for those things, but we [also] have to remind ourselves that God is a God of justice. God is just- He gives perfect recompense. [and] He CALLS US. He summons us to ASK Him for justice. The only thing [the widow in Luke 18 has] is a REFUSAL to stop asking...A refusal to go away, and Jesus says that’s how you fight for justice, that’s how you do justice, and we are COMMANDED to do justice because that is what HE DOES…. So in whatever area you provide leadership to….it’s incumbent upon you to do justice- to make sure that that area reflects the righteousness of God and that true justice is spoken and that partiality is not shown….He invites us to pray for justice and He calls us to DO justice. And one of the reasons John wrote chapter 15 is so that we would not have to DIE before we discover and delight in and depend on and declare God’s justice.” -words taken from Drew Thompson, with my textual emphasis added to reflect his intonation :) 

Is it a Free Country? I Don't Know.- ⇠⇠That is a link the the full article in the Guardian. Here is one from NBC news.


⇣⇣Below is my Vlog Commentary and a⇣⇣
link to the Youtube video of the incident

...13 minutes- give him at least that...

...thoughts from a priviliged white girl...


Die to the Gym:

LISTEN TO THE VLOG of DIE TO THE GYM- Sorry the video wouldn't just upload here... but click the link ⇑⇑ and it should take you to the video- my first vlog. Be nice...I am in uncharted territory here...

(Facebook (screengrab) via Dailyvoice.com) 
We can’t legislate morality. But can we? Should we? We do, kinda. We try. Where is the line between one’s Christian faith and holding the government to that expectation or allowing the government to choose differently and supporting such choices? Meaning, for example, believing that marriage should ultimately be between a man and a woman, but also supporting that the government allow gay marriage. Where are the lines? They are all gray and blurry to me, fading in and out. I suppose that is ethics. I remember taking a Christian Ethics course in undergrad. I didn’t really understand what the course title meant back then. I don’t think I understood just what the word ‘ethic’ meant. At the very least, I did not understand the blood, sweat, and tears that went into establishing an ethic and living it out.

These people in New Jersey, chanting USA and heading into the gym… I don’t know how to respond to this, but I’m pregnant with the need to respond to it because I believe we need to come together and find a common ground, and if people don’t pursue the conversation to figure that out, then we will go nowhere except to our separate corners, raising our separate flags, and throwing stones at each other.

Our rights- that’s what these people are wanting to protect, right? They don’t believe the government should be telling anyone what businesses are essential and can be open right now as opposed to non-essential and should be closed. Perhaps this brings up fear of communist Russia or something. I remember seeing some movie when I was a kid about life in Russia and people not being able to walk down the street freely without meeting certain rules or regulations. I can’t recall the movie title, and obviously it was a fictional piece, but the point of it was about the slippery slope of the loss of freedom and what happens when we lose freedom. I wish I knew the name of the movie. What I recall is a scene: a woman in a red dress, walking down the street with her son; they were afraid.
So I suppose this type of fear is what fuels people into wanting to make sure their rights are preserved here in America, but honestly, I really don’t believe there is some giant conspiracy by the government going on and wanting to take away our rights. That is not what this is about right now. What this is about is trying to do the best we can to slow the spread of a virus that is overwhelming our healthcare system and taking the lives of many at an ominous rate.

Just yesterday I saw many people posting about how the numbers for COVID deaths are inflated because people who are dying were in their last years or months or days already, but then contracted covid and were just written down as covid deaths. So people were saying that it’s unfair to say the virus killed those with pre-existing conditions. I guess I see their point, but the flip side is do we really want a virus out there uncontained that means if a person has any other disease he or she will probably not live because he or she will contract this virus and hence have his or her death come upon his/herself more quickly? You see my point? So I get that these people were already dying, say from heart disease or something, but do we really want just to leave a virus out there that will speed up the death rate of people who have heart disease or other conditions? I think we would want to contain this virus if we can. This isn’t a huge conspiracy to trample people’s rights and take away the mom and pop shops and brainwash our children or keep them out of school forever. It’s not like amazon, Bill Gates, and Walmart got together in a room with Google and Zoom and Satan to plan the release of COVID from the Wuhan Lab. That is ridiculous, but that’s what many people are acting like when they can’t just calm down and TRUST the freaking government to try to get us through this thing. YES, the government will make mistakes. So help the government. Serve. Suggest. But don’t just recklessly fight against it, right?

I mean, I don’t see why going to the gym is SO essential right now to people’s lives. Can we not pause on going to the gym? Are we THAT much addicted to ourselves that we can’t make some sort of sacrifice for the greater mankind? Isn’t that what being a Christian is about? Isn’t that what being a HUMAN is about? It’s contradictory because Christians are all anti-Darwin, but in this selfish behavior these alleged Christians are championing a survival of the fittest. So at least get your argument and practice straight, people.

I can’t help but think that the lack of a theology of suffering is what drives so many toward this type of behavior, of having to put oneself first and make sure one’s life is not inconvenienced for the sake of the whole. There is a complete lack of understanding in the so-called Christian church of what it means to suffer and to suffer well. There is a complete lack of understanding that suffering is at the core of Jesus’ life and at the core of life on earth. This world is broken, and we will suffer together in it. That is what Scripture teaches….because this world, ultimately, is not our home and not that for which we were made. Yes, there can be glory in this world to an extent, but the glory is not found in idealizing oneself or one’s point of view at the SAKE of others. The glory is found in pursuing unity and peace and love and compassion, in pursuing the things Jesus pursued like justice- throwing away the cultural lines that divided and saying people were equals regardless of race, country, ethnicity, gender, or social-class. Glory wasn’t in having a thriving business that supported one’s family. Glory was in having something that supported the COMMUNITY. We have privatized our Christianity to the point where we have left the Gospel out. Where is the Good News? I don’t see good news of living water for all….what I see is people saying they have water for themselves, hogging the body and the blood, plundering the communion table. This is not how the Lord intends his supper to be consumed… His body was broken, after all, for the sins of the WORLD, for the PANTA TA ETHNE- all people groups.

Rich white guys in New Jersey, with your American flags, please go home. One nation, under God, is not found in gathering together to work out in the midst of a pandemic that countless people are sacrificing to bring to an end. People are literally giving their lives so that you can go to the gym in the future. They aren’t conspiring to take your freaking gyms away. So calm the crap down. (I want to use other language). Take one for the team instead. Rethink what it means to be American. Rethink what it means to be Christian. Rethink what it means to be moral. Perhaps we have to keep some blurred lines with those identities… perhaps they should not all converge… but even so, what is being displayed is as far from moral, as far from Christian, as far from American as I can imagine. We are more than our businesses. We are people that should work together, rely on each other to make it through. We were never meant to live apart from community, apart from communion. We were meant to live vulnerably with one another and for one another. And Jesus Christ has defeated the enemy and unleashed the power in the world for us to do just that… already the Kingdom of God is here if we will just have eyes to see. Look around. It is found in helping our brothers and sisters, in serving, in sacrificing for the greater good, in putting others before ourselves, in living for a cause greater than our own desires, in dying to ourselves so that we might live unto Him… Indeed He wants to bless us so that we will be a blessing, just like with Abraham… but that means we have to quit trying to garner the blessings for ourselves…. We have first to surrender to the Blesser… Die to self. Die to America. Die to the gym. 

We Aren't Safe in our homes? Or Are We? 
Something's Gotta Give, and WHERE are the Christians??
(The Mercury News)

I suppose I just can't take the incongruence. People think they believe something, but do they really believe it? Yesterday I saw people in the proverbial echo chamber of Facebook up-in-arms over the  HR 6666 The TRES Act and what it could potentially mean for our civil liberties. Conspiracy theorists and well-meaning friends spiraled, claiming we walked blindly down a slippery slope that would end with us being forced out of our homes for coughing and sent to leper camps, basically. (Honestly, I'm only being slightly dramatic at the response I saw from some people). "The government is overstepping," they cry. Okay, I can allow people to have that opinion, IF they will also protest against THIS, IF they will call for justice and investigation HERE! Because if anything, THIS certainly seems a little like a slippery slope to marshal law and not being able to find safety in our own homes. Obviously I cannot claim to know all the facts in this case. Hopefully a thorough investigation will reveal the truth, but I want to know, did the police identify themselves? Was there a legitimate reason to storm this residence in the way in which it was entered? They were looking for one person, who was apprehended elsewhere, and this woman lost her life in the crossfire... once again, a BLACK life THAT MATTERS. Incongruous passions. That is what I see among my friends, my family, my fellow Christians, myself.

I keep coming back to that adjective up there ↑↑, incongruous. And it's not because I don't have a robust vocabulary, (although it could probably use some revamping). But I come back to this word because these things don't make sense. WE don't make sense. THIS isn't fair. THIS isn't justice. This isn't RIGHT. THIS ISN'T THE WAY IT IS SUPPOSED TO BE. And if we want to be Christians, if we want to be evangelical, then we have GOT to be congruent. We have GOT to practice what we preach. People deserve for us to get the freaking planks out of our own eyes before we try to point out the specks in theirs.

Breonna Taylor. 26-years-old. An EMT. She served people. I do not know her, but I ache for her. I ache for her family. I ache for all the dreams and hopes they had for her, that she had for herself, that will never come to fruition. I ache for the unknown and the unjust. I ache for the quenched flame. Her life was not wasted. Our God still reigns. He is still sovereign, and He is still good, and one day all this pain will be completely vindicated. Her life has meaning. I pray her death, though senseless to our minds, will be redeemed by God and used to redeem the brokenness in humanity... are you willing to be a part of that redemption? I'm willing. It's not easy. I don't always get it right. It's humbling. It's messy, but I cannot see that there is any other way...

Letter from Black Vineyard Pastors
(TheCut.com)
As new details emerge centering around the killing of Ahmaud Arbery at the hand of the McMichaels, I find myself infuriated, and yet, what can I do? The most recent arguments focus upon videos that have surfaced and which seemingly depict Arbery trespassing a home under construction in the neighborhood in which he was out for a walk/run. Although the videos do not demonstrate him doing anything criminal in this construction site- (he literally walks in and out)- his presence in it is apparently ammunition enough to warrant the father and son duo chasing him when he attempts to flee. (It looks like someone called out to him, and he ran away. What exactly happened, we cannot know from the videos). The bigger issue at play here is why this man ended up the focus of a 'citizen's arrest' and then dead for trespassing, (IF that is even what he was doing...). Perhaps one will say that it is because there had been break-ins in the area by someone fitting Arbery's description. I call BS on that argument... and rightly so. As someone who spent the first 23 years of her life raised and immersed in Georgia/South Georgia culture and the next 15 years expanding her horizons in hopes of being acculturated, I believe I hold the credentials to argue the following: 

Had the description of the potential robbery assailant first been 20-something, blonde, white, female, 115 lbs, or college-age, preppy, white-frat-boy, and THEN someone fitting one of those descriptions been spotted presumably trespassing, the outcome of said altercation would NOT have resulted in anyone being shot. End of story. I can tell you countless instances of myself or friends being in situations or places where we should not have been and being given the benefit of the doubt, being let go, when perhaps we should not have been, but people are slow-to-anger, and they don't pull out their guns on us. They give us a chance to speak. And if we run away out of fear, they let us go. They don't chase us. The fact that a black male was wanted for the alleged burglaries, and the fact that Ahmaud Arbery was a black male is the reason he is dead today. That's it. Nothing more. 

And that, my friends, is what is disgusting about all of this. Furthermore, THAT is why the slogan is BLACK lives matter and not ALL lives matter. Because yes, ALL lives matter, but the lives we are losing for absolutely no logical reason in these situations are BLACK lives. So right now, BLACK lives matter. In this case, BLACK lives matter. If you are honest with yourself,  you'll confess, BLACK LIVES matter and that there is a huge problem because right now, they are not mattering enough. 

Rant over, but anger not assuaged. God help us all. Come Lord Jesus. Help us fight, or better yet, help us put down our weapons and live better. This is not the way it is supposed to be. 

Black Men Can't Jog
The Killing of Ahmaud Arbery
Lynchers Finally Arrested after 74 days
Sign the Petition; Demand Justice- take a moment to sign the petition. You can upload a video calling for justice.
How can people even be remotely okay with this? How can any Christian hear this story and not immediately stop, check him or herself, LISTEN, empathize, be curious, and PURSUE justice? We have to be better. When the disciples asked Jesus how to pray, He taught them to pray in part by praying "Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven..." Can Christians REALLY say this kind of thing is what will happen in heaven? That this is how Jesus would respond even to someone He suspected of wrong-doing? Seriously? And we wonder why people hate Christians, why people leave the faith, why they dislike organized religion....because THIS is the type of thing that is most often seen.... It's cultural. It's systemic. It's deep. It's in our way of life and way of thinking. We are more brainwashed than we realize. Jesus free our minds! Holy Spirit come! Usher us into the new Kingdom, where people can walk around freely and not fear assault because of their skin color... where we don't have countless rich, white people holding in-person graduation ceremonies for their children in small towns in Georgia while people of color are dying by the multitudes in our cities. Where is the justice? Will you look for it with me? Will you fight for it with me? We don't need to be focused on taking our western-version of Christianity to the nations when we can't even be real Christians in our own nation. Judaeo-Christian values are not simply valuing the life of the unborn and hating abortions. Yes, they may include valuing the life of the unborn and hating unnecessary abortions, but these values are also seeking to preserve and uplift the lives of PEOPLE among us despite their color, gender identity, sexual preference, illness, or religion, Maybe if we stopped worrying about ''these people'' getting us dirty or hurting us, we'd have much more room to pick them up when they are laying on the side of the road dying. Remember the story of the good Samaritan? I think some people in our churches need to meditate on it again and again and again until the Spirit opens their eyes and they can say with me, "woe to me, for I am a woman of unclean lips and live among a people of unclean lips (aka my fellow believers)!" Help us Lord Jesus. Help us learn what it means actually to live like you lived, among the disenfranchised and dirty, and to pursue justice for THEM, not for ourselves. Heavens knows I have had enough privilege in my life. Even coming out of abuse, I am a white, middle-class, female from the suburban south. The privileges I have had are innumerable. Woe to me! And Lord Jesus, how can I help...use me and my privilege to shine light on injustice and bring Your Kingdom down to earth!

Dialogue with Pastor Steph
As an addendum to my previous post, I challenge anyone with questions to take my friend Stephanie up on her offer for conversation.

Stephanie was my roommate in Hong Kong in 2003. That fact alone should tell you she has the patience of Job. (If you didn't know 2003 Megin, you could ask her about that after you're done with the systemic racism conversation. It will certainly lighten any somber mood). Her passion for ministry was and still is inspiring. If you are genuinely interested in learning and dialogue, she offers conversation. I promise you won't regret it.


Painting by Nikkolas Smith
"I deeply lament the death of Ahmaud Arbery and also the trauma it piles on people of color in this already terrible time. Instead of just stating how heartbreaking this is, I have this genuine and heartfelt offer - if anyone reading this feels confused about why this is so painful or what we mean when we say systemic racism is at the core of this and not just two racist guys - please message me.
I have met many people in a honest moment who just don’t know who to ask and trust when talking about these matters. I have no interest in a debate, I won’t respond to anything that isn’t a genuine quest for understanding. By principle I don’t get into debate threads on my Instagram feed or Facebook page - people know where to do that if they want to so on my socials that won’t stay posted.
But my brothers and sisters are tired and shouldn’t bear the burden of the questions that people like me often have. Message me and I can help you start this journey of understanding or find your next step. It’s ok if we don’t agree on everything, but we can all learn. I’m thankful for people who helped me understand and are still helping me when I am ignorant because no one likes to feel that way. None of us will arrive, but by God’s grace we will grow and our hearts will expand to love our neighbor as ourself.

-Stephanie Williams O'Brien

"But there is a clear problem here: Arbery had committed no offense. His only offense, the thing that drew suspicion, was that he was black and male and running through these white men's neighborhood.....Ahmaud Arbery was a human being, a person, a man with a family and a future, who loved and was loved. The McMichaels took all of that away on a glorious Sunday afternoon in February. Who knows what Arbery could have become. He was young, his life a buffet of possibilities. Friday would have been his 26th birthday." -New York Times The Killing of Ahmaud Arbery

"Presumptive Democratic presidential nominee Joe Biden has called Arbery’s death a “murder.” During an online roundtable Thursday, Biden compared the video to seeing Arbery “lynched before our very eyes.” -The Associated Press Father, Son Charged with Killing Black Man...

Politics at the Expense of Lives! Seriously?!?!
Okay, I get it, everything is about politics. There have been politicians before now and there will be politicians later, but isn't THIS supposed to be the man who claims that he is NOT a politician but a regular guy trying to TIDY up Washington and make America great? A move like this from leadership frustrates me. Hand off the crisis so as to not be blamed for the mess of it... Position oneself in the just the right light so as to ward off criticism. Narcissistic personality disorder much? I recently read a book about unmasking narcissism and learning how to communicate better with those around us who are challenged in this area; nonetheless, I find myself angered to the core when those who are in positions that are positions that should shepherd and care for others use their positions for their own grandeur and glory. Leadership is about helping people go where they need to go even if they don't want to go there. Leadership is not about having people like you. Leadership is about service. Leadership is about love. Positioning oneself for one's own personal prestige and power-move is not loving. Getting into the trenches with people, aching with people, and waiting it out with them....that is loving. Doing for people what they cannot do for themselves; that is loving. Leading and loving is not looking for the people who will do for oneself what one needs done so that his or her agenda may be secured. I hate it. Disgusting. Ugh.

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