Laughs

Here we shall enjoy a laugh together because it is good for the soul, and the abs too I hear which is always nice to know after a few rounds of babies and even more of pizza and cookies. 

Saturday, December 11th: A tool man and Princess- Take 1:

REMINDER TO REST (funny. I forgot to rest; hence I broke down again. Duh Megin).

Dad  tells me I'm not allowed to write about reality, what's really going on, or what I'm learning. It's too dangerous. You can't trust people, MUCH LESS YOURSELF. Dad is probably right, but a las, I've made it 39 years without taking his advice until it's too late, so why start now? Instead, I'll enjoy this time with him, make more mistakes, and let him graciously help me figure out how to meander through the ones I made years ago, when, as he said, I should have listened to him. :).

I am sick today, no doubt from the fact that my dad has been sick all week and has literally been hacking through his different instructions or observations in regard to his house and how my children and my husband and my dog, and I interact with it. This morning I learned that his washing machine (top of the line no doubt), does not wash rugs because they are too heavy for it...and by RUG, my father means the small bath mat from our NYC micro-bathroom. So here I am with this filthy bath mat that needed to be washed BEFORE we left NYC AND DEFINITELY need to be washed since it's traveled 800 miles in a vomit van and now had been utilized basically an additional 2 weeks. Sheesh. Dad's suggestion?  Take it out to the driveway (we don't have sidewalks in the country.) and beat it. "You know, give it a good scrubbin. OR if you don't feel like it, go to the laundromat." 

In MY head, "Yeah dad...I drive all the way from my lower east side apt that for you and mom, et. al. might as well be a TINY HOUSE, and desire to use A REAL washing machine, AND NOT EVEN JUST REAL, BUT ONE LITERALLY AS BIG AS MY NYC BATHROOM, and you tell me I can't wash in it...not even my 8 year old defective URBN outfitters cloth I use as a bathmat?  NOT TO MENTION: Laundromats: in the the South, they are different. Just like the lawn decor... albeit I am not opposed to the recent resurgence of the pink flamingo and do enjoy sporting it. NEVERTHELESS, the laundromat in the North is different compared to the laundromat in middle of nowhere SC, aka Gaston, SC, aka ummm. But Sure. SURE dad. yeah, I'LL DO THAT. Or scrub it... which I TOTALLY FEEL LIKE DOING NOW THAT I HAVE YOUR COLD! Hmph.... and where's the nyquil? I bought some, but I lost it, in the giant mess that is your entire upstairs. Thanks, btw, for letting us dent your walls with our toys, or accidentally get nail polish on your wall... which you haven't seen yet. (Sidenote: Dad and I are basically in a game of chicken to see who gives first in having to deal with the other's OCD and anxiety as well as incapacity in a few various common sense areas).

Fast forward to today, and I need a tool, AN ELECTRIC SCREWDRIVER. I left the "tools of hot women box," (for questions about that ask Whitney Glenn or Lauren DUNANT Evans!) that has been around since 2002, AND I LEFT MY NEW GROWN UP GIRL real life electric screwdriver in NYC. NO FEAR!! MY father sold TOOLS beginning in 1980!!! I shall use one of his amazing cool gadgets! But alas, what does he have? The same old thing he had when I was 16....legit, in a cardboard box and a manual screw driver. Seriously- THIS is what he gave me. Manual. Sheesh. I'm just going to have sneak into his garage when he's not looking. Indeed, to find this, I had to sneak around his house because he doesn't like to share, tbh. BUT he caught me. Figures.

Yes, I'm aware no tool pictured is even a screwdriver. I'm not that blonde.

For this and more stories like it, subscribe! I'd tell you how to do that if I knew. I've never had to subscribe to me. I'm just here. 

Eden's adventures! Eden Evalea Eng. She is 18 months. Exactly Five hundred and fifty seven (1/2) days old, and I am STILL shocked she is here most of the time or (only on the occasion now) forget that she's here.... When she's good, she's great. You don't know she's around. Content. Perfect. When she wants attention (I would say most of her waking hours), it's a little different. 

I say I'm amazed she's here not only because there was a time I couldn't imagine carrying a second child to term, but also because the child I did carry to term literally looks for ways to create catastrophes for herself from the moment she wakes up till the minute she's out, except when she wants to be held, rocked, and kissed....

Put simply, she is certainly more 'interested' in 'things' than Eli was. She explores. She roams. She digs in... she doesn't stop. Eli talks, and talks and talks and talks. But Eden, she just jumps in head first. We've had to close the toilet seat lid. Eli never even realized we had a toilet when he was her age. Eden tries to climb inside, and of course, EVERYTHING should GO inside it, according to her. Eli never took items off shelves. Eden thinks the entire world is a shelf that needs to be cleaned off. She's a bulldozer....coming through, taking it all down. I cleaned up paint off the floor this morning. And she eats..... She is Jirem on steroids. Jirem used to eat my books while I wasn't home, my shoes, my clothes, the couch...when he was a puppy, even as a teenager-doggy. But Eden? Eden eats the floor, right in front of my eyes. She eats me, literally, while I'm holding her. And I'm not talking about breastfeeding. She literally just chews on me, and anyone. She knows no bounds. If you get to hold her, which really she only allows myself, her daddy, and Eli to do, she chews you. She chews Jirem. (Take that buddy! Payback is a b****). She chews the chat. Yes, the cat. All that cat hair!!??? Right in the mouth. No qualms about it. Right now she's got her mouth on the trashcan. So hang on-

I get it. She's teething. We give her the new tablets (the non recalled ones)- gel, Tylenol... chew toys... the whole shebang (yes Buffie...we medicate her. I swear. You don't have to do it behind my back). She still just chews. Eli is a trooper. He handles it very well, his poor mangled Marshall and Leonardo... the teeth marks on his toys, the beach ball she POPPED, his paper airplane that is no more... the duct tape for the ninja turtle decor. In most videos, you can find Eden, chewing in the background. It's like a game....what's Eden got? How dangerous is it? Last week it was glue, and then a pair of scissors. 

"AHH MOMMY. AHHH!!!! HELP!!! MOMMY!!!!" Eli screamed. 

Thanks kid, and HOW THE HECK DID SHE FIND THOSE? I have no idea. Literally. I have no clue. But thanks- I'd been looking for them. And great form, you managed not to stab the roof of your mouth, just chew on the metal. Brilliant.

That's my girl. I wouldn't trade her for the world. I just hope, by God's grace, I can keep her alive, because currently, she knows nothing that shouldn't be digested, or at least gnawed. The whole "don't go into the kitchen," and "not for Eden," does not work like it did for Eli... my precious son, so obedient. Eden just looks me....as she chugs the drain cleaner. (I kid. She can't get the cleaner right now. It's up so high. That was so three weeks ago..).

And now my mother and dear Aunt Bessie are flipping the crap out, so I'll end and prepare myself for the emails I'll inevitably receive later that discuss baby-proofing suggestions. Thanks. I don't mind the advice. We're doing our best, working hard here....and so is she! 

 

I'm dying. Okay. Not really, but quarantine is getting to me....bad...or as our president would say, badly. 

I started off strong. I could handle it. I was MADE for this. We were supposed to stay inside, away from people, talk via social media and email- GREAT! It was scary. It was traumatic, but hey- I'VE LIVED through scary and traumatic. I got this. I'm okay, and I can counsel people who are freaking out right now. This is perfect. Thanks God. I legitimately feel purpose! 

And it wasn't an act. It was real. I was fine. I found myself filled with strength, spending time in the word each day, spending time very much in IN DEPTH prayer. I took on the world. I've ministered to many people throughout the past few months, listened to pains, prayed with people, taken up projects, expanded my horizons, and I've thrived on it. I'm thankful to God that He prepared me for this season and that honestly, it has not had as much of a negative impact on my psyche as it has had on so many... because it HAS been a season of trauma for so many, honestly just for everyone. It's been trauamtic, whether we felt it initially, are feeling it now, or haven't quite felt it yet... and this season has certainly held the potential to devastate countless, but literally, God had prepped me. I was strong... 

but do you notice all the past tense?

Sigh... it's catching up. I mean, don't freak out. I just need a break. I need Jesse to take a week off so I can catch up on rest, and then have some time to myself... I just need some self-care, and I think Jesse's going to take some days off as I type this...So I'll be fine. Please do not freak out by my dramatic use of words, (although I did tell Jesse this morning maybe he should just check me into the psych ward for a few days- but hey... I'm dramatic, right? and I wasn't completely serious, only partially...😅). So please don't worry, but let me use some dramatic words here in order to get my point across and feel SEEN (which is very hard these days since literally we stay inside SO MUCH).

I'm freaking exhausted. I haven't had a babysitter since March. I went from getting used to life with a new baby and a kid in pre-school to suddenly being stuck at home with said baby and child all day every day... trying to feed them, teach them, rest them, entertain them, not give them too much screen time because we all know that's not good for them, bathe them, monitor them, interact with them, help THEM thrive. I've worked hard trying to keep them away from my husband during the day so that he can get in his hours and work for church even though he is at home because I feel the constant weight of trying to make sure I do not need him TOO MUCH and pull him away from ministry where he is supposed to be serving and helping others. And now he's actually stuck at home, which I KNOW people don't like... for their pastors to WORK from HOME... The old adage is that pastors don't really do much 'work,' so now him being at home makes it even more like "well what does he really do?"  So then I feel this mental pressure that I should be even more careful not to take up his time and rely on him so that he can actually work and deserve salary which I constantly feel GUILTY we even get because church budgets are hard to balance and insurance costs a lot, and yeah... I just feel terrible that everyone has to take care of us, and like what else can I do to make our mere existence isn't a burden.... I walk around with this constant guilt feeling like we are supposed to be doing MORE to satisfy and HELP the people around us and MINISTER to the people around us, while also not NEEDING their financial support so much. It's an awful feeling, to feel indebted to everyone and like standards are illusive in terms of figuring out how we achieve that status of being 'worth' it... because maybe someone else would ask for less or need less, or have less kids, etc. etc. etc. Even though I know these are actually improper burdens and guilts to carry, I struggle. I should serve God, worry less about opinions of others, and just trust God for vindication, validation, and that God will guide us. Do our best, and leave it at that, but it is hard. I'm only human. And words of dissent and dissection OR the lack thereof of words of affirmation and appreciation can make me feel like we just don't deserve even to be here or are not doing a good enough job to warrant us being here. SO yeah... it's been a struggle, trying to make sure I don't ask for much from Jesse so he can give his all... I don't know where the boundaries are ... I struggle with them... they are blurry, especially when we are all in a two bedroom apartment 24-7.

I'm blessed. I am aware of so many struggles others have or that we COULD have that we don't have, and of how much support we do have by people just standing by us and not pushing back against us even when they disagree with Jesse's leadership. And I so appreciate that. People don't HAVE to stand by us. They choose to... they choose to work with us and allow us to lead them, but dang, it's been exhausting... every day, all day, with the kids, and trying to make sure we are balancing "things" well. I love my kids. I have so many creative and exciting ideas I want to do with them, but when I don't have space to breathe and decompress, I can't even love them to the best of my ability and end up falling apart on them or getting irritated easily... and that's not a fun Mommy. I don't like that Mommy. 

And our vacations were cancelled twice because of Corona- well, they weren't vacations. They were visits with my family down South because we never see them, which is also an emotionally taxing thing for me, that my children grow up not being able to see their grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins on any type of regular basis... And I don't mean to COMPLAIN. We CHOOSE to live this life, to follow God this way, and we do ENJOY our lives, but it comes at a cost, and a taxing cost, so we utilize most of our vacation JUST to keep up a relationship with my family... We don't typically utilize vacation for ACTUAL rest and recuperation. This has always been a problem, even before I was married and I worked at GFC.  In hindsight, I wish I could have been in a more mature and healthy state of mind to stand up for myself and state my needs while not being afraid of others and ALSO able to accept other's limitations and expectations, and boundaries... so that we could just work out compromises, without me feeling like the biggest burden and pain-in-the-butt around who made life worse for everyone. Sigh- hindsight is 20/20. Live and learn. In summary. I just mean to say- it's always been a tricky area of contention. 

These days, I feel like we have immense understanding and support from those we work with in terms of how much time we should be given/need to decompress and break, etc. People, (and Jesse and me), have come a long way, (Thanks for never giving up on us God and working us out!)... but, I still struggle with guilt, (as I expressed above), and wanting to make sure I don't take advantage, and that we don't neglect actual ministry...... so yeah- that is just to say we haven't had any down time. 

And HONESTLY, All of this is just life. I get that. People have WORSE problems. We are blessed. I'm not seeking to complain. I'm just saying, it's freaking caught up with me, and I'm exhausted. 

So ... I'm perusing google and looking at funny memes today, mainly just to give myself some room to think about things that are LIGHT and NOT so severe.... and thus, I will share them here... because laughter helps. And knowing that we're all in this together and all suffering in some form or fashion together, helps! So please enjoy these memes with me. AND PLEASE respond or comment here or on facebook about them... I would love discussion about how funny they are! :D And how spot-on. It would help remind me that we are all suffering in some form or fashion and just seeking to make it through on our daily manna from the hand of God. Grace. We need grace- to give it. To receive it. Grace. 

And don't worry. As soon as I get some time to decompress, I'll be fine... back to my normal self... and able to take on the world again and filled more than likely filled with actual hope. I mean, I still have hope right now; I just don't FEEL all bubbly and hopeful. For now, I need a moment to be exhausted. Hopefully you'll allow me that space without thinking I've lost my mind and should be checked into the hospital or can't hack it in ministry....which are things that HAVE been said of me before when I express my weakness and maybe are legit critiques. Hopefully my dear friends and readers will just let me be weak for a minute and catch my breath though. Even Jesus took a moment to cry with Mary and Martha BEFORE He raised Lazarus from the dead. He knew He was going to raise Lazarus. He had already said the sickness would not end in death but in the GLORY of GOD, AND HE STILL wept... cried his eyes out with Mary and Martha. So hopefully you'll allow me some space to weep for a moment, and to laugh at funny cat memes. Here we go. 

This is so true. I am quite sure my cat loves time alone, with the dog locked in the cage, so he can roam freely, and not have all us PEOPLE cramping his style. As well, I would like to talk about my kids and my husband being in my house all day. Like really guys? ha. I have become my cat. 

This one I love because we all know cats see us as their servants. I literally am nothing more or less. I serve my cat. Always have. It's amazing. 

This because....yeah I want to do that. I have tried before. I make Abraham wear bow ties. He hates it. I used to dress Gracie Bell up, that precious little girl. Sometimes I save Eli and Eden's baby clothes because I think "Could I make Abraham wear this? Or my stuffed animals?"

Yup. The small things are the most entertaining things in the world these days.

I feel like Whitney will appreciate this one. "Please doctor. Can you just write me a note that says I have to be away from my kids for a few days...PLEASE?" haha

Or all the other freaking crap I've bought online out of boredom and lack of self-control and needing for momentary thrills!!! This is not good. Quarantine has been hard on my shopping addiction. I'm trying to do better. It's tough. I struggle. Or this could also be said in regard to how much pizza I've eaten... 

Yup. Poor Abers. I even had to buy him special oil for his hair because I brushed him too much and he started to get dandruff from dry skin. Oops. Bad cat-mom. But hey, an excuse to shop. And the oil worked wonders. His coat is shiny now :)

Because the difference between dogs and cats is incredible. And Jirem seriously loves this. He never has to go in his cage anymore!

Yeah... so for the first few months, I got dressed every day... I wore earrings. It was fun. I loved it. But I'm falling back into the depressive habit of not showering or changing clothes... I NEED A BREAK! SO I CAN WEAR MY EARRINGS AGAIN!

This one is for Titus. Our cereal habit has caused us some issues during these past few months. 

This one just because it looks like Abers....and Abers does hang out near the knives.... good thing he doesn't have pose-able thumbs. 

I did always want to be a cat. I have told people this many times, that I'd like to be a cat... but only MY cats because I take wonderful care of my cats. I wouldn't want to be a cat in anyone else's house. I don't trust them. 

And lastly, this one because I have made Abraham and Jirem and Gracie Belle so many bows and bowties over the years... and forced them to wear them all....I hadn't thought about a tie. I might seriously try that. I have an old one from when Eli was a baby. I could work with it, cut it down a little. This seems like a nice activity for the day... I am sure it will accomplish much for the Kingdom of Heaven. 

BE BLESSED FRIENDS! AND COMMENT AWAY!

Jesse is out for the evening. Eli and I were having a dinner date. We decided to watch some news afterwards. 

Eli: Hey, Mommy, I'm confused. Why are not all those people on the TV wearing masks? That doesn't make any sense. They should be wearing masks. 

Me: It doesn't make much sense does it.

Eli: I know Mommy. I bet they listened to silly Donald Trump. He always says the silly things and confuses people, like maybe you don't need to wear your mask. Isn't that right Mommy?

Me: Probably buddy. You're pretty smart. 

Eli: Hmm. Maybe he must be winning right now. I heard he is up four points. That's not good. We don't want silly Donald Trump to be winning. Oh man! And what number are we on for fighting the Corona-virus again Mommy?

Me: We are entering stage 2! 

Eli: Yeah- that's right. TAKE THAT Corona-virus. But Silly Donald Trump. He needs to wear his mask still. But they say he'll never wear a mask because he doesn't want to be wrong Mommy. But everybody is wrong sometimes. 

It's pretty bad when your 4.5 year old could make better Presidential decisions! 

I swear you can't make this stuff up... Too much CNN for this kid... 

How Do You Handle Your Childhood Fears that just WON'T seem to go away? I'll tell you how we handle them in this house... It's called the TWO parent system. It works like this.... Eli has two parents. When something happens that I CAN'T EVEN FREAKING TAKE, I send him to Jesse. Oh my gosh. AHHHHHHHH

It goes down a little something like this....

The day arrived.... the day my dad has been wondering about since I was a kid.... or at least since I was an adult still consumed by a childhood fear.

Eli: [whimpering from over by the couch....sniffing]
Me: What's wrong?
Eli: [holds up his ninja turtle.... body in one hand.....FREAKING TURTLE HEAD IN THE OTHER FREAKING HAND!!!!!]
"it came off...."

he cries.

Me: [Cool as a cucumber on the outside, but FREAKING DYING INSIDE] "oh no. well take it to Daddy. Daddy knows how to fix those. Mommy doesn't."

Eli: [quickly running past me, with lifeless turtle body and mangled head in hands] "Dadddddy, Mommy says you know how to fix these.... Donatello's HEAD CAME OFF"

Me: [Literally having to shake myself off while cringing and wanting slightly to cry].

Oh Em Freaking Geeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhh

Don't have kids you guys. Just. Don't have kids. Not sure it's worth it right now.... goodness freaking gracious.

...

Jesse: So umm, I'm wondering, perhaps... do you think, is there space somewhere that I could put a few, or some more books?

[he currently has a stack beside his desk chair- aka the chair at the kitchen table- which I keep yelling at him is driving me insane and to get PLEASE do something with...]

Me: [looks at our beautiful built-in bookshelves, all 12 of them, and then the target bought bookshelf, with 5 shelves, and then our two glass cabinets left by the previous owners, with 3 shelves a piece, and then our curio unit in the kitchen, with 6 shelves, all filled to the brim with my picture frames, decorative boxes, giant letter E's, cat figurines, mason jars, and various knick-knacks as well as a few of my favorite intercultural studies books, cookbooks (tho I don't cook), photo albums, and music books ..... droops my eye lids and furors the brow] You mean, SHARE?

Jesse: [bites lip] umm, possibly?

Me: [sad face...reluctantly] I mean... I guess... maybe I could find one shelf? What about the top one? You'd have to climb?

Jesse: That will do.

#marriage #compromise It's hard folks.

MadMegin: My friend pointed out the screenshots from my Vlogs are pretty funny.  I had noticed that. He made this for me. I need a social media class to teach me how to take and edit screen shots, all that good stuff... there's too many opportunities to make fun of myself that I'm missing out on simply because I don't know how to use a computer or smart phone.

We virtually just play all day, and blog. We blog, when some of us nap and others watch Bubble Guppies, we blog. And we sew, and think, and read, and create. We live... God has been so good to us. We laugh. We love. Thank You God. 

She plays in the water just like her brother did when he was her age.

Blaze and the Monster Machines!!

Dressing her up each day is literally a highlight of my life. She's like a doll!

I'm going to be 38-years-old this year, and my favorite sweatshirt is one that my sister's boyfriend's mom made for me when I was in 4th grade. I still wear it. In my defense, when I was in 4th grade, it was a sweatshirt DRESS. Now it's a fitted sweatshirt. I'm not the size I was in 4th grade. Just for all the haters out there who were thinking that...

Years have past. I'm getting so old. I met these kids when they were in elementary school and middle school, and now they are actual adults...like real.life.people. I mean, I guess they were always people, but it's just so strange. What happened to the kids that sat in the back classroom with me drawing pictures of superheros while we read through my hand-made lessons of 1st and 2nd Samuel because I'd just finished seminary and liked my own ideas better than the store-bought curriculum? Like seriously? You have real jobs now? You like actually go out there and do the things I was doing when I first moved here and met you? You're now the ones with hardcore opinions drenched in the liberal arts education that floods out of your fingertips and into all you say and do? You all have become me? Well, not me exactly me, but you've become 22-years-old and 23-years-old and 24-years old. You've moved away from home, gotten boyfriends. You drive cars. You graduated. You think and create and contribute to the world. You are beautiful and incredible and I miss you as I sit here in my high-wasted jeans that I'm swearing aren't mom-jeans but are just the new STYLE! And I'm forever be indebted to you for how you taught me the ipad, helped me navigate my smartphone, told me the names of the guys from One Direction and the characters from Glee, and gave me an excuse to buy and consume diet coke cookies every Sunday at 11:30 a.m. Literally every time Eli watches Blues Clues, I remember watching it while I baby sat some of you, and I remember lugging my giant metal tin of nail polish over to your house and your dad letting me paint your finger nails so long as we went down to the garage because he didn't like the smell of that stuff! Oh the memories. Thank you for growing up with me. You didn't realize I was growing up with you too? Yes, yes I was, the entire time... becoming a woman, a wife, a mother, a mentor. You were generous with my mistakes, showed me grace. You taught me more than I probably taught you. I love you all, and thank our great God for you and the time He gave us together. 

2013 Christmas Skit

The day I made the Trampoline Park rethink their waiver and pregnant women policy... Don't worry, Eden turned out fine. But I did find out afterward that apparently a bunch of the staff were flipping out and talking with one another in the corner while I was doing the course, and then headed over to get their supervisor who showed up shortly after I finished and asked me not to do it again. Oops. My bad. And might I add that out of everyone there that day, I was NOT the one who ended up having to go to the hospital. Just sayin'!

This was July 2019, so I was about 7 months pregnant.

The New York Times Reports I work harder than Jesse! Finally getting some credit around here. I knew I loved that newspaper. My forced subscription to it for a semester as part of Freshmen English has certainly paid off exponentially in the psychic cash of this validation. Preach People! Preach! Incredible! 😂😁💜🙌🙌