It's bad if your tire looks like this...

So I realized the other day that someone was wondering why I hadn't written in a while. I guess people did read, but honestly my thought that I was not read was not why I stopped. I just...got...busy.

But I'm back today, briefly. Today seems to be one of those days that I feel like God is preparing me to be a mom one day. I say that because today is frantic. I realized yesterday evening that my tire had this strange appearance to it. I photographed it with my droid and sent the picture to my dad who promptly informed me that I could NOT drive on that tire and had to have it replaced immediately because it could pop at any second. Sooooo I immediately felt anxious b/c of what I knew my Monday morning would be like. But I suppose that mom's often have a lot to do, a day filled with back to back to back deadlines and needs, so getting practice for that kind of life is I suppose what is going on now sometimes.

In addition, I was frustrated because recently I have not been able to keep up with my wedding exercise routine like I wanted, and it's about to rain for a few days, so I wanted to run this morning. But there was really no way to fit in exercising this morning with all the things that I also needed to do. Sigh. I know that I often look at mothers of young children and all their capabilities and think 'that is a REAL woman.' Sure, they may not have perfect bodies or hair because they are chasing around toddlers and cooking dinners and doing all the other mom things, including working other jobs at times. And I think, 'their husband loves them for who they are...not just appearance or image. These women are sexy to their husbands because of their capabilities...not because of their measurements.'

Perhaps that thought sounds obvious to some of you, but I never witnessed that kind of love for a woman when I was a child. And I would say 95% of all messages I got as a kid and teen were that women were loved or desired or worthy if they were beautiful. This led me to a long life of feeling NOT desired or worthy. So anyway, today, as I have had to do a lot and have a lot more ahead of me, I hope Jesse can look at me and desire me because I am a capable and strong woman...and not because of outward appearance. I hope my outward is beautiful to him because of the inward that shines through.

So I'll give you my list now of what I have done so far this morning. I will give it for a few reasons.
1. It is kinda lonely living alone and sometimes I just want someone to hear me say what I'm about to do and give me some encouragement.
2. I get frustrated when I have to do hard things and don't have anyone to help me. For most of my adult years, I've prided myself in my independence and for being able to do many things that lots of young women can't or won't attempt. But...I'm kinda getting 'over it' now and would rather have someone else do the hard things. haha
3. I want to be able to look back one day when my life circumstance is different and remember what it was like now and see God's hand.

So this morning: I got up, took care of the pets. Then I talked with Jesse for about 15 minutes, our daily check-in. After that I spent God time, but it wasn't the most incredible God time b/c I was having to work so hard to focus and not think about the 'things' I needed to do. My prayer was to surrender the day to Him. After that, I finally succumbed to the fact that I could not run, there wasn't time. So I showered and called the repair shop. Then I found out they were busy and I needed to come immediately to get in line. But before I could leave, I had to carry all four of my summer tires out to my car. If I have to get a tire fixed, might as well just put on my summer tires and take off my winter. The tires were really heavy and very dirty from being outside all winter b/c I don't have a garage or anywhere inside to keep the tires. Moving them from the back to the front tracked mud all through the house. then I had to clean up the mud and get the tires in the car. But first I had to clean them off.

After that, I had to put the roast in the crock pot and all. I planned a few days ago to cook it on Monday (before I knew of the other actitivies I'd have). It was going to go bad if I didn't, and I already thawed it yesterday. So I put it in and gathered up my things. Leaving for the tire shop then, however, meant I couldn't finish my mentoring lesson at home, so I am working on my mentoring lesson and tomorrow's lesson here from the tire shop.

After this, I have to go to Costco to get cup noodles for the kids b/c ppl have been telling me for a week now that they need more. I planned to go Friday and couldn't because I ended up at the dr. with my finger. sigh. But before costco, I have to go home and unload my snow tires so I have room in my car. hahah Crazy. I hope to have time to get lunch at costco and get to work on time, but Bobby will open up for me in case I do get there a little late.

Sigh, so that's it. I could just think about how if Jesse were here or if I lived near my family or something, this morning would have been easier because I would have had help, but there is no fruit in that thought. So I'm trying to just be thankful that I saw the damage to my tire yesterday when walking Jirem. If I had not, the tire could have popped on the highway, which would have been much more inconvenient.

And like I said, I'm sure motherhood will be pretty hard. I'm sure I'll work up a sweat and get dirty doing that too...so I guess this crazy morning and lugging around dirty tires all by myself isn't half bad as preparation :).

Back to mentoring planning.