long day.

Wow, so today was a long day, but I wont' complain, especially since my previous post talks about suffering :). I would like to explain my day though because explaining it and pretending that people are reading/listening, is cathartic to me. Since I don't have anyone to come home to at night currently, I share it with you all, blog world.

First, I went shopping for the children in the cambodia feeding program today. it was harder than i thought, trying to figure out what would REALLY benefit them and that they could use. they live in such poverty, that you can't just get them some pencils and paper without considering how will they store this. Plus, buying for 30 is expensive! And I didn't know how many were boys or girls, so I tried to get gender neutral. But it was frustrating b/c I'm thinking what I'd really like to do is buy them each a shirt and pants and socks and underpants and shoes. That's something those kids need. and i'd like to give them more money so they could eat more than three times a week. so as i struggled through trying to get what i felt was best (and calling kim for some help. thanks kim for steering me away from travel size tubes of toothpaste for 1.00 a pop), i finally went to the register where I was standing with three filled shopping bins. By the time the lady finished ringing me up, there had accumulated behind me a line of 8 annoyed customers. I thanked them for their patience and tried to explain what we were doing. They did not care one bit. so i grabbed up my million bags and hobbled out of the store back to my car. I ended up taking too long in the store though so I didn't have time to spend looking for christmas gift goodies for the CC kids. I don't multi-task well, so I needed to shop for one group and then the other.

In addition, I bagged up lots of clothes for good will, but didn't have time to drop it off, so I planned to shop for CC kids after work and drop the goodwill things off.

When we got to church, the heat was broken. It was so bitterly cold. My fingers could barely work they were so numb. We eventually moved everything to the basement, but then it just stunk bad down there b/c I can't convince some of the students that they do need deodorant and I don't know how to be direct with them without hurting their feelings. sigh. plus, some admit they don't like to shower. no fun. so that was annoying. but even in the basement, it was still pretty cold even tho it was a different heating system.

the phone at church rang a million times today, the real phone, so I kept having to stop and go to answer it. that annoyed me, but probably b/c i wasnt in a good mood.

i found myself telling a kid to 'shhh' when he was trying to talk to me. i then realized how terrible that was and said sorry and listened to him.

after work, i let kathy and sharon sit in my car for a while till their mom got there. that was fun. they were so happy to be out of the cold. my car was warmer than church. haha

then i fought traffic to get to the store to get the stuff for the kids, but i didnt go back to the dollar store. i went to this other place that had a dollar section, or i guess i should add that it USED to. the dollar section is gone now. AND the goodwill booth that used to be outside the store is gone too. disaster. i drove so far out of the way to get there.

so now i'll go back out tomorrow to get the kids gifts and look for the goodwill bin along the way if i can find one. bobby suggested pathmark in chinatown. i'll look there. currently my car is filled with stuff that I must get rid of b/c i have to put all my tires in there next week to go get my snow tires put on. the tires that are on my car now dont work in snow, but i can't leave snow ones on all year, so i have to switch them out in april and december every year. annoying.

so im pretty tired now...just exhausted from feeling like everything i tried to do just didn't work out. nothing was as easy as i imagined it. not to mention, i lugged around so many heavy bags today. from house to car. from store to car. from car to third floor. from third floor to basement. from basement back up to car. and then from car to back in my house for some of them b/c i didnt want to leave it all in plain site. sigh. shoulda just left it home today. oh wells.

im off to sit on the couch and fall asleep. got another work day tomorrow in the cold church. i hope everything works out for friday fun night. they are usually my favorite day, but im so tired right now. i pray god gives me the strength to enjoy tomorrow because i know when i am enjoying myself i serve the kids much better. when it is labor, i know it shows on my face or in my actions. please pray i will be renewed and refreshed tonight and excited about tomorrow like i usually am, and pray for the lesson to go well. it's the final in our whole Moses series we studied this semester. Pray there are no distractions from the uninterested kids during lesson time because sometimes they distract the interested kids. and i hate that.

ok that's all. thanks, virtual community, for listening. i look forward to marriage. it will be nice to have a person to come home to and pray with. but im afraid too. i dont want to ever depend on that person more than god...and that's just a general fear i've had about marriage for a long time. but i thank god that he is going to be giving me (lord willing) an extension of himself to love me. i hope i can be an extension of him to love jesse too. note to jesse: will you please carry the heavy bags for me for the rest of our life? my little arms are tired. It's been 10 years now of living on my own carrying heavy bags. I know many women carry heavy things for years longer, but many women never do a day in their life. ha. i dont mind my 10 years. I don't mind if it goes longer that that if god wills, but...if all goes well, wanna carry some bags for me? that would be a certain blessing :).

ok im rambling endlessly about ridiculous things. goodnight.