Useful in NY

So I've been on a bit of a T.K. kick recently, (Tim Keller), and I've been listening to some of his sermon series's like there is no tomorrow. One that is really incredible is called "Growth in Christ," and it's from 1989. Haha. I laugh because I was in kindergarten then, so part of me thinks I should listen only to his current stuff because he must be SO MUCH more wise now. haha But geeez, if I had heard the Gospel explained like he explains it when it was 1989, my entire life might have been different. The 'gospel' I heard growing up was a very legalistic gospel, and it did not offer much true relief or 'rest' in life. The 'god' I knew was a lot like a genie, and I worked hard to please him. Tim Keller does not say anything that is ingenious from his own mind. He just preaches what the Bible actually tells us about salvation and about Jesus Christ, but the sad truth is that there are too many people today who preach something but do no preach this. What's more, too many of them say they are followers of Christ, yet they paint a sordid picture of a task master who whips us into a panic and exacts on us some cruel form of obedience. This understanding of Christ and the Gospel does not take into account how incredibly sordid we are as humans, however, or how incredibly holy and just AND merciful that God is.

ANYWAY, that was a tangent. What I really wanted to talk about was something Tim said in one of the sermons from that series. He talked about how he's met many people who at some point lived and ministered in NYC but, for various reasons, no longer did. He said that in conversations with all of these people after they left NY, they would say something along these lines: "I am much more comfortable and content living in ________ (fill in the blank with somewhere NOT NYC). Life is simpler and even the more exhausting activities and parts of existence are not nearly as complex as they would come to be in NY. Nonetheless, I feel entirely that I am of much less use where I am now than I was when I was there."

Put simply, Tim says, they say "NYC is by far the hardest and most difficult place I have lived, but it is also the place I have felt most useful."

Ironically, the morning that I listened to this sermon and heard Tim share this was a morning that I was running and had been stopped twice by people in need of assistance. One lady needed directions to BJ's in Flushing and was VERY far from it, and another man saw my patella band on my knee and stopped me to talk to me about his bum knee and how he's tried everything for it. I often am stopped on runs, and I take the opportunity (if I can shake the annoyance that they interrupted my pace) to love them and help them as Christ might lovingly reach out to them and help/respond to them. 

So I agree with Mr. Keller's observance from his friends that have lived in NY and then moved away. I can imagine a million and one places that would be more comfortable than where I am now, but I do not know if I'd be as useful there. I know that I am of use here, however. Part of what has kept me at GFC is fear that if I moved somewhere else, I would eventually become depressed that I served no purpose and had no point for God. But this is a fine line to tread because I also do not want to make my usefulness for God an idol or my identity. I think it used to be, when I first started working with the kids, but it is really less of one now because, to be honest, God has really broken me down to show me my inadequacies and my failures. Also, I realized, as we do with all idols, that it doesn't satisfy and sustain. Regardless how use I am, it won't heal the sadness or pain in me, or make it to where I don't miss home. Oh, and God also used the adolescent attitude of the students to break any chance that I make my usefulness an idol. He did that by allowing the kids to constantly be disrespectful and treat me like I made no difference to them, or, at times, just made their lives worse. It's also hard to make a job your idol when you feel like those who are in charge of you or above you constantly desire more, more that you can't give or don't know how to, or that they just, in general, are not all that pleased with your performance. Actually, I guess your work can STILL be an idol with these variables in place, but you'll just feel miserable b/c you aren't performing up to par. 

But back to usefulness and NY...do you find this your experience? I suppose if you've lived in NY your entire life, or in some sort of metropolis, you can't bring the right perspective to the question, but for those who have lived elsewhere and now live in NY, or vice-versa, do you agree? Do you find that despite the discomforts of NY, you are of much more use living there than living places that may be more comfortable and easy to live?