The Truth

“Being broken is what makes us human.” -Bryan Stevenson, Just Mercy

I used to think that because of the things that happened to me and the way situations turned out that perhaps God had abandoned me, that perhaps the worst things I'd heard about myself in life were true, and that there was no hope. There were a number of catalysts that worked together to change such distorted understandings of my own reality, but one of the most significant tools God used to restore and regulate my thoughts was listening to the stories of others, specifically the stories of women and the stories of those marginalized by racial prejudice and all the out-workings of systems drenched in it, as well as the stories of those who suffer due to lack of access to fundamental resources or because of socio-economic disenfranchisement. 

A friend who has become like family to me in the past few years reminded me recently that "they" had seen far worse things happen to far better people than me. Such a statement may be one of the most encouraging and helpful things I've heard in response to my times of disillusionment where I wonder if God is mad at me. When Scripture speaks of creation groaning and longing for redemption, it does not just mean that the grass longs to be redeemed, or the oceans rage and desire calm. Creation groaning is composed of the cries and pangs of so many of the least of these who have been unjustly condemned, many even to death, and creation groaning is the weight of broken systems that are supposed to exist to create law and order and peace but are subject to brokenness in every aspect just as the entire world is. Broken people break systems. Hurt people hurt people, but it doesn't have to be that way. It doesn't have to stay that way. In fact, my faith gives me assurance that it will not. 

N.T. Wright in Surprised by Hope goes to great lengths explaining literally the good news that is associated with the fact that Jesus rose from the dead, that He defeated death and the grave as Scripture testifies, and that He is the first fruit of a new creation, the hope not only for the future world but also for the world we are in the midst of right now. Our choices, our decisions, our actions, all of it matters. We work diligently to create the culture change we want to see by being it, living it out, testifying to it, and having our own minds and bodies, lives and longings transformed by the already present Kingdom of God that has broken into this world through the incarnation of Jesus, the Word of God made flesh. 

My work these days gives me the opportunities to partner with nonprofits in the NYC area where people literally spend themselves to be the change they want to see. I'm honored, privileged to be able to meet and speak with the people I do, to learn from them, to be inspired by them. These are people who understand the reality of the world in which we live, the broken portions as well as the way we can through compassion, grace, mercy, empathy, and educating ourselves actually participate in change, (not just talk about it or preach about it from a pulpit), are the modern day saints, prophets, and apostles. I'm humbled to meet with so many of these individuals, often intimidated by the value of the work they do, and it all reminds me of the truth: people matter. People matter to God, and people's experiences of injustice and suffering and abuse matter, in whatever form they have existed. The existence of evil doesn't mean God doesn't care or isn't good, but the demonstration of how individuals work to overcome evil is entirely the evidence that God does care and that God is good.

Refreshed by the reality check of the truth of what regular men and women endure, I no longer feel abandoned by God. In fact, I feel completely protected and sheltered by God. I have endured much in life, and it hasn't all been fair or good, but I have been saved from so much. God has gone before me. So many situations could have ended up so much worse. I am beyond thankful for the ways in which God has taken care of me and even given me the desires of my heart in many ways. That doesn't mean I don't have unmet desires, but I just mean that there are often deeper longings that we cannot even properly explicate. God knows them though. He knows what we truly need to survive and thrive. I once believed I'd given my life to God and that perhaps He was so angry at all my mistakes, He'd left me to suffer both deserved as well as undeserved consequences. I now know I gave my life to God, and He has given me the gift of insight into actually only a few areas of suffering and pain in this world, and yet spared me from so many. Through my own traumas and pain in life, I have been given the privilege of meeting individuals refined by the fire who know what matters and what does not. Through my own life experiences, I have been given the opportunity to identify with portions of their pains, thus being able to advocate for them and love them better. Through my own 41 years, I have been given a life, an abundant life, in this world, by which I am able to garner insight and wisdom in order to do unto others as I would have them do to me, to love God first, and to love my neighbor as myself. I have stood in the fire and seen the great cloud of witnesses standing with me, seen Jesus standing with me, the one of a kind Son of God. 

If you're enduring something painful, something traumatic, first off, I am so sorry. Secondly, don't give up. Ask for help. Gracious, even give me a call! You aren't alone. I promise. Whatever is happening may not be good, but that doesn't mean you aren't good, and it doesn't mean God doesn't care intensely. God does. If He didn't, there is no way I would be writing this right now or living a life that is filled with thankfulness and gratitude toward Him. You may not feel strong, but you're stronger than you know. I found that out as well. Sometimes the people who feel they are the weakest are actually the ones who hold it all together. I bet you're one of them. I was. I am. You can do hard things, and God hasn't abandoned you. Far worse things have happened to far better people, but together, we can work toward a reality where the good that comes out of that which was intended for evil can outweigh and outrank depravity and despair. For me, I know it's true because of my faith- that Jesus rose from the grave, and I know it's true because of the people I've met who demonstrate it in their lives, and I know it's true because I see God do it in my own life.