Covetousness and Philippians 3

This past week, I spent one evening at my sister’s house because Franklin really wanted me to see his new ‘big-boy-room’ and sleep in his new ‘big-boy-bed.’ Usually, when I go to my sister’s house, I quite enjoy the large open spacious environment. I tend to look around at her cute holiday decorations, (since I’m mostly there on holidays), and I see some things that cause me to think ‘Aww this is nice. Too bad I don’t have room for that in NY or money for that even if I had the space.’ I never find myself too envious, however, because as incredible as my sister is when it comes to many things, being a neat-freak is not one of her natural talents. I, on the other hand, have grown obsessively organized in my old age, (or at least I desire to be able to be obsessively organized), and I hate having any specs of dust in my home or items out of place, (I know…I know…I married Jesse…what was I thinking?!). Having such organization and cleanliness is hard feat to achieve living in an apartment in NY with a husband and three fury pets (all of whom shed…as do I). Nonetheless, I attempt.

So usually, when at my sister’s house, although it is spacious and filled with pretty things that match so well, I am not driven to covetousness because I mainly concentrate on the dirty dishes in the sink or Franklin’s toys strewn around or the never-ending piles of laundry she has because she works full time, Frank has been in school, and 4 year olds, although wearers of tiny clothes, create a lot of dirty clothes.

This past weekend, however, my sister’s house was spotless. The week before was Master’s Week in Augusta, and she had rented out her house to some fancy-smancy people who demanded extreme tidiness. This caused my sister and her husband to work their fingers to the bone to make sure their house was perfectly presentable. Most companies through whom one can rent his/her home have stringent rules about how clean and organized any home must be before it can be rented. Therefore, the house on Carriage Hills drive was immaculate, and everything ‘cool thing’ she owned (like a pool table) was actually up and functioning instead of in a corner waiting to be put together or set up.

And so I found myself in a dangerous place of covetousness. Franklin’s room and toy room and the nursery were like rooms out of magazines. The living room was so large with beautiful and sturdy matching furniture. The kitchen had enough room to actually COOK without knocking things over and breaking them (as I do here in NY). The closets were huge and organized. There was a large cupboard to hide all the food. There was much to be desired. So when I woke up on Sunday morning, I knew I had to go straight to Luke chapter 12 for my time with the Lord, and it was quite helpful.

I was able to remind myself that God tells me that ‘a man’s life is not made up of the abundance of his possessions.’ I was able to remind myself of the foolish man who wanted to build bigger barns for all of his crops while he did not have any wealth toward God. I was able to remind myself that although my sister is blessed with material things I am not blessed with, she and I both know that material possessions are not what life is about. I was strengthened, able to confess my covetousness to God and repent of it, and able to rest at peace with the blessing of salvation, the privilege of ministry, as well as the other blessings God has given me while also being happy for her. (And then I left my dirty popcorn bowl in her sink so that her house would actually appear lived-in. I also didn’t make up the bed. That made the room look less like a magazine. Oh, and I think Franklin got some snot on the brown blanket in his room-).

Fast forward to yesterday morning, and during my time with the Lord, I came across the Daily Bread for April 17^th. I was in grave need of this daily bread because I was already so homesick, having been back in New York for only one full day. I was missing the wide open spaces of Georgia, the ease of moving around and traveling, and the comfort of certain faces, especially one belonging to a freckle-face redhead. The verse in Daily Bread was Philippians 3:7: “What things were gain to me, these I have counted loss for Christ.” And the devotion suggested I read chapter 3 verses 1-11 as well.

Before reading, I found myself saddened to be back in New York and heading out to work to ‘serve’ others because all I could think about was what “I” wanted, which was to be back home with my family. It wasn’t the “work and service” that I didn’t want to do. I quite looked forward to seeing my students; however, it was the location. I wanted to transport the ministry work to Augusta, Ga. I wanted to spend all day with Mei Lin and Kathy and Edna and Tiffany and Alison, etc. and then go to dinner with Dad. In fact, I have recently come to the strong confirmation that this has been much of the problem the whole time. I have not tired of ministry so much as I have tired of denying myself the comfort of living near my family the past 10 years. I have followed God, and I have wanted to follow God, but I have constantly carried the thorn of sadness because following Him kept leading me away from my family’s faces and the comforts of home. Following Him kept me having to wait and trust that He withheld no good thing even though it has felt like this good thing is withheld.

The Daily Bread said, “We naturally want to draw attention to ourselves, to show off our accomplishments and abilities. Sometimes we think that life is all about us. But living like that is self-delusion at its worst. In reality, our sinfulness has put us in the corner, from God’s point of view. Thankfully Paul’s testimony gives us the right perspective. In spite of his impressive credentials, he gladly surrendered to the supremacy of Jesus: ‘But what things were gain to me, these I have counted loss for Christ.’ Paul admitted that in order to ‘gain Christ,’ he had to lay all of his trophies down.”

These words hit home. My life is not actually about ME. It’s not actually ‘my’ life, but I am often deluded easily to think that it “is” my life and that I have some right to determine how to live it. I’m probably not the only one either. Although I try not to judge, I feel like so many Christians really only live for themselves.

In verse 8 of Philllipians 3, Paul says that he counts everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus his Lord. He says that for Christ’s sake, he suffers the loss of all things and counts them RUBBISH in order that he may gain Christ and be found in HIM, not having a righteousness that comes from the law but one that comes through faith in Christ Jesus.

This brought me to reflect on the fact that I must say the same thing, as a Christian. For Christ’s sake, I am willing to suffer the loss of all things that I would want for myself and to count even all those good things, like being near my family, as ‘rubbish’ compared to being found IN CHRIST and KNOWING Him. With Christ, there is a righteousness that comes from faith in what HE HAS DONE. Therefore, my righteousness is not gained by: my Christian performance, my service, my ministry, my beautiful house, my possessions, my appearance, my talents, my money, my husband, my child, if other people think well of me, if other people love me, if other people understand me, if other people validate my feelings, if other people understand why I feel the way I feel, if other people even think I serve a purpose here, or if other people think negatively about me or that I am mistakenly martyring myself somehow. No! My righteousness comes from Christ, and any good I could gain, and any understanding and validation and affirmation I could gain, any comfort and peace and happiness I could gain, is counted as rubbish compared to knowing Christ and being found IN Him. He has saved my life and drawn me near to Him. Where else CAN I go? I cannot serve anything other than Him. How could I?

Verses 10-11 bring out the hardest statements to accept, however. Paul tells us that through this righteousness we gain by faith in Christ, we are able to know the power of His resurrection, but first we must also share in His sufferings, becoming like Him in His death, that by any means we may obtain resurrection from the dead. This reminds me that my life is not the sum of my possessions because my life is not the sum of my years on this earth. Eternal life is my life, and my home. Although I often feel like it is really Augusta, Georgia or somewhere in the South, it is actually no where in this country or on this Earth. My home is in heaven. The discontentment in my soul that I experience wherever I am will not be completely solved anywhere on earth because I am created for life face-to-face with God, just like the words to that old hymn say: “I’m kind of homesick for a country to which I’ve never been before…”

For me, for now at least (as long as Jesse and I minister in NY), I have to lay down the desire to live near my family and be part of their every day lives. I have to lay down the desire to live in a place that fits me much more than New York does. I have to lay down the desire for earthly possessions that would be nice and convenient. For others, they have to lay down different things. My sister has to lay down things different than me. People in China have to lay down things different than both of us. Missionaries to other countries have to lay down things different than us, but what is true for all is that IF we are REALLY disciples of Christ, we are going to be called to lay down something. We cannot obtain resurrection from the dead unless we first die…and this message is sorely missing from the pulpits of our churches today.

Paul had a lot of great accomplishments and credentials, and he found that in the end, they amounted to nothing compared to how He was given the grace and mercy from God to know Christ, to know Christ’s sufferings and His resurrection. I ‘want’ to be there in that place, but it is hard. That is a large portion of my struggle. And I suppose it was a struggle for him as well…because the very next words he writes are actually the words with which I label this section of writing: “Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own.” –Amen Paul…amen.