Hope in the Midst of Corona

You have not left us. You have not gone away. You are not asleep. This has not taken you by surprise. We are surprised, but God is not surprised. All this time we have wanted rest; we have wanted a break. We have wanted to slow down. Surely, in this suffering, You are giving us a gift that we can do just that. I pray we can find You in the midst of this. No, this virus is not good. Death is not good. People losing their jobs is not good. People terrified, panicking, and enduring hardship because of the new ‘normal’ we are having to activate….THAT is not good. BUT, God, YOU are good. And in the midst of this paralyzing and debilitating pain, YOU are here. You are always here. And there is a gift here in the fact that we are now forced to sit and to wait and to rest… in the fact that we are forced to depend on each other. In our isolation, we will vulnerably reach out for help…and we will find it, in You and in Your love coming through people.

These truths you have taught me…. through the losses I have endured in my own life, and those who have followed me and my writing know well those losses. You have taught me that You are here…even when I haven’t felt You, and even when the circumstances around me look entirely bleak. When I cry out in pain. When there seems to be no hope and no answer. When it seemed that no matter what, bad things would continue to happen. When I wondered if I would ever smile and just feel joy again…when I pressed on simply because my choices were ‘get up or completely give up’ and I knew I did not want to ‘give up’ and leave my children. From that pain, You have taught me. You have showed me that You do restore and You do give joy. Enduring is suffering. But joy comes…eventually.

 There will be PLENTY of times that we do not FEEL You. That is, sadly, a product of living in a world post-the Fall. Living in a world post- the garden of Eden, we do not FEEL Your presence the way we LONG to feel Your presence. That is JUST reality. And until we live in the New Heavens and the New Earth, we will NOT FEEL Your presence the way we were created to feel it and experience it. BUT that does not mean that You are not here. AND that does not mean that You are punishing us. You actually did not PUNISH Adam and Eve. You had them acknowledge what they did, and You explained what the consequences would be, but they DID NOT DIE IMMEDIATELY! You made clothes for them, and you allowed them food, a place to live, and the opportunity to flourish! You did not PUNISH them because You saved the divine PUNISHMENT for Your Son. Jesus is the one who was forsaken, who saw death and the place of the dead… Jesus is the one who, as well, conquered death and the grave, crushing the serpent’s head. Praise God!

And even when the Israelites were in captivity to Babylon, You told them to LIVE in the midst of their captivity. You told them to build homes; plant gardens; settle down! (Jeremiah 29:5). You told them that YOU KNEW the plans you had for them. Oh man, that verse, Jeremiah 29:11, is often misused, right? About You knowing the plans you have for us…plans for a hope and a future?? And people will yell at Christians for using it to find security when really it was written to the Israelites… but the truth is, that verse reveals the KIND of God You are. So while you weren’t writing it to ME in regard to which college I was supposed to go to, You were writing it to display the type of God You are and the type of relationship You have with Your people. You have a personal, a GUIDING relationship with Your people, and You redeem and restore them… They may spend time in captivity, and they may suffer, but You relent. You constantly come back to Your covenant and Your hessed- Your faithful lovingkindess… You guide us, and You have a hope and a future for us…EVEN when we are in captivity….even when we suffer….even when our bodies betray us…when our friends betray us…when we lose our jobs…when we cannot work…when we are bored…when we are isolated in our homes… when we are single… when we are battered… when we are bruised… when we feel ashamed… when Satan threatens and trials surround. You are our GOOD GOD! That is the truth that, if we hold onto, SETS US FREE. That You have not left us, and none of this has taken You by surprise. None of this is BIGGER OR STRONGER than You are, and You can redeem, restore, and certainly provide for Your people.

There will be loss, but there will be more life. That is a message of hope you gave me directly one night during one of the dark periods of my life, when I was so distraught over the miscarriages, and so distraught remembering the traumas of my youth and trying to properly grieve them and let You heal them. I remember waking up in the middle of the night, and it was as if revelation from Heaven was flooding my soul…so much so that I was embarrassed even to tell people lest they think I had really lost my mind and was crazy… because I was SO COMFORTED and INVIGORATED by this message of hope. You clearly spoke to me that there would be life, that there would be more loss, but there would be LIFE. At the time, I took it as a message about my womb. And shortly after, I conceived Eden… and against all odds in my mind and all the different scares along the way, I was able to carry her and even deliver her safely and the way I had hoped to be able to deliver a baby all along. There was no scheduled C-section due to medical issues….there was no crazy intervention that prevented my body from progressing and being allowed to deliver her in it’s own way. It was glorious- painful…terrifying…yet glorious. And every second that we heard from the doctor that we had to make headway on the next push or else we would have to section, I felt extreme surrender to You. I was prepared for whatever You had. If you wanted another C-section for my delivery, that would be fine. I trusted You. And then I would push one more time, and suddenly we would make up for all the lack of progress in the previous hour….all at once. The doctors were constantly amazed. The high-risk doctor for the hospital who was there having us sign waivers to deliver was amazed. They didn’t think it would be possible. I didn’t know if it would be possible, but I was surrendered just to TRUST You and do the next thing as it was presented to me… to ask You for what I would like and then to use wisdom and trust You….and You brought forth LIFE.

But it was scary, and she did have to spend 2 days in the NICU to make sure she was okay. She didn’t cry at first. We thought, oh no- is she gone? Has God brought us this far to leave us? Has He been so cruel? My challenge at that moment was to hold on and not believe You were cruel even though my baby wasn’t breathing right. And then I feared, if I don’t have enough faith to believe God is faithful, will He take my child? BUT EVEN THOSE FEARS, they were not of You. And You had mercy on me. For you know the ENEMY that roams in the world to steal, kill, and destroy, to taunt us, to tempt us with fears. We have an enemy, who from day one, has been LYING TO US about who You are. You were not angry that I was afraid when my baby did not cry. You were not angry that I cried and had a panic attack about her having to go to the NICU. And in less than 48 hours, you released us BOTH at the same time….both healthy….headed home. You are a good and faithful God. There has been MUCH loss in my life, but there has also been flourishing… and that is what THIS ENTIRE LIFE on Earth is … a time of loss and life, a time where this is a mixture. A time where the enemy seeks to devour and destroy, but where You have promised that NOTHING will separate us from Your love, not even our own doubts and ourselves. You are still there. Even when we have doubted You and not believed in You, You understand, and You do not hold it against us. You welcome us back whenever we say “God, are you there? If you are there, please speak to me….please help.” You answer- You ANSWER! You are our loving Good Father.

So in this time while we are fearful of the future, uncertain, wondering how much loss we will see… how close it will come to us personally… how people will survive, I pray You will help us to press into You in prayer. Show us how to help one another. Show us how to love our neighbor and support each other. Show us how to offer comfort to one another. This will not be easy. It will be hard, but there is HOPE because You are OUR GOD and You have not left us. We seek You and ask that you will stop this virus. That you will stop the enemy and the illness. We pray that You will have mercy on us Oh God. But we also pray that in this time of suffering, however long it lasts, You will SHOW US YOURSELF. We pray people will come to know You who have long been angry at You and disbelieved that You cared for them. We pray that You will restore our hope in humanity, that people are capable of demonstrating selfless love toward each other. There is so much fear and panic out there- so many people displaying the degradation of the world. We pray for eyes to see and ears to hear the glory of Your goodness. We pray that we can rest and find rejuvenation in our time at home. We pray that You would sustain us, and we pray God, more than ever, that You would SPEAK to Your people. Speak in their hearts and minds. Woo them. Draw them to You. Remind them of Your love and Your faithfulness. Captivate them with Your words God as You have captivated my heart with hope even through the darkest times. You make dry bones rejoice, dead bones live. You bring beauty from ashes and give us garments of praise instead of heaviness. Come Lord Jesus. We look and we wait to see Your glory! Amen.