Catching Up. Day 1

August 18, 2017

This morning I was praying over how I am convicted that the life of our child, though different from what we originally planned, has infinite purpose and value. This experience, being his/her parents, and then losing him/her so suddenly, forever changes us. We have a choice I suppose of if we would fall into bitterness, rage, and hardness of heart, or whether we would set our face as a flint and believe the words we preach. Amazingly, the choice has been quite easy this time. And thus far, I have not been tempted with disbelief or disillusionment as I have been in the past during suffering or trials. So the life of our child will shape me, will shape Jesse, and Eli, and thus has the potential to shape our community and whoever we know for the rest of our lives. The potential is that we will be able to love more authentically, and live more Christ-like lives if we are shaped by this tragedy, because it IS a tragedy, in a glorious way. What happened is tragic, but our child's life was not, is not tragic, as it will accomplish infinite ministry in our lives and the lives of others through us.... That is my conviction, my hope, my prayer. 

So I read this morning that it is possible to be so conscience of the fact that I am ''nothing,'' a ''nobody,'' that I cannot be a disciple of Christ. Just as well, however, it is possible to be so caught up in the fact that I am ''somebody,'' that I cannot be a disciple of Christ. Discouragement can easily be the product of disenchanted self-love. A disciple is rich in the knowledge that he or she has no say over his or her live, over what God orchestrates and allows- only a deep trust and faith in THAT God, a deep trust and faith in HIS CHARACTER despite our limited understanding. A disciple knows that life is not "for" them ultimately. Life is a stepping stone in the BIG LIFE, of all eternity, and the glorious comes only upon death. When we are able to die to ourselves and with Christ in our earthly life, we experience a shadow of the glory at times. And when we die of of earthly life and are ushered into eternity, we finally see the glorious fully and constantly. 

Matthew 11:28 says "Come to me and I will give you rest. My yoke is easy and my burden is light." This does not mean, "life with me will be easy and without burden." No, it says ''yoke,'' which is the ''rule of law,' the way one figures out and controls life. Following Him, I don't have to bear my own yoke. The life of following God before Christ was heavy, often burdensome, as it was meant to be, to point us toward our inability to be WHO HE IS. However, in Christ, I do not have to figure out why or try to behave in a manner to prevent such injustices and suffering and tragedy for myself. I have only to fall into His bosom. He will endure the pain with me as He DOES know pain, called a Man of Sorrows. He will bring me to the right places, provide for me, minister to my heart, and take care of all the tedious details. I have only to ask Him too. And when I forget to ask, that is okay, because He knows what I need before I ask. 

Amen. 

-Megin Lea

Thank you to the life that lived inside of me for just a few short weeks and is already teaching me so much. Thank you God for that life.