Self-Serving Lies about Tragedy and God

I read this article this morning, and it seemed to say pretty much what I was trying to say last night when I wrote the entry below. I didn’t publish my blog last night because I wasn’t satisfied with it. I didn’t feel I’d said exactly what I meant, but in order to do so, I would need to say a million more words, and that was just going to make it all the more confusing. Reading the above article helped me articulate to myself what I was frustrated with last night.

Problem: Some Christians try to make sense of tragedies in their lives. Some tragedies occur as circumstances that do result from said Christian’s own mistakes, but even then, the tragedy isn’t ‘’punishment’’ from God. Other tragedies just happen, and as well are not punishments. Nonetheless, in a sense to be able to have some sort of understanding of the world, in an attempt NOT to have to live with the unknown and out of control, Some Christians box themselves into these legalistic mentalities of who God is and how He works. And they end up creating and presenting a God with whom the post-modern and post-Christian world want nothing to do. And in all actuality, their God doesn’t even make sense, in my opinion. This is my rebuttal of what I see as improper “Christian” theology perpetuated in many circles and churches.

Scenario: Person A and Person B are both believers. They also struggle with the exact sins and temptations. They both give into their temptations and sin. Before giving into their temptations and sin, A and B were both faithful, and if we had to keep score, they would be equal in ‘’merit’’ or ‘’rightness’’ earned. Nonetheless, after giving into their sins, A has to deal with awful consequences for the rest of his life. The consequences are pure results from the mistakes he made. He goes on. He learns. He makes the best of it. He grows. But the consequences change his life forever, altering his dreams. B, however, by some miracle, does not end up getting the just consequences for his sins. He escapes them. Both A and B were deeply repentant for their sin. They both sought restoration. They both desired to follow God with their lives. A, however, followed with a scar that was visible and altered his life. B followed and no one would ever knew that the sin occurred.

INCORRECT VERDICT: So many Christians make these ridiculous assumptions and presumptions to try to understand why something like this happens…because it does happen, all the time. Some people suffer. Some people don’t. We don’t know why. So some will say that perhaps person A needed to learn a certain lesson that B didn’t. They say perhaps A wasn’t as repentant as B. They say that if A had escaped the consequences, he would have gone on to a life that wouldn’t have been good for him, and so God was keeping him from that blunder. Or they say he would have gone onto a life that he wouldn’t have been equipped for, and so God kept him from that blunder as well. Well, I call BULL$&#@ on all of that. Excuse the language, but I lack a better vocabulary word to express my disdain for this ridiculous theology.

This type of theology is an attempt to UNDERSTAND the world and why it works out the way it does. This type of theology is an attempt to UNDERSTAND the thoughts of God WHICH God clearly tells us are above OUR thoughts. And the truth is, we don’t have Scriptures that PRESENT God acting in this way. Sure, we have the Noah narrative where the world was wiped out for its sin, but what happened after that?? GOD PROMISED HE WOULDN’T DO IT AGAIN! HE GAVE A SIGN OF HIS PROMISE! And then look at the story of Job. It presents a storyline that COMPLETELY BLOWS UP the idea that there was a secret sin that Job didn’t know about. It blows up the idea that he wouldn’t have been able to have a good life with his first kids or that his second set of kids were better than his first so his suffering was for his good. No. The story of Job presents reality. That we are currently in a broken world where Satan is at work and sin is a variable. God currently forebears this world.

What’s more, we have the story where Jesus said that the man born blind was not born blind because of his sin, but perhaps that the glory of God could be shown. Then he HEALS the man. So yeah, some Christians come in and say “Well there you have it. You suffer so that God’s glory will be revealed.” But I still think these Christians are twisting it if they JUST say that. God’s glory IS REVEALED through suffering at times in this broken world, but God didn’t just PICK that we should suffer to show His glory. Freewill in the garden picked sin. And then there is Romans 9. These Christians could read that chapter too.

Okay, let me calm down. You may be wondering why I am coming across as so worked up. Let me backtrack and explain… Here is what I wrote last night… this should explain how this whole post came to be….

September 12, 2017 9:30 p.m.

Thanks to a baby center app on my phone, for which I DO believe I had turned off notifications and updates, I realized that today would have marked 13 weeks… 2^nd trimester. I should posting my incredibly cute picture to reveal to the facebook world that I’m pregnant with Eli’s brother or sister. Instead, I’m posting this because I’m not pregnant. My baby died. 

I’m not sure how the notifications got turned back on. I thought I cancelled the entire thing. But maybe it’s good that I was reminded. Because as I was reminded this evening, it became the final straw, and my rage unleashed in my head. That’s why I’m writing.

Backstory: I would like to think some of this rage is righteous, albeit, not all. Today was certainly one of those days. Jesse was on particularly ‘’fallen man’’ behavior mode today, in my opinion, and it seemed we were bickering over ridiculous things for reasons that seemed to require me to expend a LOT of grace, (much of the time it can be the other way around). So that was unpleasant. Add in a few disappointments mixed with having to deny good desires for the sake of the greater call, and I was toeing the line. I mean I was getting by moment to moment with the strength of God, but I wouldn’t have placed money on myself that I’d make it the full day without breaking down. Then there were some unexpected and anxiety inducing complications at work. Sure. Why not. Let’s add a little more stress to this season of life (I’m being sarcastic). Nonetheless, I handled it, although Jesse and I did continue to discuss heatedly some things on the commute home.

All of that is to say that when the ‘’Congratulations, you are 13 weeks,” notification flicked on my screen, I was ready to let loose. That’s it. Life had to stop. I had to do SOMETHING with all this emotion. And much of ‘’this’’ emotion was ANGER. One may think that it seems more typical that such a notification would induce tears and depression. That sounds much more like me, but when the notification popped up, for some reason, I had a flash, a memory, of something that was said to me recently regarding this loss, a generic and Christian diatribe meant to assuage my pain and let me know that it would all work out in the end. At the time, I had held back the righteous rant that could have followed such a statement. I swallowed the cliché when it was said to me because I knew the person’s intention was good and well-purposed, and I also knew that my own theology could handle being thrown something that was missing the mark. I was strong enough in knowing the truth to let this pass by. It didn’t have to color my own understanding of reality. I’d be okay. It was not an ACCURATE explanation of what I was experiencing.

But tonight, for some reason, the conversation flashed into my mind with the reminder that I COULD be ending my first trimester today but instead, I am sitting here not pregnant and having miscarried my child. And then maybe all the suffering and injustice around me was frustrating me, and so that added fuel to the fire. And I was angry. I was angry that Christians do this crap to themselves and to others. ALL the righteous rage at how FALSE the spoken cliché was came flooding in, (of course being aided and abetted by the frustration over my annoying day).

So what is it? What has me SO up in arms? For sake of anonymity, let’s approach it this way. Let’s identify the overarching problem that I feel like I hear SO MANY PEOPLE bring up in regard to Christianity and why it is hard to accept God.

Working out the Theology: So when crappy things happen, awful, unexpected, tragic, unexplainable things out of which we can’t make sense, basically, our human nature is such that we freak out and need explanation. Right? Yes. The way our minds work, good should lead to good, so if bad comes, there must be some fault or REASON that caused it. We need to UNDERSTAND. Even for those who don’t believe in God and say ‘there is no reason,’ that becomes their reason. Their reason is that there is no reason to life. It’s all chance. But everyone functions with some form of theology or framework about how the world works.

And often young believers who have not been properly mentored and brought up in the faith end up falling into a dangerous trap when they first meet adversity in their walks. “Is this awful thing happening to me because of my sin?” I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been asked that question. “Is God punishing me? Am I just not learning a lesson? Does He just need me to do ____ and then He’ll let it work out?” And unfortunately, even though most Christians would say “No, God isn’t punishing you for your sins. Jesus died for your sins,” they would also turn right around and say, “but yes, He probably let this happened to teach you a lesson about something you were doing.” Or, “He is going to work good from this. Just be patient. This is actually for your good.” Another way of putting it is, “Keep seeking God, and as you learn your lesson, He will lift your circumstances.” Or the REALLY great one, “Everything happens for a reason, and in time, you’ll be thankful.” OH, and then there is also, “God doesn’t give you more than you can handle. So maybe He just knows you can’t handle this, so He won’t let you have it.” That is actually the one I got: “Well, perhaps this baby passed because God knew that this wasn’t a good time for you to have a baby and that you wouldn’t really be able to handle it right now or come March.”

You see, all of those explanations take the RESPONSIBILITY away from God or the unknown and place it back on the ‘’persons’ shoulders.’’ Maybe you are thinking back to my previous post where I quoted Elisabeth Eliot and wondering if I’m contradicting myself. I will clarify later. For not, let me continue…

Christians fall victim to wanting to understand God and make sense of it, so they revert back to putting the blame on the person and thinking God had to do this or that because of the person’s action. Then the person is STILL actually in control. Because if the PERSON just changes his/her behavior, then that means GOD will stop certain things or give certain things. And non-believers aren’t idiots. They catch onto this load of crap. This is not the God of the Bible… I wouldn’t want to work for someone who managed people and related to them that way much less SERVE and GIVE MY LIFE to someone like that. God is a God who SHEPHERDS us. We totally eradicate all things about God’s character when we revert to needing to use these diatribes. The above explanations are NOT explanations of God SHEPHERDING a person.  The above examples are of a God just sitting up there withholding these blessings and waiting until we figure things out down here. And I don’t know about you, but I’m trying my freaking best here! Plenty of people are, and it’s like we can’t catch a break. Yeah, original sin. We deserve death. I get it, but what about this abundant life stuff?? Can’t God be merciful to me and help me?? The answer is YES. These diatribes are just wrong. They manipulate God and put Him in a doc to be explained.

If I was to take to heart the words said to me, it would mean that God allowed me to get pregnant and be all excited, to plan and create hopes and dreams, only to take my child away because He knew it wasn’t the right time and I wasn’t ready. For that matter, it would have been more loving for God to have prevented my pregnancy if I couldn’t handle it. And speaking of ‘’handling things,’’ that is a bunch of crap too. Plenty of people get stuff in this world that they can’t handle. And that logic doesn’t even make sense that God would never give us more than we could handle… God certainly gives us PLENTY MORE than WE can handle. If He only gave us what WE could handle, what would be the point of needing to SEEK God?? If we could HANDLE THIS WORLD, we wouldn’t need God. And if we could HANDLE this world, then someone should get fired because we are doing a really awful job at it.

The truth is, there must be some things that happen, not because of OUR PERSONAL SIN, not just to TEACH US SOME LESSON, not because God is keeping us from one thing and has something better for us. I mean, going back to my A and B example, does this mean that God loves person B more than A? (I edited this post today…I didn’t have the A and B example to refer to last night) The truth is that God is a God who is FOR ME. Yes, He’s about HIS GLORY, and yes, His glory can and will come through us enduring tragedy at times, but He’s not just putting us through the ringer to look good. We are in the ringer because we are in this world!!! This world is NOT our home!!  God’s passionate about PEOPLE! HE LOVES PEOPLE. He’s not out to watch people wrestle in agony for the fun of it. God ENDURES this with us. He is a LOVING FATHER. When Eli is learning a lesson or going through something, I derive NO PLEASURE from his pain or frustration. I want to sweep in and rescue him, but I cannot because I know he has to become something else. So … getting back to my Elisabeth Eliot for a moment … in this pain, in this stuff that God allows, sure, there are times that He could RESCUE us but doesn’t, and then later we say we have learned from it and grown… we are changed in who we are! That is part of the redemption process and how He DOES USE THE PAIN instead of letting the pain just be MEANINGLESS. Pain and suffering isn’t meaningless. That’s why I believe God never does anything ‘to me’ that isn’t ‘for me.’ Yet at the same time, pain isn’t always handpicked to teach us some secret that we need to figure out and that God is not going to give us any clues or hints about. He’s not sitting there waiting for us to level up. God forbears our existence in this world with us… and this world shapes us… there is the potential for us to become something more after our tragedy, but we don’t look to the sufferer and say “Oh, God’s just trying to make you better. You aren’t good enough right now. You can’t handle it right now. So your baby needed to die. But in time, you’ll be ready, and you’ll get a new baby.”

Filth.

The problem is, in some sick way, it’s easier for us Christians to turn the blame back on ourselves because we are afraid to face the reality of the other options! The reality is, if the bad things in the world and life are not God punishing us and teaching us harsh lessons, then we are faced to wrestle with the moral character of God. And Christians are afraid to wrestle with God and know personally WHY they believe what they say they believe. It’s easier to just chant some belief than to REALLY have it poured into one’s core. But Jacob wrestled with God….

So we should ask God, “How could You be good and yet not intervening…. How could You let it play out like this??” He can take it. But Christians are terrified to live in the midst of these questions and face the outcome of being put in a place of recognizing we are not God and won’t understand everything we want to understand. I can only speak from my own personal experience, and that which others have shared with me, but when I do question God and wrestle with Him over things, eventually (or at least so far), I come out with a greater understanding of 1. The fallen world, 2. Our sinful bent, 3. God’s justice, 4. God’s loving-kindness, 5. My purpose in life. 6. His love for me, etc. etc. Yes, I also come out a bit rustled and maimed. God ‘touches my hip,’ but it is GOOD and authentic, and then I can say that before I had heard of him but NOW I have SEEN HIM. So far, wrestling with God about His moral character has led me to this place, a place where I still have faith.

But the times that I tried to swallow the pills of ‘’Well this is a lesson, and if I can learn it and behave better in the future, then God won’t let these things happen again,” I ended up sorely disillusioned, jaded, lacking any real relationship with God and actually just being terrified of Him. I ended up angry at Him, angry at myself, and still in pain. Wrestling with God leaves me in peace though… not feeling happy or enjoying things always… but feeling stilled.

Reality is tragedy just happens because this world is filled up with tragedy. God forebears this world… and one day, He will have the final word. In this world we will have trouble, but take heart, He has overcome the world.

In our quests for trying to satisfy our own minds with a full understanding of why God allows what He does, we can end up casting upon people these sentences that are just plain lies. Because we will not ever, so long as we are humans, be able to understand God’s way. For someone to suggest that I lost my baby because I wouldn’t be able to handle having two children come March of 2018 is just preposterous. It was not God being merciful to me to save me from that. If we preach that, we are going to be turning people away from God.

Who knows why I lost my baby… ???? God alone knows. What I know is only what God brings forth from the circumstances of me having been with child and now being without. What I know is the truth set forth about God’s character in His word, God’s purpose in the world, God’s care for me. To need to have more of an explanation is an understandable desire. But if we press into that desire and seek it by putting upon God motivations that are perverse, it is blasphemy.

From our pain, we can be reborn in our minds and hearts. But we won’t be reborn by finding some sick blame for which we seek to eradicate by legalistically following a manipulative God we create. We are reborn through walking through grief rightly and finding acceptance, and meeting the true God presented in the Bible… the true God who hates sin and hates human suffering. The true God who loves us so much that He does not waste our suffering, the true God who sought us out in the garden after we hid in shame. The true God who made a way to Him and took upon Himself the greatest extent of human suffering. The true God who emptied Himself to be like us. This is a much different God than many “Christians” preach…