Light in the Dark.
Been writing all morning. Praying and composing my thoughts into melodic prayer. I want to set in internet stone some of them here, however.
I was hurt yesterday by someone I love so much, someone who doesn't know the Lord. I don't remember the last time such cruel things were said to me/about me, even if they did come from a hormone filled child. I was utterly broken. But through the intense tears and pain that it caused me, and through the intense doubts and lies that Satan through that I entertained for most of the evening last night, God has given me some piercing truths and some fresh revelations of His Gospel.
1. It is impossible to love without experiencing pain. True love, meaning dedication to someone regardless of feeling, is going to hurt.
2. I remember again a glimpse of what Jesus felt all his life, and what God feels now. To give to someone so much of yourself and so much good and then to have them respond in this way is nothing short of wretched. The deeper you love them, the deeper the pain. This is how Jesus felt. This is what it took for Him to love me and to die for me...and to enter towns to perform healing only to be chased out by Godless mobs.
3. Jesus died so that I could be saved. Sometimes that's hard to get, but I kinda get it today at least. God can kill my pride, my self-worth, whatever He wants, even me, so that this life could be saved. I honestly, at this moment, mean that I would sacrifice any of those things, or anything I have, so that this person could know Jesus. Staring the cold hard fact in the face that she could be lost and won over by Satan brings to light the total truth that I'd sacrifice for her to live. THAT'S why Jesus could die.
4. My love for her is not what makes me want to give so much to her. I am also filled with intense love for God and know that this is a battle, a fight, a ministry, He needs me in so that some can be saved...probably not all, but some. So my love for God, and the love He gives me for her, make me willing to carry a cross.
5. And my identification with that on the small scale gives me a proportion through which to view how God feels about me and you. And so I praise Him as I try to imagine to the infinity power to which His love is compared to mine and His pain is compared to mine.
6. I'd gladly be squashed and kicked and trampled for HIS love to grip these lives. I guess that's why Paul and Peter and Stephen didn't give up.
7. And this morning I was reading this Psalm and it was talking about (and I was identifying with) how the writer was accused and didn't deserve it and hurt for doing good and hated for doing good, and then it went on to ask for God to take revenge on the accuser. But I couldn't pray that part of the prayer. I don't want this kid to suffer. So all the sudden, I was shocked b/c I was praying God would forgive her and hold not her sin against her. I couldn't believe I was praying that prayer! But I was, and God was allowing me to understand His feelings and thoughts. How blessed I am. Thank you Jesus that you gave me this glimpse.
Dear Jesus, tear down the strong holds of Satan. Use my life however you wish regardless of what it does to me, my feelings, my pride, my physical body, my emotional body, my hopes and dreams, use me however you want if you want to work to the destruction of Satan's strongholds and to the turning of lives from darkness to you. Fill me continually with your love for them. To love will inevitably mean pain, but that's just the fact of the matter. there is no way around it. I would take upon myself whatever pain you see fit so that their lives may be changed by the understanding of Your Gospel. Jesus save them!
I was hurt yesterday by someone I love so much, someone who doesn't know the Lord. I don't remember the last time such cruel things were said to me/about me, even if they did come from a hormone filled child. I was utterly broken. But through the intense tears and pain that it caused me, and through the intense doubts and lies that Satan through that I entertained for most of the evening last night, God has given me some piercing truths and some fresh revelations of His Gospel.
1. It is impossible to love without experiencing pain. True love, meaning dedication to someone regardless of feeling, is going to hurt.
2. I remember again a glimpse of what Jesus felt all his life, and what God feels now. To give to someone so much of yourself and so much good and then to have them respond in this way is nothing short of wretched. The deeper you love them, the deeper the pain. This is how Jesus felt. This is what it took for Him to love me and to die for me...and to enter towns to perform healing only to be chased out by Godless mobs.
3. Jesus died so that I could be saved. Sometimes that's hard to get, but I kinda get it today at least. God can kill my pride, my self-worth, whatever He wants, even me, so that this life could be saved. I honestly, at this moment, mean that I would sacrifice any of those things, or anything I have, so that this person could know Jesus. Staring the cold hard fact in the face that she could be lost and won over by Satan brings to light the total truth that I'd sacrifice for her to live. THAT'S why Jesus could die.
4. My love for her is not what makes me want to give so much to her. I am also filled with intense love for God and know that this is a battle, a fight, a ministry, He needs me in so that some can be saved...probably not all, but some. So my love for God, and the love He gives me for her, make me willing to carry a cross.
5. And my identification with that on the small scale gives me a proportion through which to view how God feels about me and you. And so I praise Him as I try to imagine to the infinity power to which His love is compared to mine and His pain is compared to mine.
6. I'd gladly be squashed and kicked and trampled for HIS love to grip these lives. I guess that's why Paul and Peter and Stephen didn't give up.
7. And this morning I was reading this Psalm and it was talking about (and I was identifying with) how the writer was accused and didn't deserve it and hurt for doing good and hated for doing good, and then it went on to ask for God to take revenge on the accuser. But I couldn't pray that part of the prayer. I don't want this kid to suffer. So all the sudden, I was shocked b/c I was praying God would forgive her and hold not her sin against her. I couldn't believe I was praying that prayer! But I was, and God was allowing me to understand His feelings and thoughts. How blessed I am. Thank you Jesus that you gave me this glimpse.
Dear Jesus, tear down the strong holds of Satan. Use my life however you wish regardless of what it does to me, my feelings, my pride, my physical body, my emotional body, my hopes and dreams, use me however you want if you want to work to the destruction of Satan's strongholds and to the turning of lives from darkness to you. Fill me continually with your love for them. To love will inevitably mean pain, but that's just the fact of the matter. there is no way around it. I would take upon myself whatever pain you see fit so that their lives may be changed by the understanding of Your Gospel. Jesus save them!
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