In Quietness and Trust

Isaiah 30….About a year and a half ago, I found myself in a nightmarish situation which I desperately desired to escape. I did everything in my power (creative power at that) to remedy the nightmare, but God wanted to teach me (among many things) to allow Him to pick for me and fight for me…and to trust Him in the midst of what was seemingly a gigantic defeat for myself and victory for every enemy of my life. These verse were a security blanket to me, a stronghold in the time of trouble. (Now you see the title of my blog explained a bit)-

“For thus said the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel, ‘In returning and rest shall you be saved; in quietness and in trust is your strength. But you were unwilling and you said ‘No, we will flee upon horses!’ Thus, you shall flee far away. You said ‘We will ride upon swift steeds!’ Therefore, your pursuers shall be more swift. A thousand of you shall flee at the threat of one, and at the threat of five you shall flee! Till you are left like a flagstaff on the top of a mountain, alone, like a tattered signal on a hill.” Isaiah 30:15-17

These verses often reminded me to allow God to fight for me and to allow Him to show me how my salvation IS found in quietness and trust. Quietness, for those who know me, is VERY hard for me. Ha! I think I can solve anything through my words, introspection, reflection, and analyzation. Trust, in addition, is hard as well as I mull over in my head various ‘outcomes’ and what God might do, how God might do that which He might do, why God might do that which He might do and how the ways He might do it might tell me different reasons for His actions….(case in point?)

Anyway, I write this because I have found myself this past week in the midst of an inner-tumultuous storm. I have fought anxiety, fear, dread, memories, and over analyzation of ‘things’ to the extent that I have found myself worn and emotionally drained, easily tossed to and fro by the simple word or lack thereof of another. God has been convicting me daily, but I suppose everything FINALLY fell into the place this morning! (And not a moment too soon! I have desired peace and clarity and an end to this inner-struggle for days now…but God works in Him time, at His pace).

I was brought back to these verses and reminded that my ‘salvation’ from all fear, anxiety, dread, and even actual nightmare is found in RETURNING AND REST…in QUIETNESS AND TRUST. It is God who justifies and God who provides. In whose name and ability do I trust? My own? Or my God’s? Whose character is never changing? My own? Other’s? or…God’s? Who is the controller of hearts and creator of hearts? Who is the lover of my soul? Who takes mercy upon me and knows that I am but fragile clay, dust?

This week, I have said that I would flee upon horses, but if I continue to flee, I will find myself simply ‘fled away…’ I have said that I will ride upon swift steeds, but if I continue to do that, my enemies will only be swifter. I have sought the finding of what I thought would assuage my anxiety, but with every grasping, I have found that my anxiety was only heightened; I was in need of more to assuage me. It was like a never ending ladder. With every step came 3 more…

I have fled away at the site of one enemy…the site of 5 has been my doom. I have found myself lonely on top of a mountain, tattered….and realizing that all my efforts would only leave me more alone. How can despair be avoided when one realizes this but has no other way. Praise God, there is another way…there is THE way.

“Therefore, the Lord waits to be gracious to you, and therefore, He exalts Himself to show mercy to you. For the Lord is a God of justice; blessed are all those who wait for Him.” Isaiah 30:18

My God has waited this week to show mercy to me…to be gracious to me. In His graciousness, He let me tire myself out. Day in and day out I found myself falling down at His feet…but it took many days in and days out for each piece I held to be plucked from my hand….or, for me to willingly open my fingers, allowing the anxiety to fall before the cross. And in the falling, I can see clearly what the anxiety really is…not much of it is composed even of actual truth. Sure, there is some reality in every anxious piece, but most is much fluff from the Enemy of Souls. It seems, what I was holding looked much scarier as I shielded my eyes from it and hid it tightly under my enclosed fist. When I looked it square in the face, however, I saw it in light of my God…and it, like the things of earth, became strangely dim.

Whatever assails you, scares you, intimidates you, weighs you down, fling it all upon Him. He waits to show you mercy and kindness and justice- justice is the death of all that assails you…for it has been defeated in Christ Jesus before you were…before there was time.

My God, I repent…beauty for ashes, a garment of praise for my heaviness is what you give to me. I am but dust, and that you well know. You took my form through Jesus Christ, your faithful Son, Son of God and Son of Man. You look upon me as the baby who cries when she has no need to. You pity me and nurse me like the child. You know, my God, that I really do not know…You are God, and I am not.

I return my Lord…quietly and trusting. I see your salvation, your justice like the noonday sun (Psalm 37). This must be what you mean when You say, “Come to me all who are weary and in need of rest….” Or “Cast your burden upon the Lord, and He will sustain you; the righteous shall not be moved.” Therefore my God, I have set my face like flint. The Lord God will help me, and I shall not be moved.

Amen.