#1 When Gatorade fails, Get over the Sun
Unedited- morning prayer...because I have a plane to catch, with kids, a grown man, and a mama in tow. (Or as my sister would say, 4 kids in tow...SOOO BAD! More specifically, it's like 5 kids trying to fly alone. Now that's some truth!)
This feels so scary God. Why? I'll be back in a few days. Is that it? Because I know once I get there, I'm not going to want to leave again? Good thing I'm taking Mom I suppose. I'll have to return her eventually ;). And, I'm leaving some shoes I can't live the rest of 2021 without. Okay fine. I'll stop joking. I'm scared. That's just it. I'm scared. I never would have thought I'd love New York City so much, especially after the approximate 4.5 year stretch that I legit loathed her, but I now I even understand all those feelings more. This is hard. It's just a few months. I get that, but it's still hard, and if the past month has shown me anything, it is that NOTHING is for sure. So I just don't know what you're doing.
And my heart. You know the ins and outs and everything going on. You know why it's overcome with all the emotions that flood it right now. I can barely get on facebook or instagram these days. Everyone is living "their best life," (which I know is a lie), but I can't help but wish for different problems right now. I hate even admitting that. I have friends whose kids battle cancer. I have friends who are in the thick of having lost spouses or parents. I have friends who have lost their kids. I have friends who would literally feel like the most rich person in the world if they had a GoFundMe that anyone responded to.
I'm your daughter God, and I need your arms around me today. Last night, I slept literally in like hour blocks because poor Eli was plagued with "nightmares" all night. (I use air quotes because one of the nightmares was that his gatorade didn't taste like gatorade, so there's that... #drama). But every time he woke up, he just asked me to give him a big hug to help him fall asleep, and so I did. I wrapped my arms around him, and he sucked his little thumb right into my one good ear, and somehow I managed to fall back asleep again, until the next scary dream for which only I was consolation. Well that's how I feel right now God. Maybe the only thing wrong, if I could understand life from your point of view, is that my gatorade doesn't taste like gatorade. I certainly feel like it's much worse than that though.... more like I'm being forced to chug some like motor oil. Okay that's gross. But my point is, I need you God. And I'm going to share this pain, even though I'm not giving all the glorious details that I would LITERALLY LOVE TO GIVE OUT RIGHT NOW because, you know, that's me, and even though it could land me a lot of comfort and affirmation, it could also be exactly NOT glorifying to You and all You are doing... aka all the things I don't understand. But I'm trying even in the midst of pain to remember to use wisdom and patience. Help me Lord. We fly out in a few hours.
Today's Goal: Be keenly aware of moments in which I can delight and simply rest in joy.
Additional Goal... in the distress, remember I am in distress for THAT moment, but nothing lasts forever.
Devotion from C. Jack Miller in Saving Grace
Song: Obviously- the Shanes, and that's what I'll do today, Jesus... I'll get over the sun. Amen
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