#5 Ms. Columbia Departs from NYC Today

 November 28th, 2021. I followed God. I left New York City. Well, that is the plan. A few hours remain for God to change things, but it would have to be God because nothing else can actually thwart God’s plans. Nothing has thus far; I can’t imagine anything would start now.

Confident, no? That you’re following God’s plan?”- one may ask. I HAVE asked. It’s a leap of faith, a drive of faith…an entire journey. A few things I do know:

1. I have been dying here, slowly wasting away, for a while now. It took me a while to ask the right people for help, to tell the right people what was going on, and to listen to the right voices, including silencing the wrong ones (my own included in that last part).
2. My children are, as all children, innocent works in progress given to me and others to be stewarded, for the glory of God. My children are not in a healthy environment right now. Or, if that is too harsh a statement, I can at least confidently say, my children could be in a much healthier environment.
3. I am not being spiritually nourished or led here. There was a time, I thought people used this as an excuse to leave hard places. There were many years I nourished and fed myself while ministering to others. So, I’m not talking about it in that respect. I am talking about that at the moment, I am not even being nourished to the degree that I can figure out how to self-feed. Well, actually, I take that back. At the moment, I am barely being nourished enough to self-feed, but that nourishment has only happened as I made DRASTIC changes to the status quo of the life I thought I was supposed to live for God’s glory. AKA I started meeting God again when I quit trying to do the thing that looked most Godly and started, instead, LISTENING to God’s Spirit take me INTO HIS WORD and OUT OF MY FEARS and into … well, basically the great unknown as it feels right now because ummm, leaving NYC- BIG CITY NYC to go to small town SOUTH FREAKING CAROLINA is about the most ameauter and craziest move I could make, and it is taking all the confidence in the GOODNESS AND FAITHFULNESS of God. I’m pretty sure He’s got this one though. I feel steadied in Him as I walk.
4. I am called to steward my children and my own temple of the Holy Spirit, to be a LIVING sacrifice. It’s been a while since I’ve been willing to sacrifice my reputation and my dreams for what my life would look like in marriage and following God and being in ministry IN ORDER ACTUALLY TO FOLLOW GOD. It’s been a while since I did the hard thing, BY MYSELF, that I knew was right, EVEN when the people’s whose affections I had idolized the most did not fully stand in support. Perhaps, the last time I did this, actually, was when I moved to NYC. AND, I don’t regret that move, not one bit. God was IN THAT SUCKER. He showed up. He led the whole thing. He did a mighty work that I could never have done by the strength of my own hand, and He upheld me with HIS righteousness.
5. That same righteousness, the righteousness of God, is what I cling to now as I do the crazy thing that involves so much risk and, let’s be honest, calls into question my own integrity as well as the integrity of those around me. “Are you serious Megin?” As a nice woman I met in the hospital last month said, “As serious as a heart attack.” This is it, for now. This is right. I believe, come what may. I can live no other way, but by faith. And it’s okay because I have a God that uses the foolish of the world to shame the wise. I can still hear that sweet woman’s voice ringing out on the 5th floor that day. She was like an angel from God, although she was, at the moment, suffering, and left pretty much alone to be viewed as insane. What a blessing she was to me, though. It was like we had identical hearts in two separate bodies. Her’s an elderly black body from South Carolina that had lived through so much tragedy and trauma. Mine, a middle aged, white girl, from Georgia, who had traveled the world in her own rights, but was back to be deemed Ms. Columbia by one of God’s angels on the 5th floor of a South Carolina hospital, especially if I would just put on a little makeup and firm up my cellulite.” I told her, we can’t have makeup here. She just laughed. “And you’re hair?? You need to put that up in a pony tail. I ain’t got no hair, but yours could use some work.” -she’d tell me. “I know.” I’d say. “They took my hairdryer too!” This woman knew her scripture though, and most other things. She amazed us all. And when I walked through those doors that day, terrified as I have ever been, and believing I was literally doomed for hell, she sang, her voice clear as a bell. “Oh Freedom, over me. Oh Freedom. Oh, oh, Freedom. The Lord is Freedom over me.” And I knew, God was with me. I’d been singing that same song in my mind, exact melody and everything, for the past month. In fact, I couldn’t even remember if I’d heard the song or made it up as most of the little ditties I walk around singing are. Half of them parts of actual songs. The other half made up in my head, like little Eli. Ms. Sunny. She was my sunshine that week. God used her, in all her insanity, to carry me through and remind me that the Spirit of God makes no mistakes.
6. I got side-tracked talking about the faithfulness and goodness of God, and how it even comes in unexpected packages sometimes. That is what all that was about just then. Back to the matter at hand, my leaving NYC, for the moment. How long will it be? Well, it was said just a few months, although I’m pretty sure my brother-in-law, when he begins helping us load that UHaul today, is going to be like “dang Megin. We didn’t have this much when we moved our family of 5.” And I’m going to say. “I know. It was so freaking hard to pack, and my apartment is still full.” I feel like I have a few friends who would understand this. The point is, I’m going after God. I’m pursuing health, spiritually, physically, mentally, emotionally, RELATIONALLY. I’m pursuing the health of my children, and investing in their future and their spiritual growth. I will stay in SC until it is time for me to leave SC. That’s all I’ll say. God will set the terms, and I am not concerned at the moment with knowing them. We seek Jesus, on this team… and I’m remembering now just what that looks like. It doesn’t always look like going to the right workshops, the right seminars, and applying the right church growth models. Sometimes following Jesus means taking nothing but the clothes on your back (albeit obviously I’m taking a lot more), and then shaking off the dust from the places where one is not accepted. (That’s been a hard one for me). Following Jesus means being willing to let God call out sin and handle sin even if it makes one uncomfortable, timid, or scared. Following God means, come what may, this is YOUR life God. SO take it….and let it be. I hope to be back near these parts sooner than later. I have a heart and passion for NYC, New England, and these parts. But I also have a passion for a relationship with Jesus, and at the moment, that requires a soul-sabbath in a little town of which you’ve probably never heard.
7. I’m also driving out today because I know my life is of value. This is a big one, and this is the game-changer actually. I probably could have told you number 1 through 6 for a while now. I’ve kind of known these answers, even if I’ve wanted to avoid them and tried to suppress or deny them or build something to rectify them. BUT, what I’ve realized as of the past year especially is that IIIIIIIII matter to God, how I feel right now. I don’t have to convince anyone I’m allowed to feel it or that my circumstances warrant a certain type of response. I don’t have to convince anyone that my gifts deserve a chance to be utilized or given the proper nourishment. I don’t have to convince any man of the way in which he should love his wife or nourish his family. I don’t have to do anything except BE MEGIN and FOLLOW GOD and MATTER TO GOD. So I matter, and I’m doing what is the wisest thing for ME in order that I MIGHT LIVE AND LIVE ABUNDANTLY.
8. AND let us take a moment to pause on that word- abundantly, because I don’t mean it in terms of material possessions or wealth or prosperity at all right now. One thing the past few weeks has shown me is that I want and NEED MUCH LESS MATERIAL POSSESSIONS, and that the wealth of the world belongs to GOD and HE will disperse it as needed when I am seeking HIM. He will take care of me. I don’t have to worry about that. I’m a flower. God cares for the flowers. I’m a sparrow; God cares for the sparrow. I’m Megin. Megin matters to God.
9. So what is abundance? It is living to the fullest of the measures that God has gifted inside of me. I’m going to use to the fullest the GIFTS God has given me and the opportunities He’s given me and CARE FOR the things AROUND ME with which He has entrusted me, even the relationships. It is hard to leave so many specific relationships here in NYC. I am going to ache, missing them, wanting to be near them. BUT, I’ve done this before. I’ve left people I loved and places I loved, and babies that weren’t mine but that I thought were mine- shoutout to now 14 year old Franklin, and I’ve followed God to let Him show me where to invest. AND He’s given life, from that….ABUNDANTLY. Kids who didn’t know Him, heard of Him. MULTIPLE people told me their lives were changed bc of the work God used US to do. It was a crazy work, looked INSANE. Looked unsustainable, but God sustained it for His season and His time. I pressed into pain and let God use me until it was time to rest. Well, and then, to be honest, I pressed in even harder and tried to prove that I could still hack it, but in time, I surrendered to God again and listened to His voice which reminded me, “You could never hack it. No one can. No one is ever enough. Look unto me, and be saved. You have only to look unto me. I will fight for you, but give yourself and your desire to save yourself TO ME.” So I have, and I’m meeting the abundance, again, anew.
10. I will miss you all, although, I am excited that for some of you, this means I’ll actually SEE YOU and get to RENEW old relationships and friendships. I am eager for this changing season and to see what NEW LIFE God provides, and how that NEW LIFE ties in with all the previous and current to bring even greater nourishment to everyone involved, and I’ll be right here, to report it, each step of the way. Me and my long letters, and loud voice, as Franklin told me. I’ll giving you the play-by-play, even details you probably don’t want, in order to follow Jesus and GLORIFY HIM. TO SPREAD HIS GLORY AND HIS FAME.
11. Time to end for now. I need to get dressed and load a Uhaul, or dictate to some guys the way I would prefer it to be loaded, and then watch as my mother then climbs into the truck probably and tries to redistribute weight from boxes and re-arrange the way it’s loaded. And we’ll have a really loud, whiny, dog in tow with us. Precious boy. 14 years old! Headed to his granddaddy’s giant back yard to roam. And we’ll have my 2 year old… who right now is more self-entitled than Donald Trump himself probably, and it’s beautiful to watch. And we’ll have Eli, the little mini-Megin, except that he hates to shower or brush his hair or teeth these days, but he will talk to you until you literally can’t listen anymore. And he will make up songs about butterflies, or chewing gum, or being sad that the internet has hit it “limits” for the day and he can’t watch anymore Youtube, and he will bless you. I love that kid. How could I ever be lonely?
12. Will you come with us? Pray for us? Pray with us… wade through this with us, without judgment, and wait upon God to glorify Himself, the way we are? If so, please subscribe to the blog or medium for updates. You can donate to the GoFundMe, or you can just email me or message me to tell me you are praying for us. THOSE messages mean just as much to me. I’m an affirmation person, remember. So 10 bucks is the same as a note that tells me you love me, sometimes even more.

Thank You friends! I am thankful for you. This is still my fairy-tale. It’s just now it is the Reese Witherspoon in Sweet Home Alabama version and not the Reese Witherspoon as Elle Woods moving to Boston, version. I’ll take it. Either way, I get to play the shining role in a drama put on by God AND CARRIED OUT by God.

“What have I to fear? And what have I to lose? And what, what really do I have to lay down but a heel that’s already bruised?? You make all things well, my God. And I lift up my eyes, to my tower of strength. You laid down your life and your rights, to raise me up to glory, to be your bride…. So what have I to fear? And what have I to lose? And what have I to lay down, but a heel that’s already bruised, and a broken life that I have misused, because of a bunch of Satan’s lies, dressed up as the truth, in opposition to the MIGHTY Good News, of a God…. to crush the head, and heal the bruise….” -lyrics from Mark10, written by me, inspired by Jesus’ and His word and my experience of Him.