The40of40! Expect the Unexpected. God makes all things new.

For all those who think today is September 30th, this is the reminder that it is actually Oct. T-minus 1; known this years at Tminus16till40! or The40of40. I give myself an extra 10 days this year, to celebrate that is. I'll make a justification for that executive decision later. There is grace.

Acknowledged FearCrushedby40! I am no longer afraid of mice. Don't ask me why. Just know I am a full-fledged competent and emotionally secure 40-year-old, and I can figure out how to live in a world where we have mice. I don't enjoy it. I endure it, for the Glory of God. 

Thoughts for today: Fourty is certainly a symbolic age, errr, number, biblically speaking that is. Behooving that it coincides with this specific season in my life is beside the point. Well no, it's actually the point. That is the point of this little diversion from my actual "tasks" of the day. Let's live in the moment and  be present without expectation except that we can expect God to show up in the unexpected ways and exactly on time. 

Life. I can't say I'm disappointed. That's the part which is so surprising. Saying such is not to imply that there have not been disappointments, and a great much that the word disappointment does no descriptive justice. Yet, but... the overall arch and theme is good, spriritually speaking, physically speaking, emotionally and mentally speaking, and in terms of hope that is upon the horizon.

I used to believe that answers would come, in time, in the way it seemed most logical and glorifying to God that they should come, at least in my mind. I longed for those answers, those answered prayers, and to "give God the glory," and to bask in it all, comfortably. When I think back on what's happened the past 19 months, however, or the past 14 years, or 15, or 17, ... fill in the blank, I can see the answers came, and eventually it could even be called clearly. I was right to expect God, but not that I would know would always be enabled to know the details of the works of God apart from the saving work of Jesus Christ. There are expectations for which I pray to come to fruition still, and look longingly toward the Lord, but God is fulfilling that Psalm of David in my heart. I am a weaned infant. I rest secured, come what may.

There is space to grown though. No doubt I would take heed in the future to surrender earlier and completely the fear that has taunted me, as when I cannot see clearly, and the hope of getting to the port is a sail of obstacles, overwhelmingly obsolete, my own perfect storm of Gloucester, Mass. "Could this be really happening? Is this actually the end, the punishment for the sin? This I deserve I suppose. I am so sorry, I just..." I'm crying. Sobbing, and I hear my Good Father remind...

 "Let not the obstacles scare you." He speaks to me as sweetly as I speak to Eden, or Eli, my precious children who I see through the lens of enduring love. "Tminus16till40 MeginLea, those are the spaces I wait to allow you to see My Glory. This I've promised you, through my Son, through the Word, and with the flowing River inside you; Drink deeply from It; listen to It; trust It. Go with It.. I have not yet failed you; you well know."

I am so thankful our God is a personal God, a Spirit of Truth. Praise the Lord! And so I rest. I am tranquil. 

"Lord God, continue to work out Your abundance in this life. Refine me, reshape and rededicate me. Help me speak more wisely, live with more integrity, and demonstrate the Gospel not only through my action or service toward others, but in my service of myself, and my reaction to the world around me; who I am in relation to who I claim to be. May it ever be the same, and if Thou would bless me, God, make me a blessing, but I don't need to speak to the masses. I desire to demonstrate but whatever light You put in me wherever You see fit, be it Martinez, Ga, Beverly, Ma, the Lower Eastside, or somewhere in between, (even New Jersey). 

I have survived, the past 40 years, been blessed, been grown and transformed, sanctified, made more into the image of what I have been meant to be. And is all because of Your grace, Lord Jesus. Without it, I would be angry and bitter, with an axe to grind, and unable to see all the ways I have hurt those around me, or any of the paths toward becoming the person I have desired to be. You have humbled me, and I pray I never be more than that, only more of that, for my family, my children, my community, and all those who have loved me, even those who have judged me. May be aware of grace, mercy, and "Shirly" goodness, steadfast loving-kindness. May the my life be the gap demonstrating a contextualized Gospel wherever Thou seest fit to set me, even unto the nations. I do not know why, but for some reason You save fit strangely to spark a heart in me that way years ago, from an early age. I had so much to learn; still more to learn. I have been incompetent of the wisdom and sensitivity and humility that would be needed to live this life. Thank You God, that You have not neglected to change me over and over; even when it included breaking down, I praise You. 

I pray Thy will be done, Thy Kingdom come, this upcoming week, this upcoming month, and as we move forward to whatever lay ahead. I submit, surrender, and ask You continue to search, keeping me near You. That is my one prayer, to abide in that which I cannot fathom but must ever attempt lest I fall into deception as so many of us, surely all of us seem prone to do. It's so easy.  I look to You Lord. Thank You for calling me to You, directing my gaze, and hemming me in. May the Works from You be done. May the Words of You be heard, preached, and the Spirit identified, praised, and distinguished, especially in this dark world. Use me Lord. Amen."

"Praise God from Whom all blessings flow. Praise Him all creatures here below. Praise Him above ye heavenly hosts. Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost. Amen."