An Artistic Expression of Conversation with God- Wading Through Part 2
While wading through my own doubts, pain, and fear, I wrote this. I imagined what God might say to me based upon everything I am able to know about God even despite not necessarily 'feeling' it or 'seeing' it all the time. The responses from "G" in the following came very naturally to my mind, as the obvious answers.
M: Do you know how painful it is to watch someone you love suffer but be completely powerless to save them?
G: Yes, yes I do, except for the 'powerless' part. I wasn't powerless, but I did choose NOT to use my power to ease the suffering and fix it.
M: How did you manage that? How did you survive, not knowing how it would end?
G: Oh, well, I did know how it would end.
M: Oh, then it was easier for you because you knew. I don't know.
G: You do know.
M: Well, I don't know about the specifics- I don't know about THEIR specifics. You could plan to let them die in misery and pain. If I knew that it would all work out for good in the end, and how, it would be easier to bear their suffering.
G: So, you don't think I love them?
M: Well, you've let other people, "better" people suffer- and others have died not knowing you, and my family can certainly be stubborn! And they don't seem to change.
G: So you don't trust that I'm good?
M: I'm sorry. I guess I don't. It would be NICE if I did. I WISH I did.
G: Let me ask you a question- do I love myself?
M: YES! Of course you do! duh!
G: But remember how I chose to relinquish power and watch someone I loved suffer? Even though it hurt?
M: Yes, but it didn't hurt the same way I hurt, hurting without knowing the future!
G: Either way, it hurt, right? And I chose it, right?
M: Yes.
G: Why did I do that?
M: So I could come to you without having to be perfect because I could NEVER be perfect.
G: So I wanted you enough to watch someone I love suffer like that?
M: Yes.
G: Then don't you think I care about those people that YOU care about, and maybe 'even' love them too? Don't you think I care that you hurt watching them? And why would I do to myself what I did JUST to waste their lives and yours? I certainly believe my time is way more valuable than that.
M: Good point.
G: So, can you trust me?
M: It would make sense to...
M: Do you know how painful it is to watch someone you love suffer but be completely powerless to save them?
G: Yes, yes I do, except for the 'powerless' part. I wasn't powerless, but I did choose NOT to use my power to ease the suffering and fix it.
M: How did you manage that? How did you survive, not knowing how it would end?
G: Oh, well, I did know how it would end.
M: Oh, then it was easier for you because you knew. I don't know.
G: You do know.
M: Well, I don't know about the specifics- I don't know about THEIR specifics. You could plan to let them die in misery and pain. If I knew that it would all work out for good in the end, and how, it would be easier to bear their suffering.
G: So, you don't think I love them?
M: Well, you've let other people, "better" people suffer- and others have died not knowing you, and my family can certainly be stubborn! And they don't seem to change.
G: So you don't trust that I'm good?
M: I'm sorry. I guess I don't. It would be NICE if I did. I WISH I did.
G: Let me ask you a question- do I love myself?
M: YES! Of course you do! duh!
G: But remember how I chose to relinquish power and watch someone I loved suffer? Even though it hurt?
M: Yes, but it didn't hurt the same way I hurt, hurting without knowing the future!
G: Either way, it hurt, right? And I chose it, right?
M: Yes.
G: Why did I do that?
M: So I could come to you without having to be perfect because I could NEVER be perfect.
G: So I wanted you enough to watch someone I love suffer like that?
M: Yes.
G: Then don't you think I care about those people that YOU care about, and maybe 'even' love them too? Don't you think I care that you hurt watching them? And why would I do to myself what I did JUST to waste their lives and yours? I certainly believe my time is way more valuable than that.
M: Good point.
G: So, can you trust me?
M: It would make sense to...
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