On the 729th Day
So tomorrow is our 2 year anniversary. This reminds me of a lot of things. Two years ago today, I was isolating myself into my apartment, kicking everyone else out, and watching mindless TLC t.v. while vegging on pizza. I just wanted space to BREATHE before the 'big day.' ha-ha. Truth be told: Jesse went to my bachelorette party after the rehearsal dinner, not me. Yup. That's right. My bridesmaids and close friends took my FIANCE to get icecream. I went home. (There WERE important reasons for this, but in hindsight, it's funnier just to tell the story like that!).
Ever notice on Facebook how whenever it's a couples anniversary, the fad is to change your picture to your wedding day and say all the sweet things about how much you love them and couldn't imagine life without them and yada-yada-yada.... ? Well, I think that's FINE. I'm NOT bashing those people- not.at.all. Unfortunately, for ME, however, I am one of those sinners who finds the biggest thief of her joy is comparison, and so when I see these messages, I tend to think that these people have the EASIEST, MOST PERFECT RELATIONSHIPS EVER, and that Jesse and I (because of me, usually, I say) fall short and stink .... or something.
Yeah, well, those thoughts are pretty much lies- especially the part about Jesse and me falling short to some invisible make-believe standard, and the part about it just being my fault. BUT, what can I say...I believe lies much of the time folks. I think most people do. That's why it's good to read the word and stay in fellowship- helps ya' realize what lies there are that you might be believing.
I post it b/c it's not the picture that best captures all the EXCITEMENT of the day or PERFECTION of the day. It's not the BEST picture of us- (no offense Justin). I spent so much time on planning our wedding, making sure it looked how I wanted it to look and felt how I wanted it to feel, and that's all fine-and-dandy. But the wedding day does not really reflect the marriage at all now, does it? Not usually. I think out of all of our pictures, this picture reflects the marriage the most- just a normal-faced shot of us (seeee Justin). We were actually 'walking' to get our pictures taken. I wasn't worrying about my dress or smile (although apparently Jesse was to some degree). Although, to be honest, Jesse may likely have been thinking about some jiu-jitsu move. He'd admit that. And THAT is more often the every day of marriage- we stop being 'intentional' by nature and just start living... and often self-centeredly, until said self-centeredness causes our spouse to speak up (or blow up), and we get that conviction of 'oh- wow, I wasn't being a good spouse.'
So tomorrow is 2 years since the day that God foreordained that Jesse and I choose to marry each other. (Previous sentence worded very specifically to reflect personal theology! ha). There have been a lot of 'storming' and seeking to 'form,' (if you aren't familiar the the formation of group dynamics, then that analogy will mean nothing to you), and there have been days that I have sat back in utter disbelief, thinking, "Wow. We did this. We got married. This.Is.It.Forever. Omgomgomgomgomg." But then there have been many moments where I've sat back and thought "Ohhhhhh, THIS is why God let us get married, despite our insane differences. Ahhh I see. This is really COOL, and THIS makes so much sense!" And then there are moments that I'm not thinking either way, and I just really like it that Jesse makes me laugh by acting ridiculous... a side of him that few people see, so I suppose I should feel honored.
Anyway, I just had the idea to post this because I was thinking, marriage is really not best reflected by the wedding day at all, in my opinion at least, but those are usually the pictures we resort to when wanting to say Happy Anniversary or 'recall our great love.' So I felt if I was going to post any 'wedding day' picture, I had to at least explain my thoughts- Honestly, I want to celebrate our anniversary because WE MADE IT, and we've grown so much.... so I'm proud of that. THANKFUL to God that He has done that. We could have imploded very quickly. We're both pretty stubborn...and very different. Not a great combo to the untrained eye.
I also really like the below picture, taken at the Queens Botanical Gardens on our 1st Anniversary. Does not this just sum up our relationship, our individual lives, our walks with God, and .... life ... in general??? I would say so.
Ever notice on Facebook how whenever it's a couples anniversary, the fad is to change your picture to your wedding day and say all the sweet things about how much you love them and couldn't imagine life without them and yada-yada-yada.... ? Well, I think that's FINE. I'm NOT bashing those people- not.at.all. Unfortunately, for ME, however, I am one of those sinners who finds the biggest thief of her joy is comparison, and so when I see these messages, I tend to think that these people have the EASIEST, MOST PERFECT RELATIONSHIPS EVER, and that Jesse and I (because of me, usually, I say) fall short and stink .... or something.
Yeah, well, those thoughts are pretty much lies- especially the part about Jesse and me falling short to some invisible make-believe standard, and the part about it just being my fault. BUT, what can I say...I believe lies much of the time folks. I think most people do. That's why it's good to read the word and stay in fellowship- helps ya' realize what lies there are that you might be believing.
Anyway, for our anniversary, I'll post this picture:
I post it b/c it's not the picture that best captures all the EXCITEMENT of the day or PERFECTION of the day. It's not the BEST picture of us- (no offense Justin). I spent so much time on planning our wedding, making sure it looked how I wanted it to look and felt how I wanted it to feel, and that's all fine-and-dandy. But the wedding day does not really reflect the marriage at all now, does it? Not usually. I think out of all of our pictures, this picture reflects the marriage the most- just a normal-faced shot of us (seeee Justin). We were actually 'walking' to get our pictures taken. I wasn't worrying about my dress or smile (although apparently Jesse was to some degree). Although, to be honest, Jesse may likely have been thinking about some jiu-jitsu move. He'd admit that. And THAT is more often the every day of marriage- we stop being 'intentional' by nature and just start living... and often self-centeredly, until said self-centeredness causes our spouse to speak up (or blow up), and we get that conviction of 'oh- wow, I wasn't being a good spouse.'
So tomorrow is 2 years since the day that God foreordained that Jesse and I choose to marry each other. (Previous sentence worded very specifically to reflect personal theology! ha). There have been a lot of 'storming' and seeking to 'form,' (if you aren't familiar the the formation of group dynamics, then that analogy will mean nothing to you), and there have been days that I have sat back in utter disbelief, thinking, "Wow. We did this. We got married. This.Is.It.Forever. Omgomgomgomgomg." But then there have been many moments where I've sat back and thought "Ohhhhhh, THIS is why God let us get married, despite our insane differences. Ahhh I see. This is really COOL, and THIS makes so much sense!" And then there are moments that I'm not thinking either way, and I just really like it that Jesse makes me laugh by acting ridiculous... a side of him that few people see, so I suppose I should feel honored.
Anyway, I just had the idea to post this because I was thinking, marriage is really not best reflected by the wedding day at all, in my opinion at least, but those are usually the pictures we resort to when wanting to say Happy Anniversary or 'recall our great love.' So I felt if I was going to post any 'wedding day' picture, I had to at least explain my thoughts- Honestly, I want to celebrate our anniversary because WE MADE IT, and we've grown so much.... so I'm proud of that. THANKFUL to God that He has done that. We could have imploded very quickly. We're both pretty stubborn...and very different. Not a great combo to the untrained eye.
I also really like the below picture, taken at the Queens Botanical Gardens on our 1st Anniversary. Does not this just sum up our relationship, our individual lives, our walks with God, and .... life ... in general??? I would say so.
So happy anniversary GOD! Thank You for carrying us through these 2 years. I can't even imagine what lies ahead, but one thing I know, we will never make it without YOU because YOU are the source of love. We can only love because you FIRST loved us.
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