My God, the Author of Spring
Flesh and filth is all I take with me, that and robes of white given by a King...
Earlier today, a friend shared with me his personal experience with the gifts of God and how often we think we know what these 'gifts' are but how God's idea of a gift is much different than ours, much better, and often...much harder. We think "God is going to send revival and programs and pretty things..." God does send revival, too, but through sanctification, through breaking us and stripping us and humbling us and scraping away those bits of Adam that penetrate our deepest thoughts and longings.
A few years back, I audibly (though it sounds charasmatic) heard God give me a promise of strength and change in 'Spring.' I was going through an very hard time, an extremely trying experience, and 'Spring' was just what I needed physically, spiritually, mentally, and literally... (Boston was giving me a cold winter). Well, I thought I found my Spring...around Spring time, but 'Spring' ended up hurting....hurting for a long time, and it then it seemed to 'crash and burn,' if you will. I remember thinking so many times during a certain year, "God, what about Spring? Was I so wrong? What about the confirmation of your presence and your guidance? This makes no sense. This hurts! What about 'Spring?!!"
I realized a while back, however, that I did indeed receive Spring, and after talking with my friend today, I am praising God again for it. I thought of Spring coming in one form, one fashion, but God's promise of Spring had to do with my salvation and sanctification....things that have brought me ultimately so much more than I could have fathomed. The 'things' I needed relief from then have been relieved, the burden is gone, but it was not carried or soothed in the ways I believed it would be. It was taken care of through my growing in relationship with Jesus...and that came through pain, weakness.... through God's idea of Spring. Spring is a time of pruning.
So tonight as I sat here praying, I was led to Psalm 4. Reading through it, I started crying. How have I read this psalm over and over again and NEVER realized the depth of these words.
"There are many who say 'Who will show us some good? Lift up the light of your face upon us Oh Lord!' ....... You have put more joy in my heart than they have when their grain and wine abound." Psalm 4:6-7
Wow....WOW! I was so long (still am too often) the ones of verse 6, saying: Lord...where is the good? Shine your face upon me! Do this! Do this, and then this, and this!"
But now...at least for tonight, and as long as the grace of God gives me strength to remain, praying with David in verse 7....
Through God's idea of Spring....God's idea of gift.....which was NOTHING like mine, He has filled me with more joy than 'they' have when their grain and wine abound.
Two years ago, I had a specific dream of what I wanted in life more than anything, what I truly saw that I needed. If I didn't have it, how could I go on? What would my purpose be? There would be none. I could not see past it....I continued to struggle....through two years of God telling me 'look to Me, Megin."
I never got what I believed I 'needed.' What I received instead was the faith and the hope of Christ, the knowledge that I didn't 'need it,' rather....I had all I needed....I had Jesus, and all that guilt and shame of sin....well, that's what Jesus died for.
Praise God from whom all Spring flows...
Earlier today, a friend shared with me his personal experience with the gifts of God and how often we think we know what these 'gifts' are but how God's idea of a gift is much different than ours, much better, and often...much harder. We think "God is going to send revival and programs and pretty things..." God does send revival, too, but through sanctification, through breaking us and stripping us and humbling us and scraping away those bits of Adam that penetrate our deepest thoughts and longings.
A few years back, I audibly (though it sounds charasmatic) heard God give me a promise of strength and change in 'Spring.' I was going through an very hard time, an extremely trying experience, and 'Spring' was just what I needed physically, spiritually, mentally, and literally... (Boston was giving me a cold winter). Well, I thought I found my Spring...around Spring time, but 'Spring' ended up hurting....hurting for a long time, and it then it seemed to 'crash and burn,' if you will. I remember thinking so many times during a certain year, "God, what about Spring? Was I so wrong? What about the confirmation of your presence and your guidance? This makes no sense. This hurts! What about 'Spring?!!"
I realized a while back, however, that I did indeed receive Spring, and after talking with my friend today, I am praising God again for it. I thought of Spring coming in one form, one fashion, but God's promise of Spring had to do with my salvation and sanctification....things that have brought me ultimately so much more than I could have fathomed. The 'things' I needed relief from then have been relieved, the burden is gone, but it was not carried or soothed in the ways I believed it would be. It was taken care of through my growing in relationship with Jesus...and that came through pain, weakness.... through God's idea of Spring. Spring is a time of pruning.
So tonight as I sat here praying, I was led to Psalm 4. Reading through it, I started crying. How have I read this psalm over and over again and NEVER realized the depth of these words.
"There are many who say 'Who will show us some good? Lift up the light of your face upon us Oh Lord!' ....... You have put more joy in my heart than they have when their grain and wine abound." Psalm 4:6-7
Wow....WOW! I was so long (still am too often) the ones of verse 6, saying: Lord...where is the good? Shine your face upon me! Do this! Do this, and then this, and this!"
But now...at least for tonight, and as long as the grace of God gives me strength to remain, praying with David in verse 7....
Through God's idea of Spring....God's idea of gift.....which was NOTHING like mine, He has filled me with more joy than 'they' have when their grain and wine abound.
Two years ago, I had a specific dream of what I wanted in life more than anything, what I truly saw that I needed. If I didn't have it, how could I go on? What would my purpose be? There would be none. I could not see past it....I continued to struggle....through two years of God telling me 'look to Me, Megin."
I never got what I believed I 'needed.' What I received instead was the faith and the hope of Christ, the knowledge that I didn't 'need it,' rather....I had all I needed....I had Jesus, and all that guilt and shame of sin....well, that's what Jesus died for.
Praise God from whom all Spring flows...
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