The Honest Heart from May 20th, 2012

            The LORD said to Samuel, “How long will you grieve over Saul, since I have rejected him from being king over Israel? Fill your horn with oil, and go. I will send you to Jesse the Bethlehemite, for I have provided for myself a king among his sons.”

(1 Samuel 16:1; 1 Samuel 16:2-7 ESV) And Samuel said, “How can I go? If Saul hears it, he will kill me.” And the LORD said, “Take a heifer with you and say, ‘I have come to sacrifice to the LORD.’ And invite Jesse to the sacrifice, and I will show you what you shall do. And you shall anoint for me him whom I declare to you.” Samuel did what the LORD commanded and came to Bethlehem. The elders of the city came to meet him trembling and said, “Do you come peaceably?” And he said, “Peaceably; I have come to sacrifice to the LORD. Consecrate yourselves, and come with me to the sacrifice.” And he consecrated Jesse and his sons and invited them to the sacrifice.

            When they came, he looked on Eliab and thought, “Surely the LORD's anointed is before him.” But the LORD said to Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the LORD sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the LORD looks on the heart.”

(1 Samuel 16:1; 1 Samuel 16:2-7 ESV)

These verses brought me comfort this morning when I read them during my devotion, but unfortunately that comfort has not continued to stay with me, and here I am in the mid-afternoon needing to remind myself of them, yet somehow, they seemingly lack the power they held earlier. I suppose I’m not upset about one thing in particular right now. I do not need validation or defense. I am just downcast over reality as it is in front of me…reality that I truly believe many people turn a blind-eye to rather than face, acknowledge, and change.

There is so much hurt and sadness in the world, and it clouds the joy. We need Jesus so much. Most do not think about Him from moment to moment. We need to be identified with His Spirit of new life inside us so much. The outside dressings of our lives are pure dung, manure. The Lord looks on our hearts. We can lie to ourselves and one another about our actions and motives and who we are, but we cannot lie to the Lord.

It is true, for those who have accepted Him as their Savior, Christ’s righteousness is now covering them, but it is also true that this fact offers us no excuse not to pick ourselves up by the scruff of our necks and demand from ourselves that we FOLLOW and OBEY Him. I am not perfect. I will not be perfect, but gosh darn I better try to follow God, at least. I better SEEK Him. How can I say I love Him if I am not interested in living in a manner that brings Him joy and in a manner that GLORIFIES His name?!!! Obedience, He tells me is BETTER than sacrifice. So, Laziness and Lying is literally spitting in the face of the grace we have been shown.

And so I spit, because I lack the strength to exist in the face of depression waxed full by the reality of a post-fall world. Jesus Christ looked upon the world, Jerusalem specifically, and wept for them, crying that He had longed to gather them as a mother gathers her chicks. Yet He did not remain in sullenness. His righteous anger, His rightness, His sorrow, ALL led Him to Obedience to His God, to Himself. I look at Jerusalem, and my personal Jerusalem, and I feel the same sadness, but I can’t seem to put that emotion to very good use the way Jesus did.

And so I sit…alone and sullen, and I stare…as the hours of the day pass by at their wretchedly slow pace. And I’m thankful that I am not blind or naive, but such a blessing leaves me fragile – because I’m less than flesh- and currently lacking the ability to respond rightly to the spectrum of life God has shown me…