Honesty...even if others don't agree or believe or get it.
So something you may or may not know about me is that I struggle with depression a lot. I say a lot because I have for a long time and realize that I may for many more years to come. The home I was raised in and learned to think and feel in was one that was somewhat like a familial war-zone. Most of the time, my neutral feeling or default feeling is sadness or stress whereas typically the body should have a 'neutral' neutral or default feeling and then circumstances either make them happier or more sad.
I guess I don't mind sharing this with those of you who don't know this about me because I have learned to live with and accept myself. And, some seasons of life are easier than others. I also feel like that God has gifted me with this depression sometimes because it really helps my ministry when it comes to understanding others and counseling them.
Anyway, as of the recent months, I've been feeling a lot of deep sadness. Sometimes I can pinpoint why I feel it; other times it is overwhelming and I don't have a specific reason I can come up with. It's not a feeling sorry for one's self feeling, might I add. It is literally just a very very sad feeling with very much lack of motivation which makes typical tasks a bit harder than they should be.
But I said all that because I wanted to share my devotion from this morning which gave me hope. Today, I am packing to go home to Georgia, something that is by all means exciting, but I'm so very very sad as of recently and I'd like to just sleep the rest of the morning until time to play with the kids. Playing with the kids does make me happy....planning and managing what we'll play doesn't. teehee.
Anyway, this morning I was thinking about all the situations many of my friends are in. I was overcome by sadness about their lives and then just pain b/c of all the sin in the world and all the broken relationships. I read in Romans chapter 10, and this gave me hope. I wrote: this is the promise and my ONLY comfort this morning Jesus...
"If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved." Romans 10:9. God's word is in my mouth and my heart. I am saved because of Jesus. This world is not 'it,' but 'it' comes later when I am with Jesus forever. Also, this chapter tells me that 'everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved. Everyone who believes will not be put to shame.' I know that I am ok regardless of my feelings. I am ok b/c Jesus promises me these things, and I know I believe them.
Then I read the next verses that say that people can't believe if they haven't heard about Him, and they can't hear unless someone preaches...etc, etc. And I was reminded of what I know in my heart, that God has me to preach so that others may hear and believe. And so that gave me motivation to pack for Georgia and finish up misc. tasks before going to play with kids. It gave me motivation to drive and get gas and get on a plane and do anything I have to do...because Jesus needs me to be a believer who through my actions shares His love. Jesus is my only purpose.
I suppose if I were a naturally 'happier' person on the inside, I might not be inclined to need to depend on Jesus so much just to function. I'm not sure, but that is just my prediction, so it leads me to say thank you Jesus that you allowed the circumstances of my life that led to this being how I am...thank you for clinical depression. It may be hard, but there are definite blessings in disguise. Amen.
I guess I don't mind sharing this with those of you who don't know this about me because I have learned to live with and accept myself. And, some seasons of life are easier than others. I also feel like that God has gifted me with this depression sometimes because it really helps my ministry when it comes to understanding others and counseling them.
Anyway, as of the recent months, I've been feeling a lot of deep sadness. Sometimes I can pinpoint why I feel it; other times it is overwhelming and I don't have a specific reason I can come up with. It's not a feeling sorry for one's self feeling, might I add. It is literally just a very very sad feeling with very much lack of motivation which makes typical tasks a bit harder than they should be.
But I said all that because I wanted to share my devotion from this morning which gave me hope. Today, I am packing to go home to Georgia, something that is by all means exciting, but I'm so very very sad as of recently and I'd like to just sleep the rest of the morning until time to play with the kids. Playing with the kids does make me happy....planning and managing what we'll play doesn't. teehee.
Anyway, this morning I was thinking about all the situations many of my friends are in. I was overcome by sadness about their lives and then just pain b/c of all the sin in the world and all the broken relationships. I read in Romans chapter 10, and this gave me hope. I wrote: this is the promise and my ONLY comfort this morning Jesus...
"If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved." Romans 10:9. God's word is in my mouth and my heart. I am saved because of Jesus. This world is not 'it,' but 'it' comes later when I am with Jesus forever. Also, this chapter tells me that 'everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved. Everyone who believes will not be put to shame.' I know that I am ok regardless of my feelings. I am ok b/c Jesus promises me these things, and I know I believe them.
Then I read the next verses that say that people can't believe if they haven't heard about Him, and they can't hear unless someone preaches...etc, etc. And I was reminded of what I know in my heart, that God has me to preach so that others may hear and believe. And so that gave me motivation to pack for Georgia and finish up misc. tasks before going to play with kids. It gave me motivation to drive and get gas and get on a plane and do anything I have to do...because Jesus needs me to be a believer who through my actions shares His love. Jesus is my only purpose.
I suppose if I were a naturally 'happier' person on the inside, I might not be inclined to need to depend on Jesus so much just to function. I'm not sure, but that is just my prediction, so it leads me to say thank you Jesus that you allowed the circumstances of my life that led to this being how I am...thank you for clinical depression. It may be hard, but there are definite blessings in disguise. Amen.
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