Recovery is Possible. Jesus Lives, even if not in the churches.

Dedicated to those in my spiritual abuse recovery group, a group where I find the converging of basically everything I've gotten from any 12-step program, CBT or DBT program, or DV recovery group/literature... a place where the truth sets us free and we meet Jesus over and over again.

Some people go to church on Sunday morning; others go on Sunday night. Some worship on Saturdays, or at a midweek service. They are not all the same. I could never say that, but I can attest that these days, my church is non-traditional out of necessity and the sovereignty of God. This holy week has been one of the more "real" I've had in a while, more like I imagine the original, filled with the dirt of unpaved roads, and the dissonance of those who though once welcoming and beckoning fellowship have now fled in abandonment or are found seeking me only for the thrill of the hunt and hope of casting down.

I go to church on Wednesday evenings with a group of people formed from a variety of denominations on the religious spectrum. When I met them, they did not call themselves a church, and they don't have a building or bulletin or constitution, no rules for membership, baptism, or communion. We discuss our traumas, our heartbreaks from the years spent in institutional corporations that have claimed the named Christian and abused the least of these, and then we rejoice despite this reality, that there exists white-washed tombs and banqueters in the grave who cast stones from glass homes built upon sand. We rejoice that the Good News cannot be quenched, and truly nothing can separate us from the love of God in Christ. It exists in the hearts and the actions of those it has transformed through the Holy Spirit, and only those, as opposed to the false prophets banning to exorcise our demons with their methods and specific prayers, specific prayers, and heretical theologies that actually kill, steal, and destroy. We heal together, and we laugh, and we grow together as we imagine, or re-imagine, all the ways in which it is still possible to follow in those dusty footprints of Christ and be housed without roofs or smoke machines, or rituals devoid of meaning, without traditions that keep out those most in need of practical help and condemn those who are asking for help.

It is possible to walk the dirt roads of life, to sweat our tears of blood while our closest companions fain sleep temporarily to satisfy. We can do this and yet survive, and yet find in time we can thrive, planted on foundations that are not so easily overcome by the wind and rain and waves of life and suffering.

There is hope, there is healing, from spiritual abuse and the religious persecution of the zealots who believe but actually possess faith ONLY in their ability to follow the laws they've carved out and chosen to herald as salvation. There is a Savior who doesn't look like what most of the world paints Him to be. There is a Son of Man whose righteous endurance is the way through which we can find comfort and companionship to endure even the most heinous of crimes against our shared humanity. It is not easy; we were never told it would be. Perhaps even therein lies the clue.... if it is so easy to live out our lives on our prosperous mountain tops with all the prayers seemingly answered of financial blessing and luxurious vacations, lavish family pictures and honored church picnics, even perfected theologies preserved to which those without homes or beds to lay their heads hesitate to ascribe, then perhaps in the end we are the ones who will wonder when we saw Christ and did not feed Him or clothe Him, or of when we saw Christ and condemned Him because He stood beside the rainbow sign or the ones scarred from traumatic decisions to abort as there seemed then no other way. "When did we reject Christ? We were at church every Sunday, and never once partook of such wretched sinfulness of those we are better than! When did we reject Him? We thank God we are not like those, in their recovery groups, with their stories of addiction or prostitution or the times they said fuck or shit, or lost their shit. We are not like those. We are so much more than. We have done so well. How can we not be followers of Jesus. We worked so hard. Look at our lives, and see!"

Don't give up, my fellow sojourners, rejected though you may be. If you feel lost, disillusioned, jaded by the world, religion, and the response of the "church," you are not alone... and there is rest for your soul. Ask me about my own journey through the pits of despair where distinguishing between truth and fiction and the hypocrisy of esteemed pastors swore it would take me down. I have not once yet been rejected by church or christian (both with little "c") where I did not find Christ, the Church, and actual followers of the Way, though they often looked quite different than the celebrities hiding their sins and holding their Jesus Saves signs. I have oft been rejected by church and christian (both with little "c") where it has served to my betterment in the end.

In this world, much is not what it claims to be, but those like you and me, if you relate, have a great calling. There is hope to carry on and hands to hold our own. Thank You God I am still here to testify of these things.

Maundy Thursday 2023. Amen.

p.s. I'm sorry that in this picture, Jesus is wearing white and looks white though I am quite sure he did not have a washer and dryer or shout and clorox bleach to keep himself so pristine. #institionalizedreligion ... at it's finest. Find me a better picture, please.