Acts Something or Other Fleshed out....

I posted the other day referencing ACTS 17 but couldn’t remember the exact reference, which is probably why I never got that 4.0 in seminary for which I labored and lusted. MY POINT, however, was about Paul, and how he seemingly understood EXACTLY what was at the heart of EVERY MAN and WOMAN as he stood there in Athens. We are looking for our unknown God… who we are supposed to worship. Everyone, and yes, I mean EVERYONE, ends up addicted to something and worshipping something. Unfortunately, for many “Christians,” the thing we end up worshipping becomes ourselves and our religion and our version of faith as OPPOSED TO Jesus Christ, the ONE TRUE GOD INCARNATE. Well, that’s my opinion at least, as a self-diagnosed recovering vulnerable narcissist and probably much more yet to be exposed since for some reason or another I keep asking God to search me and know me, like in Psalm 139, and point out all the impurities…clean them.

,So let’s get to the point. This pic, from churchleaders.com, sorry! I couldn’t resist. It made me laugh so much. It’s so legit! Men, women, people, out there working in ministry “for” God, looking in the mirror, so damn proud of themselves and what a GREAT job they’ve done for God.

Ugh. Can we vomit yet? I mean, I am…but only now.

EVER struggled, wondering, pondering:

“Am I under the leadership of a toxic pastor? husband? boss?” or…. “wait, holy Crap- AM I THAT KIND OF LEADER OR PERSON OR WIFE OR MOM OR SPOUSE OR DAUGHTER OR FATHER OR….”

Check out this link.

Scripture alone can be enough to compare and contrast the different types of pastors/shepherds/leaders, however. I am thankful for wisdom from other resources to help us flesh this out though and will reference some of those here.

Reading Acts 17, I was reminded by these passages of that fact that WHENEVER the Kingdom of God is at hand and working, there will be opposition, but those committed to Christ are called to endure, even in the face of dissention and even the maligning of their character. HOWEVER, it IS possible to utilize our suffering or our opposition as an opportunity to PLAY VICTIM and garner sympathy in a way to narcissistically manipulate situations to our own benefit and glory….AND NOT toward God.

I have been grappling with this fact lately, especially after listening to the Mars Hill Podcast and reading a book by Chuck Degroat, When Narcissism Comes to Church. (published by IV press!) How do we know if a leader is leading from Spirit led and ordained conviction or out of his/her own woundedness and need for power or to make a name for him/herself?

On the one hand, we have someone pushing forward against opposition and enduring, persevering, and for the glory of God, eventually yielding fruit, even if he or she is not the one actually around to harvest it (like Moses…who never even entered the Promised Land, but definitely led God’s people…but not until he suffered on his own in the wilderness to be prepared) …. VERSUS someone being overbearing and demeaning, not listening to people, not caring for their needs… seeing people as a means to an end, seeing people as a commodity.

Let me be clear here, I do not mean people are not RESOURCES. They are. They are the most important resource at times, but they are NOT commodities to be used for purposes by men or women who do not have the people’s best interests at heart in the first place! The commodity model boosts church ministry to enlarge a church for the glory of the church, or the pastor, or the staff, ALL WHILE SAYING it’s for the glory of God. But let’s be clear, IF a pastor, or spouse, or parent, or boss, or person has a myriad of volatile and broken relationships surrounding him or her, and it’s ALWAYS about him or her, and the fruit in their life and ministries typically is not expanding and growing outward AWAY from them (meaning they decrease and Christ increases in glory), THEN, the PERSON is the center, not Christ, or the family, or the godly goal, aim, ministry, CHURCH PLANT.

Do you know how many church plants have fallen in the past years because church planters plant to make names for themselves? Lord Jesus, NEVER let my husband or I be that. Cast us out…on our butts, before you let satan use us to manipulate YOUR GLORY. Seriously. It’s despicable, and so many of us do it, and deceive ourselves daily.

Narcissistic leaders are typically unable to take criticism or handle having their theology or ideology challenged, and they find themselves often at odds with many in their workspace, community, cohort, flock, or family. Diane Langberg fleshes out these unhealthy shepherds exquisitely in Suffering and the Heart of God.

For me, I see it clearly exemplified in ACTS 17. The text talks about the scholars are rabbis who poured out day and night over the text trying to figure out “Could this be true?” And many of them decided, “why yes! It is! He WAS. JESUS IS the Messiah.” SO they endured and pushed through and persevered and joined the ranks of the apostles. They key difference is their perseverance was so that the truth of might come out that ANOTHER MAN was the man to follow AND TO RECEIVE GLORY- CHRIST JESUS!!! These men pointed to what CHRIST said- that was WHERE it was at…. These men, the early apostles and martyrs, rabbis, we don’t even know MOST of their names. They went throughout the world, proclaiming the Gospel, and gave their lives. They believed what they preached. It wasn’t for their glory. If it was, they wouldn’t have let themselves be killed for it. They literally became nameless, unknown martyrs for the sake of Christ. That’s the difference, to me at least. When I become stalwart, what is it I am proclaiming? Myself? or God? If I’m willing to be seen as a piece of scum for Jesus’ Gospel to be elevated, then perhaps there is some of what Jesus preached about, perhaps there is some good news about the condition of humanity and the way back to God.

What about you? If you or I are unyielding, if it’s ALWAYS about us, and other people, ESPECIALLY those who are in roles above you or me are ALWAYS wrong or ‘taking advantage,’ maybe the theme of corruption doesn’t lie within the other but within OURSELVES. If that’s the case, wisdom is gained through the years as we learn not to underestimate the ability of our broken flesh to lie to us! Deception. Satan’s #1 game, from day one. “Did God really say???” THAT is what satan LIED and IMPLANTED in Eve’s mind as Adam sat passively beside …. and so the woman took and ate, and the man followed.

artwork by Liberty for Captives

Let us not be deceived. Let us stand firm on what we know and not back down, come what may, martyrdom … sainthood, forged from suffering. If those things happen, one thing is for sure, we will be among good company, but that’s just it, the company probably would not even be all that impressed with us or themselves, as I am SERIOUSLY not that impressed with myself. Ugh… BUT LET OUR EYES, our eyes be on the Exalted One, Jesus. Where are you eyes? Where are mine? Are they on our losses and what we give up? On what we lack? On what we don’t have? On what we are owed that we didn’t receive? Or are they on the one we have been given yet never could have acquired by our own attempts or merits…. ? Who do we see when we look in the mirror? Do we see ourselves, as beautiful as we’ve worked to make ourselves? Or do we see ourselves as God made us, maybe not how we want to look, but actually wonderfully and fearfully made! Amen.