This Began as a Status Update...
SO it's been months since I've blogged. I'm sorry. I've had a few people tell me they missed it. That made me feel happy that my blog was useful to them, but then it made me feel guilty for being so slack and fickle with my commitments that don't pay me money. haha (I go through fads likes it's nobody's business. My current fad is reading books. I'm finishing my third in less than 2 weeks today- that is super fast for me!!! AND I'm in the middle of two others at the same time :).
Anyway, I suppose I've felt a little devoid of much to say. Well, to be honest, I've actually had some pretty intense thoughts and revelations, fears, and reflections traveling through my simple mind the past few months, and none of them were very 'share-with-the-world' worthy. I did think of posting this one thing about umbrellas, and then there was another about Commitment, but I didn't get around to it.
But today, as I found myself about ready to write a ridiculously long facebook post, I decided to BLOG my ridiculously long run-on sentences instead.
As I browsed through lots of old pictures the other day, a random memory came to me. The memory was of when I dyed my hair very very dark brown because I wanted to feel less 'out-of-place' in Chinatown, (and try to make the Boston Bus people quit asking me "Bow stahn?" I wanted to blend in more. I changed it back to blonde, however, after 6 months of me freaking myself out every time I looked in the mirror and my family flipping out and saying TO my face "WHAT?!?! did you DO?!?! to yourself?!?!"
Here, 5 years later, I quite often forget that I DON'T look very similar to all the people around me, and when I catch someone looking at me like I don't fit in or acting like it's 'odd' that I'm here or something, I just get mad/annoyed and want to say I'M JUST AS CHINESE AS HALF THE SECOND/THIRD GENERATIONERS FROM THE SUBURBS! I CAN SAY HELLO, I LOVE YOU, GOODBYE, AND THANK YOU FOR MY RED ENVELOPES! AND I CAN ALSO ORDER THE FEW CHINESE MEALS I LIKE TO EAT. So stare elsewhere.. haha AND when I hear people say "Lo-fahn" when I'm at a store in Chinatown and have just asked them a question, I get very frustrated. They could be saying nice things, but I always feel like they are saying LOOK AT THE WHITE AS RICE GIRL WHO NEEDS TO KNOW IF WE CARRY SUCH-N-SUCH OR WANTS THIS SHOE IN SIZE 37.
AND then recently, the Boston bus lady started asking me if I wanted to go to Boston...SHE HADN'T ASKED ME IN LIKE 4 YEARS. I can recall the first day in 2008 that she DIDN'T ask me, and I felt so PROUD, like maybe I would really start to 'belong' here instead of being the odd-one-out just trying to do a job that other people wanted done and knew needed to be done but were unable to physically do themselves. I was so proud. I thought, "I'm part of the community! Really awkward looking hair and all!" And even when I did go back to the blonde, she still recognized me, waved, smiled, but did NOT ask me about visiting Boston.
Soooo.... I'm SOOO confused. The first time she did it- meaning started asking me if I wanted to buy a bus ticket again-, I thought it was a mistake, an accident, that she just said it out of habit- by accident, but then she has KEPT doing it like every day for two months now. I'm getting a bit mad. Has my face changed or something? She SHOULD KNOW ME. I'm the girl who has waved to her every day since September 2007 as I've walked to go get my coffee or diet coke from Popeyes. I'm the girl who used to stand outside and cry when her boyfriend boarded the bus, and I'm the girl who used to stand outside eager and excited when he'd get off! Maybe she thinks he LIVES in Boston and not here. Maybe she thinks we broke up, and she's secretly hoping I'll go to "Bow stahn" to collect him and win him back. But...he's Chinese... so he would look as if he were from Chinatown...AND she now sees HIM frequently as he walks our street since he works at the church. So what's up Ms. Boston Lady? Why do you say to me daily, "Bow stahn?" I'm confused. I mean, I DO LOVE BOSTON, and I wouldn't mind living there one day, and I'd LOVE to visit sometime soon, but I work here...on this street...just like you, and I thought we were 'waving-friends.'
Ok that's all. This post was NOT worth your time to read. See, I told you, I have nothing to say these days. Or maybe the amount I'm reading is making me intimidated at even attempting to create analogies and witty remarks or satirical comparisons. Oh well. Bye.
Anyway, I suppose I've felt a little devoid of much to say. Well, to be honest, I've actually had some pretty intense thoughts and revelations, fears, and reflections traveling through my simple mind the past few months, and none of them were very 'share-with-the-world' worthy. I did think of posting this one thing about umbrellas, and then there was another about Commitment, but I didn't get around to it.
But today, as I found myself about ready to write a ridiculously long facebook post, I decided to BLOG my ridiculously long run-on sentences instead.
As I browsed through lots of old pictures the other day, a random memory came to me. The memory was of when I dyed my hair very very dark brown because I wanted to feel less 'out-of-place' in Chinatown, (and try to make the Boston Bus people quit asking me "Bow stahn?" I wanted to blend in more. I changed it back to blonde, however, after 6 months of me freaking myself out every time I looked in the mirror and my family flipping out and saying TO my face "WHAT?!?! did you DO?!?! to yourself?!?!"
 |
| Here it is- the darkest I managed to make my hair go, thinking that maybe it would actually make me blend and that it would also somehow make me look like the girls on America's Next Top Model when Trya takes their hair and makes it look the complete opposite of how it looks.... Both 'well-wishes' were ill-fated and futile, fyi. |
Here, 5 years later, I quite often forget that I DON'T look very similar to all the people around me, and when I catch someone looking at me like I don't fit in or acting like it's 'odd' that I'm here or something, I just get mad/annoyed and want to say I'M JUST AS CHINESE AS HALF THE SECOND/THIRD GENERATIONERS FROM THE SUBURBS! I CAN SAY HELLO, I LOVE YOU, GOODBYE, AND THANK YOU FOR MY RED ENVELOPES! AND I CAN ALSO ORDER THE FEW CHINESE MEALS I LIKE TO EAT. So stare elsewhere.. haha AND when I hear people say "Lo-fahn" when I'm at a store in Chinatown and have just asked them a question, I get very frustrated. They could be saying nice things, but I always feel like they are saying LOOK AT THE WHITE AS RICE GIRL WHO NEEDS TO KNOW IF WE CARRY SUCH-N-SUCH OR WANTS THIS SHOE IN SIZE 37.
AND then recently, the Boston bus lady started asking me if I wanted to go to Boston...SHE HADN'T ASKED ME IN LIKE 4 YEARS. I can recall the first day in 2008 that she DIDN'T ask me, and I felt so PROUD, like maybe I would really start to 'belong' here instead of being the odd-one-out just trying to do a job that other people wanted done and knew needed to be done but were unable to physically do themselves. I was so proud. I thought, "I'm part of the community! Really awkward looking hair and all!" And even when I did go back to the blonde, she still recognized me, waved, smiled, but did NOT ask me about visiting Boston.
Soooo.... I'm SOOO confused. The first time she did it- meaning started asking me if I wanted to buy a bus ticket again-, I thought it was a mistake, an accident, that she just said it out of habit- by accident, but then she has KEPT doing it like every day for two months now. I'm getting a bit mad. Has my face changed or something? She SHOULD KNOW ME. I'm the girl who has waved to her every day since September 2007 as I've walked to go get my coffee or diet coke from Popeyes. I'm the girl who used to stand outside and cry when her boyfriend boarded the bus, and I'm the girl who used to stand outside eager and excited when he'd get off! Maybe she thinks he LIVES in Boston and not here. Maybe she thinks we broke up, and she's secretly hoping I'll go to "Bow stahn" to collect him and win him back. But...he's Chinese... so he would look as if he were from Chinatown...AND she now sees HIM frequently as he walks our street since he works at the church. So what's up Ms. Boston Lady? Why do you say to me daily, "Bow stahn?" I'm confused. I mean, I DO LOVE BOSTON, and I wouldn't mind living there one day, and I'd LOVE to visit sometime soon, but I work here...on this street...just like you, and I thought we were 'waving-friends.'
Ok that's all. This post was NOT worth your time to read. See, I told you, I have nothing to say these days. Or maybe the amount I'm reading is making me intimidated at even attempting to create analogies and witty remarks or satirical comparisons. Oh well. Bye.
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